Dan "Dining Hall Dan" Fleckner talked to me about a week ago and said that he'd like to meet and discuss some of the things he'd read in the Bullsheet and on this blog. Now, for your reading pleasure: the highlights of my lunch with Dan.
1. Dan Fleckner quote of the day: "I love it when students complain about food. It means everything else is right with the world."
2. Sodexo is working right now on developing a menu for next semester. A sign has been posted on the comment board in Curtis for a few weeks, and responses have been scarce. So, if there's something specific you'd like to see, fill out those comment cards! Quick! You only have four days!
3. Whenever Curtis puts out organic fruit with no sign labeling it as such, the comment box is flooded with complaints about the quality of the fruit. It's important to note that apples can either be crispy and shiny, or they can be organic, but they can't be both.
4. Warning: Due to nationwide lettuce crop crisis, we're about to see a decline in the quailty of the greens at the salad bar. It's not Sodexo's fault.
5. Sodexo has no rules about what dining halls can serve, except for when they do those "Flash in the Pan" ethnic food exhibitions. So all the food being served right now is the result of managerial efforts to give students what they want. But they can't do that if you don't fill out comment cards, so WRITE WRITE WRITE!
6. FUN FACT: Dan is Jewish, and used to work for a minor league baseball team. Who knew.
7. Many of the issues brought up in the comment cards can be solved with a little culinary creativity. For example: if you're upset by the lack of chocolate soy milk, make your own with regular soy milk and chocolate sauce from the ice cream bar. Or if there's no cheese at the salad bar, ask for a slice from the deli and put that on your salad.
8. PERSONAL NOTE: One of my favorite creative dining hall concoctions is the Pita Pizza. Take a piece of pita bread from the toaster area, spread hummus on it, at top it off with whatever looks good on the stir-fry and salad bars.
9. The University, not Sodexo, is responsible for the decision to require students to be on meal plans. Some people to talk to about this: Becky Macheda and Seth Patton.
10. Many students request healthier food via the comment box. Apparently, when Dan asks for specific menu items, he frequently met with responses like "buffalo wings" and "fried chicken fingers." Hmm.
11. Dan readily concedes that the typical student meal (he indicates my plate of ravioli and salad) is not worth $7.50. But Sodexo only gets about half of that money. The rest goes to the University to cover dining hall overhead expenses like gas, utilities, equipment, and backup generators.
12. Serving Cheeseburger Pizza and Pizza Burgers on the same day has been recognized as an inexcusable crime against the culinary world, and will be henceforth forbidden.
13. At the Sodexo focus group meeting, I harped a lot on the theme of groceries. Dan said that he was concerned about these items not being popular enough to justify keeping them in stock, especially since vegetables and baking needs are so perishable. BUT - and here's where I get excited - If you contact Dan, he will work out a deal where you can swipe your meal card in exchange for bulk food and baking ingredients from the dining hall stockroom!
14. About the whole religious food thing: A lot of the food served at the Hannukah dinner was from Dan's family recipes. Both the Hannukah Dinner and the Holiday Meal were meant as horizon-broadening cultural shindigs. The food served at the Holiday Meal was a combination of traditional Christmas, Hannukah, Ramadan, and Kwanza recipes. The idea behind using the word "holiday" instead of "Christmas" was not to be politically correct, but to be accurate. After all, the meal was not actually a Christmas meal, but a hodgepodge of different holiday dishes.
15. If you have ideas about dining hall reform, Dan encourages you to talk to him. Email flecknerd@denison.edu.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Sunglass Kidz by Rob and Taylor
While all you bitches were chillin’ out, maxin’ relaxin’ all cool during break, Rob and Taylor were attempting to puke in Denny’s cute rain boots), we stumbled upon this security report, detailing one of the newest and most sexual gangs on campus.
ALERT: WARNING!!! A new gang has been reported on campus, a group calling themselves the Sunglass Kidz. They are easily spots in order to intimidate potential students and to recruit them at the same time (if they’re not “pussies”). They are known for crimes such as under-age drinking, smoking cigarettes in bars, and for forging those little ␣ they forge those. That’s ingenious.
what we are most concerned about is the crimes that they force their new recruits to commit (as their gang mot to states “you have to sin to get in”), such as marking new territory, pushing heroin and other recreational drugs on the streets of Granville, and doing drive-bys of rival gangs, such as the equally dangerous Granville Blue Aces. The gang is led by two street toughs, Richard “Dick” Ryder and Thomas “Thom” Thompson. “Dick” is known his short temper, which explodes all over any innocent bystander. “Thom” is known for his shoes. If any of you see this gang, shoot to kill. Aim for the head, so they get shot there.
Well, fuck. It’s up to us to defend these young gentlemen against the equally dangerous security guard
gang.
Love, Rob and Taylor
P.S. Hey Denny, I hope this makes it onto Bob’s locker! And fuck yo boots!
ALERT: WARNING!!! A new gang has been reported on campus, a group calling themselves the Sunglass Kidz. They are easily spots in order to intimidate potential students and to recruit them at the same time (if they’re not “pussies”). They are known for crimes such as under-age drinking, smoking cigarettes in bars, and for forging those little ␣ they forge those. That’s ingenious.
what we are most concerned about is the crimes that they force their new recruits to commit (as their gang mot to states “you have to sin to get in”), such as marking new territory, pushing heroin and other recreational drugs on the streets of Granville, and doing drive-bys of rival gangs, such as the equally dangerous Granville Blue Aces. The gang is led by two street toughs, Richard “Dick” Ryder and Thomas “Thom” Thompson. “Dick” is known his short temper, which explodes all over any innocent bystander. “Thom” is known for his shoes. If any of you see this gang, shoot to kill. Aim for the head, so they get shot there.
Well, fuck. It’s up to us to defend these young gentlemen against the equally dangerous security guard
gang.
Love, Rob and Taylor
P.S. Hey Denny, I hope this makes it onto Bob’s locker! And fuck yo boots!
Bathroom Stall Posters by Slayter Box 9118
When, exactly, was it determined that the best forum to communicate rape statistics is in each and every stall in each and every women’s bathroom in each and every academic building on campus? When, exactly, was it decided that girls should not be able to pop a squat without a bulleted list of how many women are raped in the Congo each year? I can understand statistics about sexual health, and I’ll even go as far as to say that posting contacts for the SHARE program is appropriate, but I’m not sure why this is a valid outlet (outhouse?) ␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣ ␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣ ␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣␣ targeted at the campus’s ladies.
So here’s what we get every time we pee... 1) practice safe sex, because STD’s are bad, 2) if the worst hap- pens, here’s who to call for help, and 3) even if the worst happens, be thankful that you weren’t sold into a prostitution ring in another country by your older sister and raped 7-10 times daily until you contracted HIV/ AIDS and died waiting to be deported.
Call me insensitive, but I feel that caring about these women and what they’ve gone through does not mean pasting their stories all over bathroom stalls. So I’m asking the heads of this organization –if you intend on turning every women’s stall on this campus into your forum, please consider what this campaign is actually meant to accomplish, and if the current course of action is effective. If you’re trying to spread information, then why is it only getting to the women?
Since the only other information on these sheets is the e-mail address for the organization, it seems to me that the purpose is to boost enrolment in the group, and I’m calling those responsible out for being massively insensitive. There are several organizations on this campus that are related to human interest –habitat for humanity, students for choice, or the roosevelt institute just to name a few. I suggest that DIRE consider more appropriate methods of communication.
~~~ Slayter Box = 9118
So here’s what we get every time we pee... 1) practice safe sex, because STD’s are bad, 2) if the worst hap- pens, here’s who to call for help, and 3) even if the worst happens, be thankful that you weren’t sold into a prostitution ring in another country by your older sister and raped 7-10 times daily until you contracted HIV/ AIDS and died waiting to be deported.
Call me insensitive, but I feel that caring about these women and what they’ve gone through does not mean pasting their stories all over bathroom stalls. So I’m asking the heads of this organization –if you intend on turning every women’s stall on this campus into your forum, please consider what this campaign is actually meant to accomplish, and if the current course of action is effective. If you’re trying to spread information, then why is it only getting to the women?
Since the only other information on these sheets is the e-mail address for the organization, it seems to me that the purpose is to boost enrolment in the group, and I’m calling those responsible out for being massively insensitive. There are several organizations on this campus that are related to human interest –habitat for humanity, students for choice, or the roosevelt institute just to name a few. I suggest that DIRE consider more appropriate methods of communication.
~~~ Slayter Box = 9118
Overheard at Denison
Overheard at Denison:
“Heh heh! You’re a faggot!”
-An audience member during the DFS screening of Inglorious Basterds. Yelled at the head Nazi character when he does that high-pitched giggle bit. Any history buffs want to raise your hand and tell me why this is depressing?
“Heh heh! You’re a faggot!”
-An audience member during the DFS screening of Inglorious Basterds. Yelled at the head Nazi character when he does that high-pitched giggle bit. Any history buffs want to raise your hand and tell me why this is depressing?
Lady Gaga Harmful to Young Girls’ Self-Esteem
by Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor
Amy Long, mother of sixth-grade Julie, is worried that her daughter may have an unhealthy self-image due to her new obsession with Lady Gaga. Says Long, “Julie used to be like any other girl her age: shopping, hanging out with her friends, and crying because she thinks she’s fat. But now something’s...different. She just walks around in her latex leotard and tries to light things on fire with her mind.”
Like thousands of girls across the country, Julie thinks that she must be just like her idol in order to be attractive. “There’s this boy in my class named Carl. He’s sooooooo cute. But he only likes girls with aluminum-plated prosthetic hip sockets. It’s like he doesn’t even know I exist,” says Julie as she stares into the mirror, trying unsuccessfully to get blood to ooze from her eyeballs. “Dammit! I never do anything right!”
The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty has responded to this disturbing trend with new messages of hope and acceptance. Says Dove spokeswoman Andrea Andrews, “We want girls to know that you can be beautiful no matter your weight, body type, number of limbs, extraterrestrial networking options, or diamond-levitating abilities.”
Gaga herself was unavailable for comment, as she had absconded to her arctic lair with a 400-gallon bottle of imported vodka.
by Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor
Amy Long, mother of sixth-grade Julie, is worried that her daughter may have an unhealthy self-image due to her new obsession with Lady Gaga. Says Long, “Julie used to be like any other girl her age: shopping, hanging out with her friends, and crying because she thinks she’s fat. But now something’s...different. She just walks around in her latex leotard and tries to light things on fire with her mind.”
Like thousands of girls across the country, Julie thinks that she must be just like her idol in order to be attractive. “There’s this boy in my class named Carl. He’s sooooooo cute. But he only likes girls with aluminum-plated prosthetic hip sockets. It’s like he doesn’t even know I exist,” says Julie as she stares into the mirror, trying unsuccessfully to get blood to ooze from her eyeballs. “Dammit! I never do anything right!”
The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty has responded to this disturbing trend with new messages of hope and acceptance. Says Dove spokeswoman Andrea Andrews, “We want girls to know that you can be beautiful no matter your weight, body type, number of limbs, extraterrestrial networking options, or diamond-levitating abilities.”
Gaga herself was unavailable for comment, as she had absconded to her arctic lair with a 400-gallon bottle of imported vodka.
Signing Off by Sam Forti
Signing off~ This will be my final bullsheet for the time being as I will be far away from here next
semester. You’re all so goddamn beautiful it makes me want to cry. Try not to miss me to much. I know
Denison will have a gaping hole in its heart without my presence here but it will be okay, really, it will. Don’t
worry, Jason Cox will be taking my place as resident Sam Forti on Denison’s campus. If you need me for
anything, please, refer yourself to him during the spring semester.
~Sam Forti
semester. You’re all so goddamn beautiful it makes me want to cry. Try not to miss me to much. I know
Denison will have a gaping hole in its heart without my presence here but it will be okay, really, it will. Don’t
worry, Jason Cox will be taking my place as resident Sam Forti on Denison’s campus. If you need me for
anything, please, refer yourself to him during the spring semester.
~Sam Forti
Getting You Through Exam Week by Sam Forti
First a fantastic quote by some girl on east quad: “I wouldn’t be caught dead playing water polo topless with
him!”
Now a quip about your mother’s weight- Your mother is so fat that when she went into the kitchen there was
a meatloaf on the counter but when she left there wasn’t a meatloaf on the counter anymore because she ate
because your mom is fat.
So, its the end of the school, and as such, some of you may feel like you are about to die. The
work load is piling on, crushing you and crushing you like one of those torture devices where they put rocks
on a board on your chest till you say, “Fuck!” and confess to being a witch or a heathen or something of the
sort.
It sucks, yes it does, the stress is overwhelming, you are doubting your academic abilities, and you find
yourself blinding pushing forward into a murky gloom of flashcards, lab reports, research papers, and
unintentional naps in strange places around A-quad.
Well don’t worry so much! I am here to help, and when have I ever let you down before Denison? Here
is a little destressing activity that you and your friends can try on each other. This is what you will need:
1. Yourself
2. A friend
3. This bullsheet.
Find a partner and go somewhere where you can be in peace, away from the hustle and bustle of
everyday campus life. Then, lie or sit in a comfortable position. If you wish, bring some delicious tea and or
scented candles! Then close your eyes and take three deep breaths as your friend reads the script below.
Picture yourself free from final exams. With everybreath let the weight of your gpa drop away. Let it
go, just relaxxx. Now, you are floating. Floating on a beautiful cloud. It is fluffy and oh so soft, like a bed
made of chinchillas. On the cloud and around you are beautiful golden birds that sing in heavenly voices.
Take a deep breath, they will sing whatever you want. The Rite of Spring? no problem. Party in the USA?
no problem. Lollipop by lil’ Wayne? They love that number! They will sing whatever you want. Picture them
singing you your favorite song. There is a tray of gourmet cheese, there are doughnuts a plenty, you can have
whatever you’d like on this little sky island of peace. You are filled with happy thoughts, you are at peace with
the world, you are at peace with your final exams. Everything will be alright, open your eyes and be free.
In case that didn’t work out for you you can always resort to the usual survival tactics for this time of year.
Snorting adderall off the library toilets
Injecting redbull directly into your eyeball for an instant caffine rush
Saying fuck it, drowning your sorrows in booze and hoping for the best
Crying yourself to sleep at night
Snorting adderall off of your desk
Crying yourself to sleep at night
Snorting adderall off of your lab report
Adderall
Adderall
Adderall
Adderall
Good luck Denison. Try not to kill yourself before the holidays begin.
~~40~~
him!”
Now a quip about your mother’s weight- Your mother is so fat that when she went into the kitchen there was
a meatloaf on the counter but when she left there wasn’t a meatloaf on the counter anymore because she ate
because your mom is fat.
So, its the end of the school, and as such, some of you may feel like you are about to die. The
work load is piling on, crushing you and crushing you like one of those torture devices where they put rocks
on a board on your chest till you say, “Fuck!” and confess to being a witch or a heathen or something of the
sort.
It sucks, yes it does, the stress is overwhelming, you are doubting your academic abilities, and you find
yourself blinding pushing forward into a murky gloom of flashcards, lab reports, research papers, and
unintentional naps in strange places around A-quad.
Well don’t worry so much! I am here to help, and when have I ever let you down before Denison? Here
is a little destressing activity that you and your friends can try on each other. This is what you will need:
1. Yourself
2. A friend
3. This bullsheet.
Find a partner and go somewhere where you can be in peace, away from the hustle and bustle of
everyday campus life. Then, lie or sit in a comfortable position. If you wish, bring some delicious tea and or
scented candles! Then close your eyes and take three deep breaths as your friend reads the script below.
Picture yourself free from final exams. With everybreath let the weight of your gpa drop away. Let it
go, just relaxxx. Now, you are floating. Floating on a beautiful cloud. It is fluffy and oh so soft, like a bed
made of chinchillas. On the cloud and around you are beautiful golden birds that sing in heavenly voices.
Take a deep breath, they will sing whatever you want. The Rite of Spring? no problem. Party in the USA?
no problem. Lollipop by lil’ Wayne? They love that number! They will sing whatever you want. Picture them
singing you your favorite song. There is a tray of gourmet cheese, there are doughnuts a plenty, you can have
whatever you’d like on this little sky island of peace. You are filled with happy thoughts, you are at peace with
the world, you are at peace with your final exams. Everything will be alright, open your eyes and be free.
In case that didn’t work out for you you can always resort to the usual survival tactics for this time of year.
Snorting adderall off the library toilets
Injecting redbull directly into your eyeball for an instant caffine rush
Saying fuck it, drowning your sorrows in booze and hoping for the best
Crying yourself to sleep at night
Snorting adderall off of your desk
Crying yourself to sleep at night
Snorting adderall off of your lab report
Adderall
Adderall
Adderall
Adderall
Good luck Denison. Try not to kill yourself before the holidays begin.
~~40~~
Joke-by-Joke Breakdown of the Denisonian Sex Column by Alex Chan
Happy Friday!
I hope all of you read this week’s Denisonian. Aside from the bits of real news that was published in there, this week’s issue marks the return of the infamous Denisonian sex column! Well, maybe. I haven’t really read the paper in a while, so it might’ve been there all year. But what I know for sure is that this week’s column has me beat. I can’t think of anything funnier than what this “anonymous columnist” has written regarding Denison and lust. This guy/gal knows how to make me laugh!
So what I’ve decided to do is dissect this column joke by joke, in order to figure out what makes it tick. I say joke by joke because I assume that their column was not intended to be taken seriously.
To begin, we have the attention grabbing title on the front page: “This’ll hit the spot.” Get it? This will satisfy your craving for knowledge as well as make a beeline for what is known as the G-spot. Christ, that’s good. It implies that the phallic column of text on page 8 will stimulate you, whether you like it or not.
The first paragraph is about how hair will inevitably get caught in bunk beds, and how you should tell your roommate to get the fuck out before you partake in your “little late night rendezvous.” To all those at the Denisonian: Judging by that phrase, I believe you have a master of rhetoric among you, and their name is “anonymous columnist.” The alliteration, in addition to the judicious use of French, makes that sentence absolutely luscious. Also…I salute those brave souls who have sex while their roommate is asleep. You are brave like wolf, and just as ravenous for flesh.
The next paragraph explains how to cheat on your significant other in a clandestine manner. Oh, and how to have quiet sex in a closet so that you don’t seem like a “male Monica Lewinski.” You know, just in case you happen to be fucking the president. Duly noted.
The walk of shame: this author suggests you take the back route past Deeds, where you can avoid tour groups. After all, you don’t want a group of prospective students and their parents seeing you walking around without your dignity!
If you run into a friend of the girl that you’re hooking up with, the author advises that you deflect attention away from the fact that you totally just put your gun in her holster, as all the adolescents boys are saying these days. Try smiling. If the friend gives you a smile back, have sex with it. I kid, I kid! The Denisonian would never encourage that sort of behavior (well, not this week anyway).
Did you know that if you rub your face on someone else’s face, that some of your makeup will often—now brace yourselves, this may have some affect on your worldview—transfer over to them? While on the subject of having makeup smeared all over your face, why not make a quick dig at Stevie Wonder for being blind? I quote: “You should make sure you don’t look like someone handed Stevie Wonder a paintbrush with your face as a canvas.” First of all, Stevie Wonder never claimed to be a great painter. Secondly,
Hooking up with many members of a fraternity will get you a permanent reputation with the fraternity. And you thought that it would get you
The author wraps it all up rather smartly by asking the reader to think twice about their “animalistic instincts.” I appreciate that gesture, since I often find myself chasing after small animals, yelling something that sounds like “WHARRGARBL.” I think I’ll close in a similar fashion: if you lack common sense (or have read Glenn Beck’s book Common Sense), think twice about procreating. I don’t want those genes being passed down.
I hope all of you read this week’s Denisonian. Aside from the bits of real news that was published in there, this week’s issue marks the return of the infamous Denisonian sex column! Well, maybe. I haven’t really read the paper in a while, so it might’ve been there all year. But what I know for sure is that this week’s column has me beat. I can’t think of anything funnier than what this “anonymous columnist” has written regarding Denison and lust. This guy/gal knows how to make me laugh!
So what I’ve decided to do is dissect this column joke by joke, in order to figure out what makes it tick. I say joke by joke because I assume that their column was not intended to be taken seriously.
To begin, we have the attention grabbing title on the front page: “This’ll hit the spot.” Get it? This will satisfy your craving for knowledge as well as make a beeline for what is known as the G-spot. Christ, that’s good. It implies that the phallic column of text on page 8 will stimulate you, whether you like it or not.
The first paragraph is about how hair will inevitably get caught in bunk beds, and how you should tell your roommate to get the fuck out before you partake in your “little late night rendezvous.” To all those at the Denisonian: Judging by that phrase, I believe you have a master of rhetoric among you, and their name is “anonymous columnist.” The alliteration, in addition to the judicious use of French, makes that sentence absolutely luscious. Also…I salute those brave souls who have sex while their roommate is asleep. You are brave like wolf, and just as ravenous for flesh.
The next paragraph explains how to cheat on your significant other in a clandestine manner. Oh, and how to have quiet sex in a closet so that you don’t seem like a “male Monica Lewinski.” You know, just in case you happen to be fucking the president. Duly noted.
The walk of shame: this author suggests you take the back route past Deeds, where you can avoid tour groups. After all, you don’t want a group of prospective students and their parents seeing you walking around without your dignity!
If you run into a friend of the girl that you’re hooking up with, the author advises that you deflect attention away from the fact that you totally just put your gun in her holster, as all the adolescents boys are saying these days. Try smiling. If the friend gives you a smile back, have sex with it. I kid, I kid! The Denisonian would never encourage that sort of behavior (well, not this week anyway).
Did you know that if you rub your face on someone else’s face, that some of your makeup will often—now brace yourselves, this may have some affect on your worldview—transfer over to them? While on the subject of having makeup smeared all over your face, why not make a quick dig at Stevie Wonder for being blind? I quote: “You should make sure you don’t look like someone handed Stevie Wonder a paintbrush with your face as a canvas.” First of all, Stevie Wonder never claimed to be a great painter. Secondly,
Hooking up with many members of a fraternity will get you a permanent reputation with the fraternity. And you thought that it would get you
The author wraps it all up rather smartly by asking the reader to think twice about their “animalistic instincts.” I appreciate that gesture, since I often find myself chasing after small animals, yelling something that sounds like “WHARRGARBL.” I think I’ll close in a similar fashion: if you lack common sense (or have read Glenn Beck’s book Common Sense), think twice about procreating. I don’t want those genes being passed down.
Murphy's Laws of Comedy by Kaitlyn Grissom
MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMEDY
(Note: Murphy, Inc. is not responsible for any part of this article, which was written exclusively by sophomore editor
Kaitlyn Grissom. Murphy himself was unavailable for comment, due to the fact that something that could go wrong, did.)
1. If you make a joke and I don’t laugh, it’s because your joke wasn’t funny. If I make a joke and you don’t laugh, it’s because you have no sense of humor.
2. Any joke that mocks someone I don’t like is hilarious. Any joke that someone else makes to mock me is offensive and unacceptable.
3. If I don’t find it funny when someone rehashes an old, overdone joke, that joke is stupid. If I do find that old joke funny, it’s “classic”.
4. Me making fun of something is called “freedom of speech.” Other people making fun of me is called ... something else.
5. If you’re offended by a joke that I find funny, you need to lighten up and get a sense of humor.
6. When I say, “get a sense of humor,” I mean “get a sense of humor that’s similar to mine.”
7. Poop jokes aren’t funny.
8. ...Except when poop jokes are funny.
(Note: Murphy, Inc. is not responsible for any part of this article, which was written exclusively by sophomore editor
Kaitlyn Grissom. Murphy himself was unavailable for comment, due to the fact that something that could go wrong, did.)
1. If you make a joke and I don’t laugh, it’s because your joke wasn’t funny. If I make a joke and you don’t laugh, it’s because you have no sense of humor.
2. Any joke that mocks someone I don’t like is hilarious. Any joke that someone else makes to mock me is offensive and unacceptable.
3. If I don’t find it funny when someone rehashes an old, overdone joke, that joke is stupid. If I do find that old joke funny, it’s “classic”.
4. Me making fun of something is called “freedom of speech.” Other people making fun of me is called ... something else.
5. If you’re offended by a joke that I find funny, you need to lighten up and get a sense of humor.
6. When I say, “get a sense of humor,” I mean “get a sense of humor that’s similar to mine.”
7. Poop jokes aren’t funny.
8. ...Except when poop jokes are funny.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Guilt Posters by Kaitlyn Grissom
I’m not sure if putting up posters telling stories of terror and oppression is helpful or exploitative, but my question is: Why stop there? There are so many more things to make college students feel guilty about! Here are a few poster ideas that might hit closer to home:
Oh. I see you’re taking the elevator. That’s nice...fatass.
Remember your great aunt that you didn’t know you had until she sent you a card with $100 in it for your high school graduation? You never wrote her a thank-you note. Don’t bother. She’s dead now.
You know, some kids can’t afford fun.
For every Bullsheet you read, God kills a Nickelback fan.
If you lived in 1450, you wouldn’t even have a bathroom stall to poop in.
Your parents work very hard to help pay for your education. What would they think if they saw you loafing around reading posters?
Oh. I see you’re taking the elevator. That’s nice...fatass.
Remember your great aunt that you didn’t know you had until she sent you a card with $100 in it for your high school graduation? You never wrote her a thank-you note. Don’t bother. She’s dead now.
You know, some kids can’t afford fun.
For every Bullsheet you read, God kills a Nickelback fan.
If you lived in 1450, you wouldn’t even have a bathroom stall to poop in.
Your parents work very hard to help pay for your education. What would they think if they saw you loafing around reading posters?
Response to 8580 and Kaitlyn Grissom by Sean 9036
To 8580:
When you tell me to become involved with the DCGA Dining Hall Committee, are you suggesting that my ideas are original and reasonable? To such a degree, that were I to have a “position” of power on this campus, then I would be able to get my way and so dramatically alter the dining hall situation? Are you suggesting that by going through the silly (and it IS silly in its current form) and by no means necessary (unless you want to pull an Aristotelian argument, which I doubt you do) measures that consist in trying to become a major part of DCGA… And from there I, once elected (VOTE FOR SEAN, FOLLOWED BY SOME SILLY SLOGAN AND A PICTURE WITH ME LOOKING ALL-DISINGENUOUS!), I could magically make meaningful change on this campus… Then I, I Sean!, WOULD see some changes?! …OH, BUT IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY!
Why can’t I just on occasion write into the bullsheet and address an issue on this campus? Why can’t I write in for the sole public purpose of catching some people’s attention? Why can’t I write in to simply add my vocal discontent to the long list of those before me? …Maybe someone needs to start overseeing the bullsheet, start doing something with these ideas some of us students have taken the time to write in regarding. THAT’S ANOTHER IDEA FOR YOU TO DISMISS SOMEHOW! This overseer could be the type of someone who recognizes that students at this school actually have opinions worth considering. Some of those opinions are good, even. Some of those opinions are even popular (like the Sudexo complaint). Some of those opinions are perhaps worthy of being turned into something more! Some of those opinions are perhaps good grounds for someone who already has some leadership position to do something about such opinions.
…We do not all need (nor want) to become part of the “establishment” of leaders; and we mostly have very good reasons for that, which are not limited to laziness nor ignorance. We are justified, and I think good, to put our voice out there. We, as student writers, can leave it at that. That is acceptable and worthwhile. When our voice is harmlessly funny, even better. When our voice is pretty conscious of what/how we are contributing to a topic, even better. When our voice can inspire people to become more aware of something, even better. …Until this school becomes a direct democracy, I do not feel compelled to give two shits about becoming involved with DCGA. To whoever currently holds the positions on the Dining Hall Services Committee, are you fighting Sudexo like you should be, like the way students on this campus want you to be?
To Kaitlyn, Sophomore Editor:
Fuck, that WAS clever, that thing you wrote in on monday. For a couple seconds I felt pretty down and out. Then, I was able to come up with a string of pretty nice complaints over what you did there, with your BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM. Some questions, to start off: a) what is the bullsheet supposed to be? b) what form would you suggest submissions take instead of those already employed? c) where is my professor’s notification which says that I can choose to not write the 4 page paper for his/her class just as long as I spend a lot of time and care in constructing a perfect submission to the bullsheet? d) where is the drug that I am supposed to take in order to bring myself to YOUR conclusion that bitching is pointless (this applies to 8580, too)? e) where is the drug I take which turns me into a pacifist? f) where is the drug that I take which makes me forget that I AM, IN REALITY, NO MATTER HOW I SPIN IT, paying an outrageous sum of money to go to this school? g) where is the drug that I take in order to forget that police, campus security, sections of administration, certain professors, tons of conduct rules, lots of cultural matters etc are absolutely unjustified on this campus?
Excuse me, but “I have noticed” that YOU have impeded on my justified liberty. I kinda laughed, in a good way, when I read your mocking editorial. So, if you were just trying to be funny with your editorial about BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM, then sorry for my misunderstanding and no hard feelings. If, however, as I suspect, you were trying to criticize submissions in a very pretentious and elitist way, this little retort I made deserves you. I mean, I do not even think that what I wrote in the week before thanksgiving (regarding an array of issues I take with the dining halls and meal plans) falls too much in line with the FORM you concocted. But I defend those submissions from my peers which do. I defend silly back-and-forth shit. I defend it because why shouldn’t I? If the bullsheet exists. If the bullsheet is something where basically anything can be submitted. If the bullsheet wants to have such lax guidelines. Then the results produced are legitimate. It is a logical matter.
The fact that YOU, someone who works for the bullsheet, have criticized bullsheet content in such a smug manner really irks me. It would be one thing to have written in a little notice saying something to the effect of: we would encourage submissions be more responsible, considerate and content-driven. And maybe that was your intent. But, the fact of the matter is, BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM sorta kinda really comes across as a condemnation. I encourage bullsheet contributors to neither feel ashamed nor the need to change their style or agenda.
When you tell me to become involved with the DCGA Dining Hall Committee, are you suggesting that my ideas are original and reasonable? To such a degree, that were I to have a “position” of power on this campus, then I would be able to get my way and so dramatically alter the dining hall situation? Are you suggesting that by going through the silly (and it IS silly in its current form) and by no means necessary (unless you want to pull an Aristotelian argument, which I doubt you do) measures that consist in trying to become a major part of DCGA… And from there I, once elected (VOTE FOR SEAN, FOLLOWED BY SOME SILLY SLOGAN AND A PICTURE WITH ME LOOKING ALL-DISINGENUOUS!), I could magically make meaningful change on this campus… Then I, I Sean!, WOULD see some changes?! …OH, BUT IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY!
Why can’t I just on occasion write into the bullsheet and address an issue on this campus? Why can’t I write in for the sole public purpose of catching some people’s attention? Why can’t I write in to simply add my vocal discontent to the long list of those before me? …Maybe someone needs to start overseeing the bullsheet, start doing something with these ideas some of us students have taken the time to write in regarding. THAT’S ANOTHER IDEA FOR YOU TO DISMISS SOMEHOW! This overseer could be the type of someone who recognizes that students at this school actually have opinions worth considering. Some of those opinions are good, even. Some of those opinions are even popular (like the Sudexo complaint). Some of those opinions are perhaps worthy of being turned into something more! Some of those opinions are perhaps good grounds for someone who already has some leadership position to do something about such opinions.
…We do not all need (nor want) to become part of the “establishment” of leaders; and we mostly have very good reasons for that, which are not limited to laziness nor ignorance. We are justified, and I think good, to put our voice out there. We, as student writers, can leave it at that. That is acceptable and worthwhile. When our voice is harmlessly funny, even better. When our voice is pretty conscious of what/how we are contributing to a topic, even better. When our voice can inspire people to become more aware of something, even better. …Until this school becomes a direct democracy, I do not feel compelled to give two shits about becoming involved with DCGA. To whoever currently holds the positions on the Dining Hall Services Committee, are you fighting Sudexo like you should be, like the way students on this campus want you to be?
To Kaitlyn, Sophomore Editor:
Fuck, that WAS clever, that thing you wrote in on monday. For a couple seconds I felt pretty down and out. Then, I was able to come up with a string of pretty nice complaints over what you did there, with your BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM. Some questions, to start off: a) what is the bullsheet supposed to be? b) what form would you suggest submissions take instead of those already employed? c) where is my professor’s notification which says that I can choose to not write the 4 page paper for his/her class just as long as I spend a lot of time and care in constructing a perfect submission to the bullsheet? d) where is the drug that I am supposed to take in order to bring myself to YOUR conclusion that bitching is pointless (this applies to 8580, too)? e) where is the drug I take which turns me into a pacifist? f) where is the drug that I take which makes me forget that I AM, IN REALITY, NO MATTER HOW I SPIN IT, paying an outrageous sum of money to go to this school? g) where is the drug that I take in order to forget that police, campus security, sections of administration, certain professors, tons of conduct rules, lots of cultural matters etc are absolutely unjustified on this campus?
Excuse me, but “I have noticed” that YOU have impeded on my justified liberty. I kinda laughed, in a good way, when I read your mocking editorial. So, if you were just trying to be funny with your editorial about BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM, then sorry for my misunderstanding and no hard feelings. If, however, as I suspect, you were trying to criticize submissions in a very pretentious and elitist way, this little retort I made deserves you. I mean, I do not even think that what I wrote in the week before thanksgiving (regarding an array of issues I take with the dining halls and meal plans) falls too much in line with the FORM you concocted. But I defend those submissions from my peers which do. I defend silly back-and-forth shit. I defend it because why shouldn’t I? If the bullsheet exists. If the bullsheet is something where basically anything can be submitted. If the bullsheet wants to have such lax guidelines. Then the results produced are legitimate. It is a logical matter.
The fact that YOU, someone who works for the bullsheet, have criticized bullsheet content in such a smug manner really irks me. It would be one thing to have written in a little notice saying something to the effect of: we would encourage submissions be more responsible, considerate and content-driven. And maybe that was your intent. But, the fact of the matter is, BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM sorta kinda really comes across as a condemnation. I encourage bullsheet contributors to neither feel ashamed nor the need to change their style or agenda.
Harry Brown: A Review by Alex Chan
Harry Brown: A Review
I watched a movie earlier today called Michael Caine: Street Justice. Not really. It was actually titled Harry Brown, and it was pretty cool. It’s a British “crime-thriller” starring Michael Caine as the titular old man, who decides to fuck up some young gang members after they kill his best friend. The film’s take on today’s youth and gang culture is the typical “they hide in graffiti’d tunnels and smoke stuff out of light bulbs when they’re not harassing/killing people” shtick, and the scenes involving police are the usual “hey Chief, listen to me! There’s a vigilante out there killing people! Chief, please listen to my paranoid suspicions instead of doing real police work” sort of deal. But on the whole, the movie seemed like a less horrible, darker, British take on Gran Torino. Here’s a chart that I wrote up comparing the two films:
Gran Torino Harry Brown
Grizzled, ex-armed forces main character who don’t take no shit from no one Yes Yes
Punk ass kids who need a beating Yes Yes
Horrible Asian actors Every single one Just one girl who (unconvincingly) overdoses
Vigilante justice No Yes
Racism Yes No
Michael Caine No Yes
All in all, Harry Brown is a pretty alright movie. It’s good to see that other love Michael Caine as I do, seeing as how half the shots of Caine are close-ups of his face. The main problem was that he is too loveable a guy to be shooting people. To be fair, it’s not as if he goes on a rampage, shooting chavs willy-nilly. Every time I see a closeup of Caine’s sad, world-weary features in Harry Brown, I see a man who is a fucking badass wishes he could turn back time. A few British reviews criticized the movie for lacking “moral ambiguity,” but they can sod off, the tossers.
I watched a movie earlier today called Michael Caine: Street Justice. Not really. It was actually titled Harry Brown, and it was pretty cool. It’s a British “crime-thriller” starring Michael Caine as the titular old man, who decides to fuck up some young gang members after they kill his best friend. The film’s take on today’s youth and gang culture is the typical “they hide in graffiti’d tunnels and smoke stuff out of light bulbs when they’re not harassing/killing people” shtick, and the scenes involving police are the usual “hey Chief, listen to me! There’s a vigilante out there killing people! Chief, please listen to my paranoid suspicions instead of doing real police work” sort of deal. But on the whole, the movie seemed like a less horrible, darker, British take on Gran Torino. Here’s a chart that I wrote up comparing the two films:
Gran Torino Harry Brown
Grizzled, ex-armed forces main character who don’t take no shit from no one Yes Yes
Punk ass kids who need a beating Yes Yes
Horrible Asian actors Every single one Just one girl who (unconvincingly) overdoses
Vigilante justice No Yes
Racism Yes No
Michael Caine No Yes
All in all, Harry Brown is a pretty alright movie. It’s good to see that other love Michael Caine as I do, seeing as how half the shots of Caine are close-ups of his face. The main problem was that he is too loveable a guy to be shooting people. To be fair, it’s not as if he goes on a rampage, shooting chavs willy-nilly. Every time I see a closeup of Caine’s sad, world-weary features in Harry Brown, I see a man who is a fucking badass wishes he could turn back time. A few British reviews criticized the movie for lacking “moral ambiguity,” but they can sod off, the tossers.
Getting the LED Out by Jack Hundley
Those energy-saving “white” LED Christmas lights sure are hideous :(
Jack Hundley
8964
Jack Hundley
8964
SHIT SO REAL It CAN’T be made up (but it is) by Alex Chan
SHIT SO REAL
It CAN’T be made up
(but it is)
If you play Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” backwards, you hear “ecaf rekop,” which is Latin for “pig murder.”
A remake of Shaun of the Dead is in the works. It is to be directed by George Lucas and starring Keanu Reaves as Sean, Shia Labeouf as Ed, and Maggie Gyllenhaal as Liz.
In Australia, potatoes grow on trees and are known as “Outback oysters.”
There are only 4,000 people in the world who are actually double jointed, and they all share one thing in common: they are the most dangerous game.
The game Battleship can be traced back to a similar ancient Greek pastime, in which members of the cult of Dinonysis would guess the location of one their friends’ livestock, and if correct, have sex with it.
For every song that you illegally download, an intern at that record company is given a dead arm.
Every two weeks, someone dies from spontaneous thinking-that-Coldplay-is-good.
The Bullsheet was founded many years ago, when a local farm animal kicked over a lamp and started a fire. A man rose from the ashes of the barn, and that man was Jesus Christ. This is why Chinese New Year is on a different day every year.
It CAN’T be made up
(but it is)
If you play Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” backwards, you hear “ecaf rekop,” which is Latin for “pig murder.”
A remake of Shaun of the Dead is in the works. It is to be directed by George Lucas and starring Keanu Reaves as Sean, Shia Labeouf as Ed, and Maggie Gyllenhaal as Liz.
In Australia, potatoes grow on trees and are known as “Outback oysters.”
There are only 4,000 people in the world who are actually double jointed, and they all share one thing in common: they are the most dangerous game.
The game Battleship can be traced back to a similar ancient Greek pastime, in which members of the cult of Dinonysis would guess the location of one their friends’ livestock, and if correct, have sex with it.
For every song that you illegally download, an intern at that record company is given a dead arm.
Every two weeks, someone dies from spontaneous thinking-that-Coldplay-is-good.
The Bullsheet was founded many years ago, when a local farm animal kicked over a lamp and started a fire. A man rose from the ashes of the barn, and that man was Jesus Christ. This is why Chinese New Year is on a different day every year.
eal news stories that don’t need a punchline by Alex Chan
Real news stories that don’t need a punchline
Student brought up on murder charges is afraid of being branded a murderer
Surprise! Few surprises in Grammy nominations
Somalian suicide attack condemned
Tiger Woods was “very insecure” of his small calves, says mistress
Three LA students may face criminal charges after beating up 11 red-haired classmates
Student brought up on murder charges is afraid of being branded a murderer
Surprise! Few surprises in Grammy nominations
Somalian suicide attack condemned
Tiger Woods was “very insecure” of his small calves, says mistress
Three LA students may face criminal charges after beating up 11 red-haired classmates
You Also Are a Douche by Crystal 7455
Dear Erin Mulhern,
Nothing personal, but you yourself look like a douche by using the word “retarded” in an insulting manner. Seeing as you’re an English major, I’d expect you to be able to come up with a more politically correct, and less offensive, phrase. :)
-Crystal 7455
Nothing personal, but you yourself look like a douche by using the word “retarded” in an insulting manner. Seeing as you’re an English major, I’d expect you to be able to come up with a more politically correct, and less offensive, phrase. :)
-Crystal 7455
Hey Sean 9036 by Slayter Box 8580
Hey Sean 9036,
Denison has a Dining Hall Services Committee on which DCGA elects students to serve. Maybe if you spent half as much time running for a spot as you do bitching, you’d see some changes.
8580
Denison has a Dining Hall Services Committee on which DCGA elects students to serve. Maybe if you spent half as much time running for a spot as you do bitching, you’d see some changes.
8580
Bullsheet Submission Form by Kaitlyn Grissom
BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM
BODY FORMAT A:
Dear Denison Community,
I have noticed_______________________________________. What the fuck, Denison. I pay forty-five thousand dollars a year to go here, and this is what I get. Maybe if the (faculty / staff / administration) weren’t so busy _____________________________________________________, they would finally get there shit together and fix the ______________________.
And, on a completely unrelated note, fuck Sodexo. I just figure that if I restate what everyone else is already saying about Sodexo enough times, Sodexo will vanish in a puff of foul-smelling smoke. Then maybe it will be replaced by ____________________________________________.
___________________________________________________________
And also, fuck security. I hate it when I’m trying to get my fucking underage drank on, and some fucking security guard gets all up in my face, being like, all like, “Alright, kids, it’s quiet hours now,” or “Sorry but this is my job.” What a bunch of fucking pricks. Everybody knows that college was invented to allow me four years of doing whatever I want. Fuck rules. I just fucking want to fucking do the fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
BODY FORMAT B:
Dear douchebag who wrote in yesterday,
You are such a douchebag. Maybe you should quit ___________________________________________, and get a life, like me. Obviously you have nothing to do but submit things to the Bullsheet.
PLEASE CIRCLE A CLOSING ADDRESS: sincerely / fuck you / peace / other___________
PLEASE CHECK NEXT TO PREFERRED SIGNATURE:
__ I prefer to use my real name. ____________________________
__ I have a good reason to submit anonymously, such as:
__ having witnessed a crime
__ having been the victim of sexual assault
__ having received previous threats of violence
__ I have none of the above reasons for not putting my name on my submission, but I’m going to anyway.
Thank you for filling out our submission form! The Bullsheet staff appreciates your contribution.
Form drafted by Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor, and Duchess Sam Driver, Duchess / Guest Editor
BODY FORMAT A:
Dear Denison Community,
I have noticed_______________________________________. What the fuck, Denison. I pay forty-five thousand dollars a year to go here, and this is what I get. Maybe if the (faculty / staff / administration) weren’t so busy _____________________________________________________, they would finally get there shit together and fix the ______________________.
And, on a completely unrelated note, fuck Sodexo. I just figure that if I restate what everyone else is already saying about Sodexo enough times, Sodexo will vanish in a puff of foul-smelling smoke. Then maybe it will be replaced by ____________________________________________.
___________________________________________________________
And also, fuck security. I hate it when I’m trying to get my fucking underage drank on, and some fucking security guard gets all up in my face, being like, all like, “Alright, kids, it’s quiet hours now,” or “Sorry but this is my job.” What a bunch of fucking pricks. Everybody knows that college was invented to allow me four years of doing whatever I want. Fuck rules. I just fucking want to fucking do the fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
BODY FORMAT B:
Dear douchebag who wrote in yesterday,
You are such a douchebag. Maybe you should quit ___________________________________________, and get a life, like me. Obviously you have nothing to do but submit things to the Bullsheet.
PLEASE CIRCLE A CLOSING ADDRESS: sincerely / fuck you / peace / other___________
PLEASE CHECK NEXT TO PREFERRED SIGNATURE:
__ I prefer to use my real name. ____________________________
__ I have a good reason to submit anonymously, such as:
__ having witnessed a crime
__ having been the victim of sexual assault
__ having received previous threats of violence
__ I have none of the above reasons for not putting my name on my submission, but I’m going to anyway.
Thank you for filling out our submission form! The Bullsheet staff appreciates your contribution.
Form drafted by Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor, and Duchess Sam Driver, Duchess / Guest Editor
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Notes from Sodexo Focus Group Meeting
Here are the minutes as fast as I could get them. I won't say who said what (except for myself), but this covers pretty much everything that was said.
---There's Sodexo food on a buffet table in the corner, and we are encouraged to help ourselves. Everyone has just eaten dinner.
---I won't name names, but the group is composed of about twelve students. A few vegetarians. One with severe food allergies. A few DCGA people.
---Running the meeting are Ron Ralston (Sodexo regional manager) and Kim Bacchetti (Sodexo district manager). Note: Ron is sporting the suavest purple button-down I have ever seen.
---Apparently, this meeting is taking place because they "recognize that Baja Taco is not a long-term solution."
---All of the discussion will focus on Slayter, not Huffman or Curtis. Gee, I was lured here under the premise of talking about the dining situation in general. Nice bait-and-switch there, guys.
---The structure has been decided: They read questions off of a list, we go around the table and answer them one by one.
---First question: What retail brand would you like to replace Baja Taco? There is a resounding call for Panera or Panda Express, with a few other fast food joints thrown in.
---What restaurants do you typically choose when you're on break? People name a smattering of ethnic foods. I say I don't eat at restaurants- I buy groceries.
---What type of food would you like to see added to Slayter? Responses are consistent: healthy, local, organic, Asian. I say grocery items like milk, sliced bread, and boxes of pasta.
---How do we define healthy? Knowing what ingredients are in the food, cutting down on grease and preservatives, smaller portions, less processed stuff, more protein to balance out the huge selection of carbs, a plan without flex dollars so that people won't feel pressured to buy more food. Then they can spend it on...GROCERIES!
---Yay! They finally ask: What kind of groceries? For the first time, we're not searching for words. We rack up a long list: Cooking necessities, grocery staples like milk and cereal, breakfast foods, canned goods, more varieties of fruit, energy drinks, to name a few. The last guy brings up that even if we had all these things, the prices would be ridiculously high compared to similar items at a grocery store. Good point, last guy.
---They open up the floor for questions. Students ask the following:
---How are the prices for Slayter items determined? Question deflected! They say that we should ask the general manager, Becky McAda (I'm completely guessing on the spelling. She's not in the directory.) The meeting's minute-keeper, a catering staff member, chimes in with a straight answer. Apparently, twice-yearly price comparisons are conducted by staff members, and all suggested retail prices must be ratified by the board of trustees.
---What have previous focus groups said? Question deflected! Uh, yeah, follow up with Becky on that one.
---My favorite question of the night: Sodexo avoids the whole religion thing by having a "holiday meal" instead of a Christmas meal...and yet has no qualms about serving a "Hannukah dinner." Why? This also gets my favorite response of the night, from Ron: "Uh, I think that's more of a society thing." Kim follows up by saying that a Hannukah dinner is prepared according to Kosher rules, and is a good way to experience someone else's culture. So Christianity doesn't count as a culture, but Judaism does? Another note: every Jewish student I've consulted about those suspicious-looking latkes says that the Sodexo Hannukah bears absolutely no resemblance to the real thing.
---What would you be willing to pay for a full meal, including a drink? All other answers range from five to seven dollars. I low-ball it at $3. "Three dollars? For a full meal?" says Ron. Well, if I could get my head out of Sodexo's stranglehold and BUY MY OWN GROCERIES, I'd only be paying 75 cents a meal.
---What percentage of foods served in the dining halls are from Ohio? They say, in many words, that both Sodexo and the University trying their best to be more sustainable.
---One student has brought an article about a Sodexo-catered dining hall at another university, which has made various accomodations for students with nut and gluten allergies. Can we expect to see improvements in this area? They say that's certainly something to work on.
---What was your impetus for holding this meeting? They're stumped. The university just asked them to do it. Note to self: Must find out who, and if that person reads the Bullsheet.
---Will students have a say in what establishment replaces Baja Taco? Maybe.
---Will there be another focus group concerning Curtis and Huffman? Sounds good, we'll work on it.
---Them veggies look sketchy. How do you prepare them, and how fresh are they? Why, shipments arrive three times a week, and there are strict "freshness rules."
---I ask for a Christmas present: a cheaper meal plan that doesn't have flex dollars. On second thought, very bad move on my part. Not so sure Santa and I are on the best terms.
---Fruit girl really wants more fruit!
---Ron reminds us that they are simply passing this information along to the administration- the university gets to make the final call.
---Focus group dismissed. We are informed that this is the only time we'll be allowed to take food from an event, so we had better take lots and lots! I consider shoving some chicken and green beans in my pockets, but decide against it. Oooh, is that Diet Coke? Score!
My synopsis: The entire discussion was tightly controlled. They want to what they could do to make us for satisfied with Slayter's food options...not what would make us more satisfied with our food options in general. Their narrow line of questioning makes sense. After all, they're a company trying to make money. But one wonders what their capital motivation to make these changes is, since the structure of the meal plan system forces us to buy their products, and only their products, no matter how low the quality or high the price.
As good marketing people, they want to know how to simultaneously promote the interests of the students (cheaper, healthier food) and Sodexo's interests ($$$). The ugly truth is, however, that our interests are in direct opposition to ours. The less Sodexo monopolizes our food budget, the healthier and cheaper we are likely to eat. But of course, these guys can't go back to their bosses and advocate sacrificing revenue. So they'll pack Slayter with a wider, more nutritious variety of overpriced crap.
I appreciate the effort from all parties involved, but asking "What Sodexo food do you want to eat?" is not the same as asking "What do you want to eat?"
If any one knows whose tree to go barking up, let me know.
Over and out,
Kaitlyn Grissom
Sophomore Editor
---There's Sodexo food on a buffet table in the corner, and we are encouraged to help ourselves. Everyone has just eaten dinner.
---I won't name names, but the group is composed of about twelve students. A few vegetarians. One with severe food allergies. A few DCGA people.
---Running the meeting are Ron Ralston (Sodexo regional manager) and Kim Bacchetti (Sodexo district manager). Note: Ron is sporting the suavest purple button-down I have ever seen.
---Apparently, this meeting is taking place because they "recognize that Baja Taco is not a long-term solution."
---All of the discussion will focus on Slayter, not Huffman or Curtis. Gee, I was lured here under the premise of talking about the dining situation in general. Nice bait-and-switch there, guys.
---The structure has been decided: They read questions off of a list, we go around the table and answer them one by one.
---First question: What retail brand would you like to replace Baja Taco? There is a resounding call for Panera or Panda Express, with a few other fast food joints thrown in.
---What restaurants do you typically choose when you're on break? People name a smattering of ethnic foods. I say I don't eat at restaurants- I buy groceries.
---What type of food would you like to see added to Slayter? Responses are consistent: healthy, local, organic, Asian. I say grocery items like milk, sliced bread, and boxes of pasta.
---How do we define healthy? Knowing what ingredients are in the food, cutting down on grease and preservatives, smaller portions, less processed stuff, more protein to balance out the huge selection of carbs, a plan without flex dollars so that people won't feel pressured to buy more food. Then they can spend it on...GROCERIES!
---Yay! They finally ask: What kind of groceries? For the first time, we're not searching for words. We rack up a long list: Cooking necessities, grocery staples like milk and cereal, breakfast foods, canned goods, more varieties of fruit, energy drinks, to name a few. The last guy brings up that even if we had all these things, the prices would be ridiculously high compared to similar items at a grocery store. Good point, last guy.
---They open up the floor for questions. Students ask the following:
---How are the prices for Slayter items determined? Question deflected! They say that we should ask the general manager, Becky McAda (I'm completely guessing on the spelling. She's not in the directory.) The meeting's minute-keeper, a catering staff member, chimes in with a straight answer. Apparently, twice-yearly price comparisons are conducted by staff members, and all suggested retail prices must be ratified by the board of trustees.
---What have previous focus groups said? Question deflected! Uh, yeah, follow up with Becky on that one.
---My favorite question of the night: Sodexo avoids the whole religion thing by having a "holiday meal" instead of a Christmas meal...and yet has no qualms about serving a "Hannukah dinner." Why? This also gets my favorite response of the night, from Ron: "Uh, I think that's more of a society thing." Kim follows up by saying that a Hannukah dinner is prepared according to Kosher rules, and is a good way to experience someone else's culture. So Christianity doesn't count as a culture, but Judaism does? Another note: every Jewish student I've consulted about those suspicious-looking latkes says that the Sodexo Hannukah bears absolutely no resemblance to the real thing.
---What would you be willing to pay for a full meal, including a drink? All other answers range from five to seven dollars. I low-ball it at $3. "Three dollars? For a full meal?" says Ron. Well, if I could get my head out of Sodexo's stranglehold and BUY MY OWN GROCERIES, I'd only be paying 75 cents a meal.
---What percentage of foods served in the dining halls are from Ohio? They say, in many words, that both Sodexo and the University trying their best to be more sustainable.
---One student has brought an article about a Sodexo-catered dining hall at another university, which has made various accomodations for students with nut and gluten allergies. Can we expect to see improvements in this area? They say that's certainly something to work on.
---What was your impetus for holding this meeting? They're stumped. The university just asked them to do it. Note to self: Must find out who, and if that person reads the Bullsheet.
---Will students have a say in what establishment replaces Baja Taco? Maybe.
---Will there be another focus group concerning Curtis and Huffman? Sounds good, we'll work on it.
---Them veggies look sketchy. How do you prepare them, and how fresh are they? Why, shipments arrive three times a week, and there are strict "freshness rules."
---I ask for a Christmas present: a cheaper meal plan that doesn't have flex dollars. On second thought, very bad move on my part. Not so sure Santa and I are on the best terms.
---Fruit girl really wants more fruit!
---Ron reminds us that they are simply passing this information along to the administration- the university gets to make the final call.
---Focus group dismissed. We are informed that this is the only time we'll be allowed to take food from an event, so we had better take lots and lots! I consider shoving some chicken and green beans in my pockets, but decide against it. Oooh, is that Diet Coke? Score!
My synopsis: The entire discussion was tightly controlled. They want to what they could do to make us for satisfied with Slayter's food options...not what would make us more satisfied with our food options in general. Their narrow line of questioning makes sense. After all, they're a company trying to make money. But one wonders what their capital motivation to make these changes is, since the structure of the meal plan system forces us to buy their products, and only their products, no matter how low the quality or high the price.
As good marketing people, they want to know how to simultaneously promote the interests of the students (cheaper, healthier food) and Sodexo's interests ($$$). The ugly truth is, however, that our interests are in direct opposition to ours. The less Sodexo monopolizes our food budget, the healthier and cheaper we are likely to eat. But of course, these guys can't go back to their bosses and advocate sacrificing revenue. So they'll pack Slayter with a wider, more nutritious variety of overpriced crap.
I appreciate the effort from all parties involved, but asking "What Sodexo food do you want to eat?" is not the same as asking "What do you want to eat?"
If any one knows whose tree to go barking up, let me know.
Over and out,
Kaitlyn Grissom
Sophomore Editor
Monday, November 30, 2009
Dick-Tion-Airy
Dear Erin Mulhern,
Nothing personal, but you yourself look like a douche by using the word "retarded" in an
insulting manner. Seeing as you're an English major, I'd expect you to be able to come
up with a more politically correct, and less offensive, phrase. :)
-Crystal 7455
Nothing personal, but you yourself look like a douche by using the word "retarded" in an
insulting manner. Seeing as you're an English major, I'd expect you to be able to come
up with a more politically correct, and less offensive, phrase. :)
-Crystal 7455
Vote For Cheesecake
Hey Sean 9036,
Denison has a Dining Hall Services Committee on which DCGA elects students to serve.
Maybe if you spent half as much time running for a spot as you do bitching, you'd see
some changes.
8580
Denison has a Dining Hall Services Committee on which DCGA elects students to serve.
Maybe if you spent half as much time running for a spot as you do bitching, you'd see
some changes.
8580
Busy Bee Busts Balls
Dear Denison,
If I wanted to impress my friends, I would tell them about the time I went skydiving, or
that I have a pet chimpanzee.
I would not tell them about how many papers I have to write, how many all-nighters I've
pulled this week, or how many tests I have on the same day, because none of these things
are impressive.
It is nearly the end of the semester, and everyone is really, really busy. The least we
can all do is spare one another the lame horror-story about our miserable lives.
Carlin
If I wanted to impress my friends, I would tell them about the time I went skydiving, or
that I have a pet chimpanzee.
I would not tell them about how many papers I have to write, how many all-nighters I've
pulled this week, or how many tests I have on the same day, because none of these things
are impressive.
It is nearly the end of the semester, and everyone is really, really busy. The least we
can all do is spare one another the lame horror-story about our miserable lives.
Carlin
Like No = His Words, Not Mine
I would like to apologize for the "crystal meth" comment I made in my submission
this past Friday. No, there is probably no correlation between the quality of meals and
crystal meth. Additionally, though this comment was not necessarily directed toward food
service employees at Denison, I can see how the comment was grossly insensitive. I can
also see how it could hurt the feelings of "cooks" at this school. So, for that I'm sorry.
On the other hand, though crystal meth has nothing to do with it, the food at
Denison still sucks, and I hate having to pay to eat it. Thus, I have included my
revision to the crystal meth statement: You realize that the quality of your meal
probably has nothing to do with crystal meth (though you have entertained the idea) or
the cooks (because who would want to hurt their feelings?).
7318
this past Friday. No, there is probably no correlation between the quality of meals and
crystal meth. Additionally, though this comment was not necessarily directed toward food
service employees at Denison, I can see how the comment was grossly insensitive. I can
also see how it could hurt the feelings of "cooks" at this school. So, for that I'm sorry.
On the other hand, though crystal meth has nothing to do with it, the food at
Denison still sucks, and I hate having to pay to eat it. Thus, I have included my
revision to the crystal meth statement: You realize that the quality of your meal
probably has nothing to do with crystal meth (though you have entertained the idea) or
the cooks (because who would want to hurt their feelings?).
7318
Democracy In Action
I don't really know what power the co-governor possesses. Nor have I concerned myself in
the past about their responsibilities or potential in changing Denison. But I will give
a resounding "Goddamn" to Mr. Jerome Price. His campaign is top notch. Great posters,
sir. Strategic placement. Way to get your face out there, and in front of Swasey no
less. I applaud. You've got my vote if I remember to vote, or more realistically if I
stumble upon the page where you vote, on that particular day. And for my first request
from student government: Could you please look into the ethics of Dr. Knobel to have his
little two shit dog walked by Sodexho workers while he is out gallivanting and
schmoozing. Not two hours ago, at 1:30 in the PM on Saturday did I witness Dr. Knobel
leave his premises, what I believe to be a free estate provided by the University.
Subsequently, I witnessed a Sodexho worker walking his dog, watching it shit on the
student housing lawn next door. Can you, student government, address this? Isn't this
wrong, somehow, someway? I can't imagine we pay into the Sodexho corporation, ludicrous
sums I might add, to provide dog walking service for our President. Misappropriation of
funds perhaps? Non contracted work, some may say. Others might suggest just poor taste.
Regardless, can we have someone look with a scrutinizing eye towards the practices of
Sodexho and those who hire them. I mean, Sodexho is only providing us with FOOD. That
we HAVE to buy as dictated by our administration. That we'll pay interest on sense we're
all, well nearly all, going to be in debt upon leaving this institution.
So maybe can we get this College's shit together? Just a little bit, can you help us
Jerome? Or Harry? Or whoever else has a charming grin they want to slap on a poster.
peter zimmer
8678
the past about their responsibilities or potential in changing Denison. But I will give
a resounding "Goddamn" to Mr. Jerome Price. His campaign is top notch. Great posters,
sir. Strategic placement. Way to get your face out there, and in front of Swasey no
less. I applaud. You've got my vote if I remember to vote, or more realistically if I
stumble upon the page where you vote, on that particular day. And for my first request
from student government: Could you please look into the ethics of Dr. Knobel to have his
little two shit dog walked by Sodexho workers while he is out gallivanting and
schmoozing. Not two hours ago, at 1:30 in the PM on Saturday did I witness Dr. Knobel
leave his premises, what I believe to be a free estate provided by the University.
Subsequently, I witnessed a Sodexho worker walking his dog, watching it shit on the
student housing lawn next door. Can you, student government, address this? Isn't this
wrong, somehow, someway? I can't imagine we pay into the Sodexho corporation, ludicrous
sums I might add, to provide dog walking service for our President. Misappropriation of
funds perhaps? Non contracted work, some may say. Others might suggest just poor taste.
Regardless, can we have someone look with a scrutinizing eye towards the practices of
Sodexho and those who hire them. I mean, Sodexho is only providing us with FOOD. That
we HAVE to buy as dictated by our administration. That we'll pay interest on sense we're
all, well nearly all, going to be in debt upon leaving this institution.
So maybe can we get this College's shit together? Just a little bit, can you help us
Jerome? Or Harry? Or whoever else has a charming grin they want to slap on a poster.
peter zimmer
8678
Wine is Tasty
Dear Slayter box # 7318,
I am indeed looking forward to Thanksgiving break. But for several different reasons than
you. You know, the whole break from classes thing...? Or eating a shit ton of turkey?
Yeah, that kind of thing.
Now, thank you so much for bravely announcing all of your grievances with this school. I
mean, anonymous submissions truly show that you are not only a whiny bitch, but a whiny
bitch with BALLS OF FUCKING STEEL.
Let's review why you hate this school: the lack of parties. I don't know about you, but I
didn't come to Denison for the party scene. I came here because of the excellent academic
program. If that means that I have to settle with drinking casually with my friends, so
be it. Might I remind you that you chose to attend this school? If you're looking for
"real" college parties, then get the fuck off of the campus. Go to Ohio State. Drink
yourself stupid. Have fun with that. But just stop fucking whining. Honestly.
Erin Mulhern
I am indeed looking forward to Thanksgiving break. But for several different reasons than
you. You know, the whole break from classes thing...? Or eating a shit ton of turkey?
Yeah, that kind of thing.
Now, thank you so much for bravely announcing all of your grievances with this school. I
mean, anonymous submissions truly show that you are not only a whiny bitch, but a whiny
bitch with BALLS OF FUCKING STEEL.
Let's review why you hate this school: the lack of parties. I don't know about you, but I
didn't come to Denison for the party scene. I came here because of the excellent academic
program. If that means that I have to settle with drinking casually with my friends, so
be it. Might I remind you that you chose to attend this school? If you're looking for
"real" college parties, then get the fuck off of the campus. Go to Ohio State. Drink
yourself stupid. Have fun with that. But just stop fucking whining. Honestly.
Erin Mulhern
POV
Dear 7318,
If you don't like it here, transfer to a state school like OSU or PSU. Once you arrive, be prepared for some wild parties! Set in some dirty senior's off- campus house, there will be a hundred people you don't know. Then, wade through the throngs of bros and bras to find the keg. Upon discovery of the college holy grail, one must jostle for position. Not only will some large, awkwardly drunk man pump the keg and pour you a small solo cup of mostly foam, but he will charge you five or ten bucks to use said cup. As you and your friends realize, it is literally impossible to get drunk or interact with anyone at a state school party. On your 30 minute walk home, prepare to be heckled by REAL police, not security, and risk getting in legal trouble instead of a slap on the wrist. Now that's one awesome night.
(If you haven't learned by now, your friends from home probably embellish a little bit about how awesome their weekends are).
Or, you could party at Denison and interact with smaller groups of people you know. You can broaden your social horizons instead of going to a different near-condemned house every weekend. Oh, and you can actually get drunk, too!
- Cupé Fiasco
7547
If you don't like it here, transfer to a state school like OSU or PSU. Once you arrive, be prepared for some wild parties! Set in some dirty senior's off- campus house, there will be a hundred people you don't know. Then, wade through the throngs of bros and bras to find the keg. Upon discovery of the college holy grail, one must jostle for position. Not only will some large, awkwardly drunk man pump the keg and pour you a small solo cup of mostly foam, but he will charge you five or ten bucks to use said cup. As you and your friends realize, it is literally impossible to get drunk or interact with anyone at a state school party. On your 30 minute walk home, prepare to be heckled by REAL police, not security, and risk getting in legal trouble instead of a slap on the wrist. Now that's one awesome night.
(If you haven't learned by now, your friends from home probably embellish a little bit about how awesome their weekends are).
Or, you could party at Denison and interact with smaller groups of people you know. You can broaden your social horizons instead of going to a different near-condemned house every weekend. Oh, and you can actually get drunk, too!
- Cupé Fiasco
7547
You Can Buy Lappys for 400? Oh.
To the library circulation desk (and those accomplished folk who proudly stand behind the
materials security system, admiring their handiwork):
I'm not sure what a Nixon-era book burglar STOP system and a $400 Toshiba laptop have in
common, but if I had to guess, I'd assume that the speed dating between the two ranks
somewhere below Cupid.com's standards. In fact, I'd place those two on Craigslist--no
pictures please.
But alas, it remains that half of the time I walk out the library, my Toshiba sets off
the BOOKKIDNAPSTOP PRO 2000, which had to have been engineered by a five-year old
tripping acid. This magnetic marvel functions always to ensure that Denison students
aren't walking out with books and CD's that have not been checked out and thus
magnetically "deactivated", nevermind the fact that it makes much more sense to insert a
given CD into any computer and rip the files, allowing one to "steal" the content without
having the worry about scratching the fucking disk. And that nobody gives enough of a
shit about books to actually steal them. But I digress. I'm really looking forward to
the next several semesters of being frisked, until the person in charge of handing me my
laptop drops it on the ground and smashes the shit out of it. Then I'll be able to check
one out from the library.
-7427
materials security system, admiring their handiwork):
I'm not sure what a Nixon-era book burglar STOP system and a $400 Toshiba laptop have in
common, but if I had to guess, I'd assume that the speed dating between the two ranks
somewhere below Cupid.com's standards. In fact, I'd place those two on Craigslist--no
pictures please.
But alas, it remains that half of the time I walk out the library, my Toshiba sets off
the BOOKKIDNAPSTOP PRO 2000, which had to have been engineered by a five-year old
tripping acid. This magnetic marvel functions always to ensure that Denison students
aren't walking out with books and CD's that have not been checked out and thus
magnetically "deactivated", nevermind the fact that it makes much more sense to insert a
given CD into any computer and rip the files, allowing one to "steal" the content without
having the worry about scratching the fucking disk. And that nobody gives enough of a
shit about books to actually steal them. But I digress. I'm really looking forward to
the next several semesters of being frisked, until the person in charge of handing me my
laptop drops it on the ground and smashes the shit out of it. Then I'll be able to check
one out from the library.
-7427
Flashing. Lights. Flashing. Lights.
Thanksgiving break is approaching. Lots of cool stuff happens over break, but the best
thing about it is when you get to see all your friends from home. It's awesome when they
tell you how much fun they're having at college. Then you realize how lame the little
clusterfuck get togethers here are. You realize that though you are smarter than your
state school friends, your idea of a party has fallen to the low level of a few dudes in
button ups doing a dance they practiced all week to the melody of Lady Gaga. You realize
you really had sex with that girl/guy, and that somehow you have been brainwashed by this
school to think they were attractive. You realize you never went to a sporting event
drunk after a morning of tailgating. You realize you never went to a sporting event
period. You realize that your friends' party houses cost half the price of your double in
east quad. You realize that your friends supply their party houses with beer money that
did not have to go towards an overpriced mealplan. You realize that ninety percent of the
bros here have never been to a real college party. You realize that none of those bros
have ever got the shit kicked out of them at a real college party for being douchers. You
realize that this school is literally the only place in the universe where Denny the
security guard has any power. You realize this is literally the only place in the
universe where Denny the security guard is able to talk to girls. You realize that the
quality of your meal depends on whether or not the cooks have had their meth. FUCK. I
hope everyone is looking forward to break as much as I am.
7318
thing about it is when you get to see all your friends from home. It's awesome when they
tell you how much fun they're having at college. Then you realize how lame the little
clusterfuck get togethers here are. You realize that though you are smarter than your
state school friends, your idea of a party has fallen to the low level of a few dudes in
button ups doing a dance they practiced all week to the melody of Lady Gaga. You realize
you really had sex with that girl/guy, and that somehow you have been brainwashed by this
school to think they were attractive. You realize you never went to a sporting event
drunk after a morning of tailgating. You realize you never went to a sporting event
period. You realize that your friends' party houses cost half the price of your double in
east quad. You realize that your friends supply their party houses with beer money that
did not have to go towards an overpriced mealplan. You realize that ninety percent of the
bros here have never been to a real college party. You realize that none of those bros
have ever got the shit kicked out of them at a real college party for being douchers. You
realize that this school is literally the only place in the universe where Denny the
security guard has any power. You realize this is literally the only place in the
universe where Denny the security guard is able to talk to girls. You realize that the
quality of your meal depends on whether or not the cooks have had their meth. FUCK. I
hope everyone is looking forward to break as much as I am.
7318
I Hooked My N64 Into the Wall. I Saw Red.
Dear Percy,
I, too, have been struck down by my own green shells in the final moments of an exhilarating race. In fact, just the other night I was partaking in the Star Cup when a similar demise fell upon me. It was the first race, Wario Stadium, and I was leading the pack going into the third lap. The competition was fierce and Peach was hot on my tail the entire race. I came across the last set of magical question marks and I was blessed with a trifecta of green defense/attack. As I made the final turn I saw Peach going in for the kill and I had to something to shut her down. I attempted to pull a varsity move and shoot my shells at the wall as I made the turn hoping they would reflect and strike her off my tail. However, my angle was off and instead they went shooting down into the final alley turning it into a gauntlet of ricocheting hell. I'm tearing down the final stretch, Peach all over my ass and about to pass, when it happened. My own shells had betrayed me. It took an excruciatingly long 4 seconds to be able to race again and I ended in 5th, earning no points...and no respect.
condolences,
Jimmy
7348
I, too, have been struck down by my own green shells in the final moments of an exhilarating race. In fact, just the other night I was partaking in the Star Cup when a similar demise fell upon me. It was the first race, Wario Stadium, and I was leading the pack going into the third lap. The competition was fierce and Peach was hot on my tail the entire race. I came across the last set of magical question marks and I was blessed with a trifecta of green defense/attack. As I made the final turn I saw Peach going in for the kill and I had to something to shut her down. I attempted to pull a varsity move and shoot my shells at the wall as I made the turn hoping they would reflect and strike her off my tail. However, my angle was off and instead they went shooting down into the final alley turning it into a gauntlet of ricocheting hell. I'm tearing down the final stretch, Peach all over my ass and about to pass, when it happened. My own shells had betrayed me. It took an excruciatingly long 4 seconds to be able to race again and I ended in 5th, earning no points...and no respect.
condolences,
Jimmy
7348
Class Registration = NIGHTMARE.
So...it's 12:24 in the morning and I just found out that as an econ major, I didn't get
into any of the electives I was planning to take next semester, which are essential to me
graduating on time. The same thing happened to my roommate and two other friends, all of
whom are econ majors too. We're all juniors, so you would think (going on probability)
that at least ONE of us would get into a class. But you know, THIS SCHOOL has decided
that for one of its most popular majors, it is only going to hold 6 electives in the econ
department, equating to about 120 students, out of 2048 students total on campus. Should
I blame the amount of freshmen that were let in this year? Should I blame the amount of
people who want to be econ majors? No, it's not really any of those people's faults. It's
really a concept that a school that is so highly praised for its economics department
should understand: supply and demand. So, why Denison? Why am I here paying far more at
this institution than I would at a state one, and not able to get into any of the classes
I need to get the opportunities YOU promised me? I'd really like to know. And I'm sure
there are plenty of other people who would like to know why they can't get into their
classes either. Your supply is not meeting your demand...so fucking step it up. And try
not to screw me out of the education you promised me would be such a glowing addition to
my resume three years ago on my tour.
Your Soon-to-be-an-OWU-Student,
Alexandra Rose
Dance/Economics Double Major
Junior Dance Fellow
Denison University 2011
rose_a@denison.edu
Slayter Box #8833
BLOG EDITOR NOTE: Obviously she plays Soul Calibre.
into any of the electives I was planning to take next semester, which are essential to me
graduating on time. The same thing happened to my roommate and two other friends, all of
whom are econ majors too. We're all juniors, so you would think (going on probability)
that at least ONE of us would get into a class. But you know, THIS SCHOOL has decided
that for one of its most popular majors, it is only going to hold 6 electives in the econ
department, equating to about 120 students, out of 2048 students total on campus. Should
I blame the amount of freshmen that were let in this year? Should I blame the amount of
people who want to be econ majors? No, it's not really any of those people's faults. It's
really a concept that a school that is so highly praised for its economics department
should understand: supply and demand. So, why Denison? Why am I here paying far more at
this institution than I would at a state one, and not able to get into any of the classes
I need to get the opportunities YOU promised me? I'd really like to know. And I'm sure
there are plenty of other people who would like to know why they can't get into their
classes either. Your supply is not meeting your demand...so fucking step it up. And try
not to screw me out of the education you promised me would be such a glowing addition to
my resume three years ago on my tour.
Your Soon-to-be-an-OWU-Student,
Alexandra Rose
Dance/Economics Double Major
Junior Dance Fellow
Denison University 2011
rose_a@denison.edu
Slayter Box #8833
BLOG EDITOR NOTE: Obviously she plays Soul Calibre.
Dear Denison Community,
Recently I was playing one of my favorite past time games and noticed something which you should all be aware of. During the last race of Flower Cup of the ever famous game Mario Kart (the original), I was leading the race coming up to the finish line when I decided to shoot the rest of my green shells for fun. Little did I know/predict that the green shells would simply bounce of the wall, allow me to catch up with them, and then strike me. This unforeseen circumstance cost me first place, and as you can imagine I was quite upset. Ever since this episode I have been considering just how those green shells got me and come across the following explanation courtesy of www.graphjam.com. May this be a guide to everyone you engages in one of the greatest games ever created.
Love,
Percy
Slayter 8826
Recently I was playing one of my favorite past time games and noticed something which you should all be aware of. During the last race of Flower Cup of the ever famous game Mario Kart (the original), I was leading the race coming up to the finish line when I decided to shoot the rest of my green shells for fun. Little did I know/predict that the green shells would simply bounce of the wall, allow me to catch up with them, and then strike me. This unforeseen circumstance cost me first place, and as you can imagine I was quite upset. Ever since this episode I have been considering just how those green shells got me and come across the following explanation courtesy of www.graphjam.com. May this be a guide to everyone you engages in one of the greatest games ever created.
Love,
Percy
Slayter 8826
Rollin' Like A King
Dear Person on South Quad (Who Probably Lives in King),
I'm really sorry that no one was able to drive you from the art building to your dorm, I
hope you made it safely on my bike.
And by this I mean: fuck you, try walking.
Anyway, thanks for nothing, hope you don't miss my bike. Rather, I don't care if you miss
my bike. Because it's mine.
Thanks for making my Sunday night good for a few minutes,
Alex
I'm really sorry that no one was able to drive you from the art building to your dorm, I
hope you made it safely on my bike.
And by this I mean: fuck you, try walking.
Anyway, thanks for nothing, hope you don't miss my bike. Rather, I don't care if you miss
my bike. Because it's mine.
Thanks for making my Sunday night good for a few minutes,
Alex
Hail the Chief
Fellow Denisonians,
As many of you may have already heard, I have been elected to serve as the President of
the Denison Campus Governance Association. After a long and arduous campaign against
three of the most qualified, passionate, and dedicated members of my class, the student
body selected me to lead them through the year 2010.
On the table are a great variety of issues: dining, diversity, communication,
sustainability, residential policy, identity, resources, and more. To tackle these issues
effectively, I will need passionate and dedicated students to participate in the student
Senate as well as in committees that address these issues. I have said before that I
would not have come this far without the students’ support; I must also say that, without
continued support, I will not be able to go as far as I would like to go.
So to first years, sophomores, and juniors: I am asking you to consider running for the
Senate. Not only is participating in the Senate superb leadership experience, but it will
allow you to help make real change on campus. With enough students willing to see
improvements on Denison's campus, I am certain that little that is unattainable.
There will be an information meeting tonight at 8:00pm in the Shepardson Room on the
fourth floor of Slayter Union. There is no commitment to running if you attend, but you
will have the option of asking former representatives or me questions about student
government. Campaigning begins tomorrow, and elections will be on Tuesday, November 17th.
If you have any questions about elections and cannot make tonight’s meeting, please do
not hesitate in contacting Elections Chair Lauren Waters (waters_l@denison.edu) or me
(brisso_h@denison.edu) so we can address them.
See you at Senate,
Your Representative,
Eric "Harry" Brisson
DCGA Senator, Class of 2011
DCGA President-Elect
Slayter Box 8908
As many of you may have already heard, I have been elected to serve as the President of
the Denison Campus Governance Association. After a long and arduous campaign against
three of the most qualified, passionate, and dedicated members of my class, the student
body selected me to lead them through the year 2010.
On the table are a great variety of issues: dining, diversity, communication,
sustainability, residential policy, identity, resources, and more. To tackle these issues
effectively, I will need passionate and dedicated students to participate in the student
Senate as well as in committees that address these issues. I have said before that I
would not have come this far without the students’ support; I must also say that, without
continued support, I will not be able to go as far as I would like to go.
So to first years, sophomores, and juniors: I am asking you to consider running for the
Senate. Not only is participating in the Senate superb leadership experience, but it will
allow you to help make real change on campus. With enough students willing to see
improvements on Denison's campus, I am certain that little that is unattainable.
There will be an information meeting tonight at 8:00pm in the Shepardson Room on the
fourth floor of Slayter Union. There is no commitment to running if you attend, but you
will have the option of asking former representatives or me questions about student
government. Campaigning begins tomorrow, and elections will be on Tuesday, November 17th.
If you have any questions about elections and cannot make tonight’s meeting, please do
not hesitate in contacting Elections Chair Lauren Waters (waters_l@denison.edu) or me
(brisso_h@denison.edu) so we can address them.
See you at Senate,
Your Representative,
Eric "Harry" Brisson
DCGA Senator, Class of 2011
DCGA President-Elect
Slayter Box 8908
Lovely Ladies
Dear Blacked Out in Lower Elm,
We apologize that your "fuckhole" has been violated, and we understand that you're upset,
but we must regretfully inform you that you are being robbed. If we were attending an
expensive, private Liberal Arts University just to ogle boobs and found ourselves
deprived of them, we too would be irate. In order to cut costs, we recommend staying at
home with mommy and jerking off to porn in the basement. Just imagine! 24 hour access to
the perfect girls for you: the kind with no self esteem or knowledge of your existence!
Plus, this way you don't run the risk of fumbling around for a drunk, flaccid, penis from
beneath your sweaty, flabby, beer-gut and disappointing the lucky lady who is drunk
enough to be having sex with you. Before we read of your crippling dilemma, we were under
the impression that Denison was a prestigious academic institution dedicated to ridding
the world of ignorance. How foolish we were! We too are now deeply concerned about the
future of our University. To think that here we are, studying and leading fulfilling and
independent lives as women, while poor souls like yourself are desperately searching for
a drunken crevice in which to insert their tiny penis...
Will there ever be justice? We can only hope.
Our Deepest Condolences,
Liza Hudock and Samantha Driver
P.S. Before you accuse womens' vaginas of smelling bad, keep in mind that a paunchy boy's
body odor combined with sweat and beer can in fact cause his penis to emit quite a putrid
stench. After all, people say that nasty shit smells like "dick" for a reason.
We apologize that your "fuckhole" has been violated, and we understand that you're upset,
but we must regretfully inform you that you are being robbed. If we were attending an
expensive, private Liberal Arts University just to ogle boobs and found ourselves
deprived of them, we too would be irate. In order to cut costs, we recommend staying at
home with mommy and jerking off to porn in the basement. Just imagine! 24 hour access to
the perfect girls for you: the kind with no self esteem or knowledge of your existence!
Plus, this way you don't run the risk of fumbling around for a drunk, flaccid, penis from
beneath your sweaty, flabby, beer-gut and disappointing the lucky lady who is drunk
enough to be having sex with you. Before we read of your crippling dilemma, we were under
the impression that Denison was a prestigious academic institution dedicated to ridding
the world of ignorance. How foolish we were! We too are now deeply concerned about the
future of our University. To think that here we are, studying and leading fulfilling and
independent lives as women, while poor souls like yourself are desperately searching for
a drunken crevice in which to insert their tiny penis...
Will there ever be justice? We can only hope.
Our Deepest Condolences,
Liza Hudock and Samantha Driver
P.S. Before you accuse womens' vaginas of smelling bad, keep in mind that a paunchy boy's
body odor combined with sweat and beer can in fact cause his penis to emit quite a putrid
stench. After all, people say that nasty shit smells like "dick" for a reason.
...
WANTED: NUBILE VIRGINS FOR SATANIC RITUAL/ POST-RITUAL FESTIVITIES. MUST PASS HEALTH
EXAM AND PROVIDE CHARACTER REFERENCES.
Excellent pay and health benefits.
Many different positions available.
Please direct inquiries to Mike Shirar at: shirar_m@denison.edu
EXAM AND PROVIDE CHARACTER REFERENCES.
Excellent pay and health benefits.
Many different positions available.
Please direct inquiries to Mike Shirar at: shirar_m@denison.edu
Can You Feel the Love Tonight?
Dear Blacked Out in Lower Elm,
The "Dear Bullsheet" letter on Tuesday, like all of the "Dear Bullsheet" letters, was
fake. As in, made up by the editor as a joke. The person whose vaginal odor you were
whiffing does not actually exist.
Glad you got all that off your chest, though.
-Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor
The "Dear Bullsheet" letter on Tuesday, like all of the "Dear Bullsheet" letters, was
fake. As in, made up by the editor as a joke. The person whose vaginal odor you were
whiffing does not actually exist.
Glad you got all that off your chest, though.
-Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor
Redaction
I would like to extend an apology to the owner of Slayter Box 7408 for the submission that was printed yesterday, November 5th. Until this point in time we have trusted the student body to provide an accurate Slayter Box number if they do not want their name signed at the bottom of their submission. This is just a matter of ownership of your words and opinions. As managing editor I take full responsibility for the lack of ownership taken with the submission signed with Slayter Box 7408 since the author of the submission to "Listless in Lower Elm" did not choose to take ownership. The reason why "Listless in Lower Elm" didn't have a name or Slayter Box attached is because it was an entry created by editor Kaitlyn Grissom. The Bullsheet is trying out a new editing style including something called "Ask Bull" and we figured it would be clear that they were made-up articles by the nature of their (lack of) signature. I am sorry it was not clear. In the future we will be researching Slayter Box numbers to ensure this never happens again.
My sincerest apologies, Laura Masters, Managing Editor
My sincerest apologies, Laura Masters, Managing Editor
Rebuttal
Hey peeps,
I am writing in response to the recent submissions concerning Sodexo and the ongoing debate on dining choices and options at Slayter.
As one of many students who go to this school thanks to scholarships, and who is wary of where my money goes in terms of the meal plan, I can surely speak for others and say that this issue is of immediate concern to me.
Although I don’t necessarily back Ben Leatherman in terms of his outlook on DCGA, or his communist-geared suggestions on how to improve the dining situation (although humorous), I did appreciate his recognition of the fact that several other universities offer dining options that are 24-7, and the fact that prices are all the more reasonable. I also appreciate his research in finding out that our situation is not necessarily the fault of Sodexo.
This is where I get brutally honest. I was APPALLED by the response submitted by an unnamed “Sedexo” staff member, who actually spelled “S-o-d-e-x-o” with the incorrect spelling. I was more appalled, however, by their blatantly ignorant assumptions about the Denison student body.
Judging by the fact that the spelling and grammar in the submission was as equally heinous as their logic, I’ll break this down nice and simple:
1. BUY A DICTIONARY. “Witch” does not equal “which.” You work at “Slayter”, not “Slater”-- it says so on the building. You send a “fax” electronically, but I think you meant to use “facts”, although your argument was so clouded I could be mistaken. I could go on, but even as an English major I would have taken no offense to these errors, had your arguments themselves not been so misguided.
2. I am willing to admit that MANY, if not MOST students are off spending MOST, if not ALL of their money on beer and getting drunk. However, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL STUDENTS, AND TO ASSUME SO IS OFFENSIVE. I am not alone in saying that I pay for part of my tuition, as well as hold a second job in order to provide myself with spending money that doesn’t come from my parents. (So yes, I have a “real job”, as you called it.) And guess what? I spend that money on food. Even food at SLAYTER. Even more appalling is that I don’t party every weekend. Shocking, I know. And I can, without a doubt, attest to knowing dozens of other students with the same lifestyle.
Can I also add that if I were your employer, and observed you writing in a student-run newsletter, accusing students of “masturbating to pin-ups of girls in slutty outfits”, that I would probably have you fired immediately for your disgusting lack of professionalism? Please don’t damage the image of the Slayter employees who ARE kind, friendly, and above all, value their jobs.
3. I will admit that parts of Ben Leatherman’s argument could be construed as offensive. I can understand how the idea of hiring executive chefs could not only be considered insulting, but very expensive. However, your logic is flawed. You said that “parents would have to pay over 125,000.00 dollars in tuition.” Assuming that the increase is going toward the dining hall, we are assuming that the cost of tuition would increase by 80,000.00 per student, meaning the school would receive an extra $160,000,000.00. Just for Slayter’s dining staff. Does that sound right to you?
Anyway, those were my biggest problems with your argument. As I see it, you needed to get YOUR facts straight about the student body before you start making gross judgments about the kind of people we are. I assure you that you probably know as much about our personal lives as we know about yours, and I can speak for myself and many others in saying that we’ve shown nothing but respect for Slayter and its staff. As much as I have always, and wish to continue to put my support behind the Slayter staff, your response to Ben Leatherman will do nothing but to widen the gap between Slayter employees and the student body.
Bravo.
-Kara Lemarie
#8889
I am writing in response to the recent submissions concerning Sodexo and the ongoing debate on dining choices and options at Slayter.
As one of many students who go to this school thanks to scholarships, and who is wary of where my money goes in terms of the meal plan, I can surely speak for others and say that this issue is of immediate concern to me.
Although I don’t necessarily back Ben Leatherman in terms of his outlook on DCGA, or his communist-geared suggestions on how to improve the dining situation (although humorous), I did appreciate his recognition of the fact that several other universities offer dining options that are 24-7, and the fact that prices are all the more reasonable. I also appreciate his research in finding out that our situation is not necessarily the fault of Sodexo.
This is where I get brutally honest. I was APPALLED by the response submitted by an unnamed “Sedexo” staff member, who actually spelled “S-o-d-e-x-o” with the incorrect spelling. I was more appalled, however, by their blatantly ignorant assumptions about the Denison student body.
Judging by the fact that the spelling and grammar in the submission was as equally heinous as their logic, I’ll break this down nice and simple:
1. BUY A DICTIONARY. “Witch” does not equal “which.” You work at “Slayter”, not “Slater”-- it says so on the building. You send a “fax” electronically, but I think you meant to use “facts”, although your argument was so clouded I could be mistaken. I could go on, but even as an English major I would have taken no offense to these errors, had your arguments themselves not been so misguided.
2. I am willing to admit that MANY, if not MOST students are off spending MOST, if not ALL of their money on beer and getting drunk. However, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL STUDENTS, AND TO ASSUME SO IS OFFENSIVE. I am not alone in saying that I pay for part of my tuition, as well as hold a second job in order to provide myself with spending money that doesn’t come from my parents. (So yes, I have a “real job”, as you called it.) And guess what? I spend that money on food. Even food at SLAYTER. Even more appalling is that I don’t party every weekend. Shocking, I know. And I can, without a doubt, attest to knowing dozens of other students with the same lifestyle.
Can I also add that if I were your employer, and observed you writing in a student-run newsletter, accusing students of “masturbating to pin-ups of girls in slutty outfits”, that I would probably have you fired immediately for your disgusting lack of professionalism? Please don’t damage the image of the Slayter employees who ARE kind, friendly, and above all, value their jobs.
3. I will admit that parts of Ben Leatherman’s argument could be construed as offensive. I can understand how the idea of hiring executive chefs could not only be considered insulting, but very expensive. However, your logic is flawed. You said that “parents would have to pay over 125,000.00 dollars in tuition.” Assuming that the increase is going toward the dining hall, we are assuming that the cost of tuition would increase by 80,000.00 per student, meaning the school would receive an extra $160,000,000.00. Just for Slayter’s dining staff. Does that sound right to you?
Anyway, those were my biggest problems with your argument. As I see it, you needed to get YOUR facts straight about the student body before you start making gross judgments about the kind of people we are. I assure you that you probably know as much about our personal lives as we know about yours, and I can speak for myself and many others in saying that we’ve shown nothing but respect for Slayter and its staff. As much as I have always, and wish to continue to put my support behind the Slayter staff, your response to Ben Leatherman will do nothing but to widen the gap between Slayter employees and the student body.
Bravo.
-Kara Lemarie
#8889
Bulls Make Mistakes All the Time. Red is Good.
Dear Bullsheet,
Thank you for endorsing “all” of the candidates in the Thursday publication in such a mature fashion. It was so nice to see “everyone” represented. I really appreciated being able to see “all” of their platforms in one place. Because of your article, I was able to pick the best candidate for DCGA President and Vice President when I went to mydenison. The only weird thing is that when I went to vote, Sibylle was listed as a candidate but she wasn’t even mentioned in that segment of yours. That’s weird. I guess your definition of all is different than mine. I do hope that our definition of rude is similar.
-Becky Tyson
Thank you for endorsing “all” of the candidates in the Thursday publication in such a mature fashion. It was so nice to see “everyone” represented. I really appreciated being able to see “all” of their platforms in one place. Because of your article, I was able to pick the best candidate for DCGA President and Vice President when I went to mydenison. The only weird thing is that when I went to vote, Sibylle was listed as a candidate but she wasn’t even mentioned in that segment of yours. That’s weird. I guess your definition of all is different than mine. I do hope that our definition of rude is similar.
-Becky Tyson
Delivery Angels!
Dear Ben "no one cares that your birthday is on Monday" Leatherman,
I would like you to know that I do indeed care very much that your birthday is on Monday.
November 9th is quite possibly the greatest of all the days in the year to have a
birthday.
Sincerely,
Lia "my birthday is on Monday too. We should party" Crosby
I would like you to know that I do indeed care very much that your birthday is on Monday.
November 9th is quite possibly the greatest of all the days in the year to have a
birthday.
Sincerely,
Lia "my birthday is on Monday too. We should party" Crosby
I Like to Spell Wrods
Well i must admit that as a member of the Slater staff,I like to read the Bull Sheet everyday. But i must allso admit to getting tired of hearing the STUPID JUVINILE comments about Slater Snack Bar and the rest of Sedexo. Not to point any fingers or say any name.........BEN''I NEED A LIFE AND SOME REAL WORLD EXPERIENCE'' LEATHERMAN...You need to get your fax straight before you run your mouth.
1.The prices at Slater are not set by the management they are set by the corporate office. Then agin if students where not off spending all the money on Beer and getting drunk they might have money to eat there.
2.Also if the students where not steeling about 1,000.00 of our inventory a month the prices would probley be less.
3.And the comment about bring in some ''execetive chefs'' that would cast Sedexo and Denison University 13,900.00 dollars a day to just pay us. Witch would mean your parents would have to pay over 125,000.00 dollars in tuition.
4.Untill you have a real job and not one you get because you are a student...Real job=Where you have to pay Rent,insurence on a car the your parents did not buy or give you,electric,gas,water and anything outher than bear and pin ups of girls in slutty outfits that you masterbate to. Then talk about have us removed and have ''competent individuals'' replace us.
So now that i have said what i had to say...since every thing has allways be one sided and no one from Sedexo has come forth to put the record straight...i will sign off.
Sedexo Staff M.T.P.
1.The prices at Slater are not set by the management they are set by the corporate office. Then agin if students where not off spending all the money on Beer and getting drunk they might have money to eat there.
2.Also if the students where not steeling about 1,000.00 of our inventory a month the prices would probley be less.
3.And the comment about bring in some ''execetive chefs'' that would cast Sedexo and Denison University 13,900.00 dollars a day to just pay us. Witch would mean your parents would have to pay over 125,000.00 dollars in tuition.
4.Untill you have a real job and not one you get because you are a student...Real job=Where you have to pay Rent,insurence on a car the your parents did not buy or give you,electric,gas,water and anything outher than bear and pin ups of girls in slutty outfits that you masterbate to. Then talk about have us removed and have ''competent individuals'' replace us.
So now that i have said what i had to say...since every thing has allways be one sided and no one from Sedexo has come forth to put the record straight...i will sign off.
Sedexo Staff M.T.P.
Anger Is Good...?
Listen, something needs to be said.
First of all, to the listless members of Lower Elm, the fact that girls are dressing as “whores” for Halloween is something we all need to embrace. Maybe this freshman class wants to experience real college. Have you ever been to a Halloween at a big school? After Saturday, we feel like there is hope for the future of Denison. Quit sulking over your dried up 40 year old cunt that, lets be honest, nobody wants to see or smell. We apologize that you will never be wanted by men, and your personality is as dry and unattractive as your vagina (drink to witty comment). We are pumped that girls are partying. Your vocabulary is as impressive as your dating record. I’d want to kill myself too if my life consisted of was writing into the Bullsheet about Halloween costumes. Its fucking Halloween, assholes, take off your turtlenecks and mind your own fuckhole.
And to security. Sorry for partying? Getting off to midnight party break-ups is something we are all “irate” about. Just fuck off. Seriously. Come at 1am like you’re supposed to, even though 1am is a ridiculous rule. We are absolutely crippled by that. What? Nobody wants to drink after 1am, my grandparents drink until 1am (drink to witty comment). We are not trying to prove anything, just that Denison is a fucking boarding school. You don’t have a quota assholes, you don’t get a paycheck for writing people up and breaking up parties, and you definitely don’t get respect for calling GPD to handle a party in one dorm. Thanks for making this shit social school even shittier, fuckers.
Truth,
- Blacked Out in Lower Elm AKA 7408.
First of all, to the listless members of Lower Elm, the fact that girls are dressing as “whores” for Halloween is something we all need to embrace. Maybe this freshman class wants to experience real college. Have you ever been to a Halloween at a big school? After Saturday, we feel like there is hope for the future of Denison. Quit sulking over your dried up 40 year old cunt that, lets be honest, nobody wants to see or smell. We apologize that you will never be wanted by men, and your personality is as dry and unattractive as your vagina (drink to witty comment). We are pumped that girls are partying. Your vocabulary is as impressive as your dating record. I’d want to kill myself too if my life consisted of was writing into the Bullsheet about Halloween costumes. Its fucking Halloween, assholes, take off your turtlenecks and mind your own fuckhole.
And to security. Sorry for partying? Getting off to midnight party break-ups is something we are all “irate” about. Just fuck off. Seriously. Come at 1am like you’re supposed to, even though 1am is a ridiculous rule. We are absolutely crippled by that. What? Nobody wants to drink after 1am, my grandparents drink until 1am (drink to witty comment). We are not trying to prove anything, just that Denison is a fucking boarding school. You don’t have a quota assholes, you don’t get a paycheck for writing people up and breaking up parties, and you definitely don’t get respect for calling GPD to handle a party in one dorm. Thanks for making this shit social school even shittier, fuckers.
Truth,
- Blacked Out in Lower Elm AKA 7408.
Free Pizza
Hey Denison,
It is no secret that today's world is wildly unequal. We tend to take for granted the simple necessities of life, such as food, shelter, and access to water and education. Yet it seems as if most of us are completely unaware of the enormous amount that our fellow human beings lack access to some - if not all - of these necessities. Nearly a billion people came into the the 21st century without the ability to read a book or sign their own names. Another 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, while 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation. And almost half of the world - over three billion people - live on less than $2.50 a day. Last time I checked, you couldn't even get a PB&J from Slayter for that much money.
When academics start throwing the word 'billion' around, facts like the ones above become difficult to comprehend, so let me put this in perspective: if every single adult and child in the U.S. were illiterate, they would still only represent a third of the world's illiterate population. And the amount of people who die due to poverty every day (25,000) would wipe out a dozen colleges the size of Denison.
This naturally leads the concerned citizen to ask why these enormous inequities exist, how they can be fixed, and whether or not richer nations even have a moral obligation to help. If you want to engage in a discussion about the economic aid and international development necessary to solve some of the world's problems, I invite you to join the Roosevelt Institute this Friday for a conversation with economist Dr. Fadhel Kaboub, who will present a talk entitled "The Economics of Life with Dignity: Rethinking Economic Development" at 3:30 PM in Burton Morgan 218. Pizza will be served.
-Jason Cox
It is no secret that today's world is wildly unequal. We tend to take for granted the simple necessities of life, such as food, shelter, and access to water and education. Yet it seems as if most of us are completely unaware of the enormous amount that our fellow human beings lack access to some - if not all - of these necessities. Nearly a billion people came into the the 21st century without the ability to read a book or sign their own names. Another 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, while 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation. And almost half of the world - over three billion people - live on less than $2.50 a day. Last time I checked, you couldn't even get a PB&J from Slayter for that much money.
When academics start throwing the word 'billion' around, facts like the ones above become difficult to comprehend, so let me put this in perspective: if every single adult and child in the U.S. were illiterate, they would still only represent a third of the world's illiterate population. And the amount of people who die due to poverty every day (25,000) would wipe out a dozen colleges the size of Denison.
This naturally leads the concerned citizen to ask why these enormous inequities exist, how they can be fixed, and whether or not richer nations even have a moral obligation to help. If you want to engage in a discussion about the economic aid and international development necessary to solve some of the world's problems, I invite you to join the Roosevelt Institute this Friday for a conversation with economist Dr. Fadhel Kaboub, who will present a talk entitled "The Economics of Life with Dignity: Rethinking Economic Development" at 3:30 PM in Burton Morgan 218. Pizza will be served.
-Jason Cox
I Like the Shape
Dear Denison:
LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS
It seems that an alarming number of Denison students are either blissfully unaware of this simple truth or else remain unfazed in their determination to leave EVEN LESS to the imagination when they dress themselves in the morning.
Let me explain myself. I am by no means opposed to leggings as garments. They are wonderfully versatile articles of clothing that afford the owner a wide variety of possibilities, both fashionable and utilitarian. That said, they are meant to play a supplementary role in the overall wardrobe. For example, leggings can be worn under athletic shorts when exercising in the winter, or under a skirt on a brisk day. They can even be worn as part of a dressy ensemble if you have a formal obligation, but are concerned about low temperatures.
The only time it is acceptable to wear leggings alone (that I can think of) is when involved in some kind of dance rehearsal or performance. Exceptions can also be made for small children, who have naturally had fewer opportunities to hone their young sense of what is and is not socially acceptable.
In conclusion, the exact shape of your ass is kind of like a secret, and you probably shouldn’t be sharing it with everyone. Think of leggings as the clothing equivalent of a sidekick. Would you send Robin to fight crime without Batman? Would you send Clark to explore the Louisiana Territory without Lewis? Or tell Cheney to run the White House without Dubya? (oops). If you answered no to these two questions, don’t go to class half dressed. If you answered yes to either of them, you are clearly stubborn enough to be beyond all aid.
Nicco Pandolfi
LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS
It seems that an alarming number of Denison students are either blissfully unaware of this simple truth or else remain unfazed in their determination to leave EVEN LESS to the imagination when they dress themselves in the morning.
Let me explain myself. I am by no means opposed to leggings as garments. They are wonderfully versatile articles of clothing that afford the owner a wide variety of possibilities, both fashionable and utilitarian. That said, they are meant to play a supplementary role in the overall wardrobe. For example, leggings can be worn under athletic shorts when exercising in the winter, or under a skirt on a brisk day. They can even be worn as part of a dressy ensemble if you have a formal obligation, but are concerned about low temperatures.
The only time it is acceptable to wear leggings alone (that I can think of) is when involved in some kind of dance rehearsal or performance. Exceptions can also be made for small children, who have naturally had fewer opportunities to hone their young sense of what is and is not socially acceptable.
In conclusion, the exact shape of your ass is kind of like a secret, and you probably shouldn’t be sharing it with everyone. Think of leggings as the clothing equivalent of a sidekick. Would you send Robin to fight crime without Batman? Would you send Clark to explore the Louisiana Territory without Lewis? Or tell Cheney to run the White House without Dubya? (oops). If you answered no to these two questions, don’t go to class half dressed. If you answered yes to either of them, you are clearly stubborn enough to be beyond all aid.
Nicco Pandolfi
Siren Love
A Short List of Questions
1. Why can't we take things that are on reserve out overnight? Just because the library
closes at 2 doesn't mean I'm done. Why won't the man just let me take out the noise
canceling head phones for another 6.5 hours? I can't afford these sick head phones on my
own, and regular ear buds just don't have the same affect. I promise I'd return them. If
I didn't you could find me, you know where I live. The lack of noise canceling
head-phones lowers my GPA by leading me to be distracted by the constant Granville
sirens. Which leads me to...
2. Why does GPD use sirens all day every day? I've seen the streets of Granville at night
and they are empty. There is no need to use those sirens. Flashing lights alone at night
can suffice. Also, Granville quiet hours are at 10 pm, why can't they respect their own
ordinances? On the topic of illegality...
3. Why is it not illegal to have this much work while the campus is so beautiful? It
should also be illegal to have access to the internet while having this much work and
this little work ethic. Thats all.
Answers?
Slayter Box 8643
1. Why can't we take things that are on reserve out overnight? Just because the library
closes at 2 doesn't mean I'm done. Why won't the man just let me take out the noise
canceling head phones for another 6.5 hours? I can't afford these sick head phones on my
own, and regular ear buds just don't have the same affect. I promise I'd return them. If
I didn't you could find me, you know where I live. The lack of noise canceling
head-phones lowers my GPA by leading me to be distracted by the constant Granville
sirens. Which leads me to...
2. Why does GPD use sirens all day every day? I've seen the streets of Granville at night
and they are empty. There is no need to use those sirens. Flashing lights alone at night
can suffice. Also, Granville quiet hours are at 10 pm, why can't they respect their own
ordinances? On the topic of illegality...
3. Why is it not illegal to have this much work while the campus is so beautiful? It
should also be illegal to have access to the internet while having this much work and
this little work ethic. Thats all.
Answers?
Slayter Box 8643
BEEP BEEP
Hate of the Day:
Sirens.
WHY DOES G-VILLE PD TURN ON THE SIRENS EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY?!
Are these real emergencies, or do they just want to remind us that they're around?
I can't play loud music on south quad past 10pm, but they are allowed to roam the streets blaring those sirens. Why can't they play something I actually enjoy, like the beats of Pretty Lights, the axe of Jerry Garcia, the blues of B.B. King or the Hilltoppers singing Africa?
Maybe they should just stay home. No one told them to wake up and rage....
- Juliana Kahrs
Sirens.
WHY DOES G-VILLE PD TURN ON THE SIRENS EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY?!
Are these real emergencies, or do they just want to remind us that they're around?
I can't play loud music on south quad past 10pm, but they are allowed to roam the streets blaring those sirens. Why can't they play something I actually enjoy, like the beats of Pretty Lights, the axe of Jerry Garcia, the blues of B.B. King or the Hilltoppers singing Africa?
Maybe they should just stay home. No one told them to wake up and rage....
- Juliana Kahrs
The Dynamic Duo Is Back With More... Advice
Rob and Taylor’s guide to spending your fall break efficiently.
Friday, 10/16/09:
Throw a mis-matched theme party. (ex. Clowns and Vietnam party, Hannah Montana and Hooverville party or lasers and poetry party). Also, the only two alternating songs must be Kurtis Blow’s “The Breaks” and Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA”.
Create a POG™ drinking game… too late, we already did. Suck it nerds!
Saturday, 10/17/09:
Camp out under the stars on East Quad.
High-speed chase with either GPD or Denison Security.
Sunday, 10/18/09:
Attend Mass, regardless of religion. Then, complain to the pastor afterwards about his terrible sermon regardless of religion or quality of sermon.
Get so wasted you then think you have class on Monday and begin studying for a class that doesn’t even exist.
Monday, 10/19/09:
Wake up to an 8:30 alarm clock wondering why you set it the night before.
Celebrate National Kel day- mix vodka into a 2-liter bottle of orange soda and walk around with it like Kel used to do.
Place high-stakes bets on old Nickelodeon shows like Legends of the Hidden Temple or Slime Time Live.
Tuesday, 10/20/09:
Go to Granville Elementary School and dominate the fourth graders at tetherball.
Most importantly, study hard and get good grades.
Not.
Love,
Rob and Taylor
Friday, 10/16/09:
Throw a mis-matched theme party. (ex. Clowns and Vietnam party, Hannah Montana and Hooverville party or lasers and poetry party). Also, the only two alternating songs must be Kurtis Blow’s “The Breaks” and Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA”.
Create a POG™ drinking game… too late, we already did. Suck it nerds!
Saturday, 10/17/09:
Camp out under the stars on East Quad.
High-speed chase with either GPD or Denison Security.
Sunday, 10/18/09:
Attend Mass, regardless of religion. Then, complain to the pastor afterwards about his terrible sermon regardless of religion or quality of sermon.
Get so wasted you then think you have class on Monday and begin studying for a class that doesn’t even exist.
Monday, 10/19/09:
Wake up to an 8:30 alarm clock wondering why you set it the night before.
Celebrate National Kel day- mix vodka into a 2-liter bottle of orange soda and walk around with it like Kel used to do.
Place high-stakes bets on old Nickelodeon shows like Legends of the Hidden Temple or Slime Time Live.
Tuesday, 10/20/09:
Go to Granville Elementary School and dominate the fourth graders at tetherball.
Most importantly, study hard and get good grades.
Not.
Love,
Rob and Taylor
Creeper Deer
Hey Bullsheet,
Do you take illustrations? If so, here you go. It's about the creeper deer we have
lurking around campus.
- Becky McNeill
Do you take illustrations? If so, here you go. It's about the creeper deer we have
lurking around campus.
- Becky McNeill
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Man Discovers his Spirit Animal is a Bichon Frise by Kaitlyn Grissom
Young Man Discovers his Spirit Animal is a Bichon Frise
Area youth Stephen Waters was dismayed with the outcome of his recent attempts to connect with his Native American heritage. Waters, 19, discovered in 2005 that he is one sixteenth Cherokee on his mother’s side, and has since researched Cherokee culture in order to rediscover his roots. His friend Chris says of his journey: “Yeah, Stephen’s mom told him his great-grandpa might have been half-Indian, or maybe just had a real nice tan. The next day, he bought a tobacco pipe in the shape of a wolf.”
But Waters’ quest for knowledge didn’t stop there. He has since bought a painting of Indian chief on black velvet canvas, which he keeps on his computer desk. Waters has also been observed wearing an arrowhead on a piece of twine around his neck. His deep connection to his ancestors has even culminated in brief but violent spurts of resentment toward the Founding Fathers.
Three months ago, after graduating from high school, Waters decided that it was time to become a man- a real man, in the way his great Cherokee ancestors would have wished it. Waters’ mother, Nina, comments: “Well, wouldn’t you know, little Stevie was all set to go on this fancy-schmancy spiritual journey with this fella Chief Standing Tree, who I guess he musta met on the interweb. So I says to him, I says, ‘Okay, mister, but do realize you’ll have to go outside and camp in a tent like other boys?’”
Waters’ journey began with a flight to Virginia, where Chief Standing tree guided him through a brief meditation, and then instructed Water to journey into Zoar State forest. Waters was to find and set up camp on the hallowed burial ground, where he would spend three days without food. After much intense prayer and fasting, said Standing Tree, Water’s spirit animal would come to him in a vision. “I was willing to do whatever my wise elder asked of me”, promised Waters, “except I had a couple wheels of Baybel cheese. And I may or may not have used my mom’s card to check into a hotel for a shower. My hair was getting sooo gross.”
Waters was understandably dismayed when, at the time of his vision, a small fluffy dog wearing a little doggy sweater appeared to him. Says Waters of his spiritual experience: “Man, that Standing Tree guy must have been a hack. My spirit animal is probably more like an eagle, or maybe a dragon. I’ll get mother to hire another guide.”
-Kaitlyn Grissom
Sophomore Editor
Area youth Stephen Waters was dismayed with the outcome of his recent attempts to connect with his Native American heritage. Waters, 19, discovered in 2005 that he is one sixteenth Cherokee on his mother’s side, and has since researched Cherokee culture in order to rediscover his roots. His friend Chris says of his journey: “Yeah, Stephen’s mom told him his great-grandpa might have been half-Indian, or maybe just had a real nice tan. The next day, he bought a tobacco pipe in the shape of a wolf.”
But Waters’ quest for knowledge didn’t stop there. He has since bought a painting of Indian chief on black velvet canvas, which he keeps on his computer desk. Waters has also been observed wearing an arrowhead on a piece of twine around his neck. His deep connection to his ancestors has even culminated in brief but violent spurts of resentment toward the Founding Fathers.
Three months ago, after graduating from high school, Waters decided that it was time to become a man- a real man, in the way his great Cherokee ancestors would have wished it. Waters’ mother, Nina, comments: “Well, wouldn’t you know, little Stevie was all set to go on this fancy-schmancy spiritual journey with this fella Chief Standing Tree, who I guess he musta met on the interweb. So I says to him, I says, ‘Okay, mister, but do realize you’ll have to go outside and camp in a tent like other boys?’”
Waters’ journey began with a flight to Virginia, where Chief Standing tree guided him through a brief meditation, and then instructed Water to journey into Zoar State forest. Waters was to find and set up camp on the hallowed burial ground, where he would spend three days without food. After much intense prayer and fasting, said Standing Tree, Water’s spirit animal would come to him in a vision. “I was willing to do whatever my wise elder asked of me”, promised Waters, “except I had a couple wheels of Baybel cheese. And I may or may not have used my mom’s card to check into a hotel for a shower. My hair was getting sooo gross.”
Waters was understandably dismayed when, at the time of his vision, a small fluffy dog wearing a little doggy sweater appeared to him. Says Waters of his spiritual experience: “Man, that Standing Tree guy must have been a hack. My spirit animal is probably more like an eagle, or maybe a dragon. I’ll get mother to hire another guide.”
-Kaitlyn Grissom
Sophomore Editor
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tios for Freshmen by Rob and Taylor
Rob and Taylor’s tips for freshman
1. There are hand sanitizers all over campus- drink them like jell-o shots.
2. Never attend class.
3. Drink everyday but Tuesday. You wont have time to drink, when you’re jobless.
4. Always drink Thursdays- there’s good tv on.
5. Try to find the secret tunnel to the basement of brews.
6. Pregame all labs.
7. Pregame all classes.
8. Try to get in the Denisonian Crime Report to establish your rep.
9. Bro hard or bro home.
10. Play Sherlock Holmes: blackout and try to piece together your night through a series of clues you left behind. Make sure have an accompanying Watson who is still shit-faced drunk to ensure you’re the one who solves the mystery, not him.
11. And most importantly: If you can’t remember it, it didn’t happen. Despite what others may tell you.
Love,
Rob and Taylor
1. There are hand sanitizers all over campus- drink them like jell-o shots.
2. Never attend class.
3. Drink everyday but Tuesday. You wont have time to drink, when you’re jobless.
4. Always drink Thursdays- there’s good tv on.
5. Try to find the secret tunnel to the basement of brews.
6. Pregame all labs.
7. Pregame all classes.
8. Try to get in the Denisonian Crime Report to establish your rep.
9. Bro hard or bro home.
10. Play Sherlock Holmes: blackout and try to piece together your night through a series of clues you left behind. Make sure have an accompanying Watson who is still shit-faced drunk to ensure you’re the one who solves the mystery, not him.
11. And most importantly: If you can’t remember it, it didn’t happen. Despite what others may tell you.
Love,
Rob and Taylor
Monday, October 5, 2009
Rigged Elections in Iran by Jason Cox
Hey Denison,
Remember when Michael Jackson died? Of course you do, because everyone in the world collectively crapped their pants about the death of one of the world's biggest (and creepiest) stars.
But 12 days before Jacko's death, the world's attention was on the outcome of the Iranian presidential elections. Many experts believed that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad rigged the elections, leading hundreds of thousands of protestors to take to the streets. Violence ensued, international media were restricted, the Internet was shut down, and the Iranian police force detained 4,000, injured hundreds, and killed as many as 72 protesters and innocent bystanders.
Ultimately Ahmadinejad and the Iranian government quelled a potential people's revolution, but things are still not at ease in Iran. If you are interested in learning more about contemporary Iranian politics (and getting free pizza!), come tonight to hear Dr. Sohrab Behdad, co-author of Class and Labor in Iran: Did the Revolution Matter? speak in Burton Morgon 219 at 4:30.
(Protestors squaring off with Iranian police during a post-election protest)
-Jason Cox
Remember when Michael Jackson died? Of course you do, because everyone in the world collectively crapped their pants about the death of one of the world's biggest (and creepiest) stars.
But 12 days before Jacko's death, the world's attention was on the outcome of the Iranian presidential elections. Many experts believed that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad rigged the elections, leading hundreds of thousands of protestors to take to the streets. Violence ensued, international media were restricted, the Internet was shut down, and the Iranian police force detained 4,000, injured hundreds, and killed as many as 72 protesters and innocent bystanders.
Ultimately Ahmadinejad and the Iranian government quelled a potential people's revolution, but things are still not at ease in Iran. If you are interested in learning more about contemporary Iranian politics (and getting free pizza!), come tonight to hear Dr. Sohrab Behdad, co-author of Class and Labor in Iran: Did the Revolution Matter? speak in Burton Morgon 219 at 4:30.
(Protestors squaring off with Iranian police during a post-election protest)
-Jason Cox
Mailbag by Rob and Taylor
Rob and Taylor Mailbag: Amongst the waves of fan mail we, Rob and Taylor, have compiled the best of the best.
1. Deer Robb and Tailer,
Wii thinc yu gies arr awesum-lee funnie. Wii all-sew arr vary whornie. Wii thinc yur cuet. Wiill yu go on a dayte width uz?
<@:) Caitlin and K.K.
No. Judging by your spelling errors, which we find amazing with today’s technology, we can safely assume you’re around 7 years old. You’re unattractive and stupid.
Sawry. <@:(
2. Yo Rob and Taylor,
You forgot to mention Bod Man body fragrance and Abercrombie, which is all I ever get (and pussy).
-Chad.
An egregious error on our part, sorry about that Chad Bro-cho cinco. Keep shitting fucks!
3. Hello sir. I am exchange student at Granville High School and was wondering about American humor. I have 35-page essay on American comedy. May it please you to interview you? Thank you, I am humbled.
Yours truly,
Benjamin Washington.
Three words: no fucking way. Where are you from exactly Mr. Washington? I’ve never even heard of it. We don’t have time for your god damn high school bullshit. We have interviews lined up for Time, Country Living, Vogue Knitting International, Estylo and Jugz n’ Gunz.
4. So let me get this straight, you guys write together?
Uhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm………. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh…………….
Love,
Rob and Taylor
(Note: all people aren’t real and are figments of the author’s imagination. We in fact have zero fans.)
1. Deer Robb and Tailer,
Wii thinc yu gies arr awesum-lee funnie. Wii all-sew arr vary whornie. Wii thinc yur cuet. Wiill yu go on a dayte width uz?
<@:) Caitlin and K.K.
No. Judging by your spelling errors, which we find amazing with today’s technology, we can safely assume you’re around 7 years old. You’re unattractive and stupid.
Sawry. <@:(
2. Yo Rob and Taylor,
You forgot to mention Bod Man body fragrance and Abercrombie, which is all I ever get (and pussy).
-Chad.
An egregious error on our part, sorry about that Chad Bro-cho cinco. Keep shitting fucks!
3. Hello sir. I am exchange student at Granville High School and was wondering about American humor. I have 35-page essay on American comedy. May it please you to interview you? Thank you, I am humbled.
Yours truly,
Benjamin Washington.
Three words: no fucking way. Where are you from exactly Mr. Washington? I’ve never even heard of it. We don’t have time for your god damn high school bullshit. We have interviews lined up for Time, Country Living, Vogue Knitting International, Estylo and Jugz n’ Gunz.
4. So let me get this straight, you guys write together?
Uhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm………. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh…………….
Love,
Rob and Taylor
(Note: all people aren’t real and are figments of the author’s imagination. We in fact have zero fans.)
Turdis by Slayter Box 7318
Efficiency:
I can't say I'm too surprised that Turdis dining hall has raped this word up the butthole
and, in it's arrogant ways, has created a completely incomprehensible translation. Turdis
was surely considering its own version of efficiency when it decided to implement a new,
stricter card swipe policy. Say, god forbid, one forgets their Denison ID due to the fact
that, as a college student, there's a lot of more important shit to remember. Now say
that individual would like to eat lunch. Without a Denison ID they will be thoroughly
fucked.
In order to make it past the black gates of Turdis without an ID, one must fill out a
"DENISON UNIVERSITY Lost Card Voucher," though their card isn't really lost; it's just in
their room and they simply want to eat some shitty food during their thirty minute break
between classes so they won't be hungry for the rest of the day. It only takes one about
ten seconds to fill in the few lines of generic student information. It takes the Turdis
employee, however, between one and five minutes to successfully process this information
into their little computer and explain to the student that this mindfuckingly complicated
process has included the deactivation of their Denison ID. Ok, at least you can get some
food now.
Later, however, the true reality of efficiency slowly materializes as one realizes that
their Denison ID has literally been deactivated and that it can do nothing that it is
supposed to do: It cannot open doors, it cannot check books out, it cannot get meal
exchange (and neither can the card voucher, which renders it practically just as useless
with its sole advantage lying in its ability to access Turdis), and it cannot be
reactivated until one can walk to the Turdis west office during the few hours that the
facility is actually operating.
I guess it just doesn't make a lot of sense, and I wonder if there is any solution
slightly less fuckingly stupid. I can see no benefits of such a convoluted system. A
responsible student may never forget their ID and then there is no problem. Does Turdis
really expect so much, though? We already pay a ridiculous price for its shitty food and
the included overall lackluster experience. It's as if Turdis is punishing one with a
long process of inconveniences for forgetting their ID. Can't one simply provide their ID
number? Honestly, if the place was cooking real food that actually tasted good I could
understand their overprotective tactics, but I don't think many people have a scam in
mind when they show up without their ID. At Denison, the student ID serves many functions
and it seems fucked up that Turdis has the power to deactivate it. If we had separate
meal cards, I would have no problem with the system, but we don't. It is in no way
efficient. The minor inconvenience caused by the student's forgetfulness is in no way
proportional to the amount of time it takes for the Turdis employee to figure their shit
out. A crappy lunch is definitely not more important than all the other benefits a
Denison ID provides.
You can say I'm just bitching, but seriously, what the fuck Turdis?
7318
I can't say I'm too surprised that Turdis dining hall has raped this word up the butthole
and, in it's arrogant ways, has created a completely incomprehensible translation. Turdis
was surely considering its own version of efficiency when it decided to implement a new,
stricter card swipe policy. Say, god forbid, one forgets their Denison ID due to the fact
that, as a college student, there's a lot of more important shit to remember. Now say
that individual would like to eat lunch. Without a Denison ID they will be thoroughly
fucked.
In order to make it past the black gates of Turdis without an ID, one must fill out a
"DENISON UNIVERSITY Lost Card Voucher," though their card isn't really lost; it's just in
their room and they simply want to eat some shitty food during their thirty minute break
between classes so they won't be hungry for the rest of the day. It only takes one about
ten seconds to fill in the few lines of generic student information. It takes the Turdis
employee, however, between one and five minutes to successfully process this information
into their little computer and explain to the student that this mindfuckingly complicated
process has included the deactivation of their Denison ID. Ok, at least you can get some
food now.
Later, however, the true reality of efficiency slowly materializes as one realizes that
their Denison ID has literally been deactivated and that it can do nothing that it is
supposed to do: It cannot open doors, it cannot check books out, it cannot get meal
exchange (and neither can the card voucher, which renders it practically just as useless
with its sole advantage lying in its ability to access Turdis), and it cannot be
reactivated until one can walk to the Turdis west office during the few hours that the
facility is actually operating.
I guess it just doesn't make a lot of sense, and I wonder if there is any solution
slightly less fuckingly stupid. I can see no benefits of such a convoluted system. A
responsible student may never forget their ID and then there is no problem. Does Turdis
really expect so much, though? We already pay a ridiculous price for its shitty food and
the included overall lackluster experience. It's as if Turdis is punishing one with a
long process of inconveniences for forgetting their ID. Can't one simply provide their ID
number? Honestly, if the place was cooking real food that actually tasted good I could
understand their overprotective tactics, but I don't think many people have a scam in
mind when they show up without their ID. At Denison, the student ID serves many functions
and it seems fucked up that Turdis has the power to deactivate it. If we had separate
meal cards, I would have no problem with the system, but we don't. It is in no way
efficient. The minor inconvenience caused by the student's forgetfulness is in no way
proportional to the amount of time it takes for the Turdis employee to figure their shit
out. A crappy lunch is definitely not more important than all the other benefits a
Denison ID provides.
You can say I'm just bitching, but seriously, what the fuck Turdis?
7318
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Spice Girls Paradigm by Holly Burdorff
There has been much talk on campus about that new fraternity thing; at least, my Greek friends were talking about it the other day, and I thought I'd offer my opinion, mostly because they told me to. Also, Alex has a lot of space to fill tonight.
Anyway, the main point of concern appears to be that the creation of a new IFC fraternity will confuse everyone. I don't really understand the source of this confusion, but I think it has something to do with stereotypes: several of the fraternities are hard to differentiate (maybe? i really don't know), so why (i guess?) do they have to create a new one?
(As you can tell, I was not really listening to the conversation; I was merely throwing in unproductive statements until it was time for me to go back home to my bridge.)
As we all know, the IFC sororities at Denison are all very different. This is because, as the 90s told us, there are many, many different kinds of women - 5 whole kinds, in fact! Those five kinds are: Sporty, Scary, Posh, Baby, Ginger. I commonly refer to this as the Spice Girls Paradigm for the Acceptable Varieties of Women. The sororities at Denison represent these 5 Acceptable Varieties (i.e. Theta = Sporty Spice*).
So, to reduce confusion for the fraternities, I propose the creation of a dude paradigm. One possibility would be Pokemon (i.e. Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Fighting, Poison, Ground, Flying, Psychic, Bug, etc.). As we see, though, there are too many types of Pokemon. Power Rangers, of course, would be our next logical choice, but there are not enough kinds of Power Rangers. My favorite idea is an Aqua Teen Hunger Force paradigm, but there are not enough of them, either. (But a Meatwad-themed fraternity would be fantastic.)
Anyway, you guys can fight it out.
-Holly Burdorff
Anyway, the main point of concern appears to be that the creation of a new IFC fraternity will confuse everyone. I don't really understand the source of this confusion, but I think it has something to do with stereotypes: several of the fraternities are hard to differentiate (maybe? i really don't know), so why (i guess?) do they have to create a new one?
(As you can tell, I was not really listening to the conversation; I was merely throwing in unproductive statements until it was time for me to go back home to my bridge.)
As we all know, the IFC sororities at Denison are all very different. This is because, as the 90s told us, there are many, many different kinds of women - 5 whole kinds, in fact! Those five kinds are: Sporty, Scary, Posh, Baby, Ginger. I commonly refer to this as the Spice Girls Paradigm for the Acceptable Varieties of Women. The sororities at Denison represent these 5 Acceptable Varieties (i.e. Theta = Sporty Spice*).
So, to reduce confusion for the fraternities, I propose the creation of a dude paradigm. One possibility would be Pokemon (i.e. Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Fighting, Poison, Ground, Flying, Psychic, Bug, etc.). As we see, though, there are too many types of Pokemon. Power Rangers, of course, would be our next logical choice, but there are not enough kinds of Power Rangers. My favorite idea is an Aqua Teen Hunger Force paradigm, but there are not enough of them, either. (But a Meatwad-themed fraternity would be fantastic.)
Anyway, you guys can fight it out.
-Holly Burdorff
Saturday, October 3, 2009
when my stomach is in need i like to eat at curtis by Slayter Box 7318
when my stomach is in need i like to eat at curtis. it is a fun place. they have lots of
flavors of soda. cherry coke is my favorite thing from curtis. it's nice how they give
you a mint. sometimes i take two, but if i do i skip my mint for the next meal. i like
color coordination, and it makes me very happy that all my food is yellow-brown.
yellow-brown is probably one of my favorite colors other than brown-brown. oh yeah! and
curtis has CHEFS! the stirfry station is very yummy. it is cool to eat food from many
places such as china and italy and mexico. it probably costs a lot of money to go to such
exotic places for food. that is why i am ok with paying the price. sometimes i put french
fries on my hamburger! you are allowed to do that at curtis. i have many parental figures
there. when i am hungry i smell my shirt and it smells like curtis and that is like a
snack for the nose. CRYSTAL METH CRYSTAL METH CRYSTAL METH.
flavors of soda. cherry coke is my favorite thing from curtis. it's nice how they give
you a mint. sometimes i take two, but if i do i skip my mint for the next meal. i like
color coordination, and it makes me very happy that all my food is yellow-brown.
yellow-brown is probably one of my favorite colors other than brown-brown. oh yeah! and
curtis has CHEFS! the stirfry station is very yummy. it is cool to eat food from many
places such as china and italy and mexico. it probably costs a lot of money to go to such
exotic places for food. that is why i am ok with paying the price. sometimes i put french
fries on my hamburger! you are allowed to do that at curtis. i have many parental figures
there. when i am hungry i smell my shirt and it smells like curtis and that is like a
snack for the nose. CRYSTAL METH CRYSTAL METH CRYSTAL METH.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Headlines from the Future! by Kaitlyn Grissom
HEADLINES from the FUTURE!
Solar-Electric Cars Gain Consciousness, Destroy Chicago
Using less energy than a common household toaster
Drunkenness, Lust, and Depravity bring Apocalypse to Granville
“This Whit’s frozen custard is simply divine,” say Four Horsemen
Miller vs. Nogay Battle of Eloquence Ends in Death
Leaves American Wetlands in Ruins
150-Year Search for Quick, Easy Quiche Recipe Concludes
In retrospect, seems kind of silly after all
Bullsheet Editors Pop from behind Bush, Kick Rob and Taylor in Shins
Does not ameliorate editors’ feelings of inadequacy
-FutureKaitlyn FutureGrissom, unemployed cab driver
Solar-Electric Cars Gain Consciousness, Destroy Chicago
Using less energy than a common household toaster
Drunkenness, Lust, and Depravity bring Apocalypse to Granville
“This Whit’s frozen custard is simply divine,” say Four Horsemen
Miller vs. Nogay Battle of Eloquence Ends in Death
Leaves American Wetlands in Ruins
150-Year Search for Quick, Easy Quiche Recipe Concludes
In retrospect, seems kind of silly after all
Bullsheet Editors Pop from behind Bush, Kick Rob and Taylor in Shins
Does not ameliorate editors’ feelings of inadequacy
-FutureKaitlyn FutureGrissom, unemployed cab driver
Air Conditioning by Rob and Taylor
Preface: Instant nostalgia, read as many times as needed.
Rob: I cannot live another day without air conditioning
Taylor: Says tomorrow’s gonna be hotter.
Rob: Hotter?
Taylor: Like yesterday.
Rob: Yesterday? Yesterday you said you’d call Sears!
Taylor: *shrugs* I’ll call today!
Rob: You’ll call now.
Taylor: *smiles* I’ll call now.
-Days later-
Rob: What’s the paper say about tomorrow?
Taylor: Another scorcher!
Rob: *flips hair* Cool!
Love,
Rob and Taylor
Rob: I cannot live another day without air conditioning
Taylor: Says tomorrow’s gonna be hotter.
Rob: Hotter?
Taylor: Like yesterday.
Rob: Yesterday? Yesterday you said you’d call Sears!
Taylor: *shrugs* I’ll call today!
Rob: You’ll call now.
Taylor: *smiles* I’ll call now.
-Days later-
Rob: What’s the paper say about tomorrow?
Taylor: Another scorcher!
Rob: *flips hair* Cool!
Love,
Rob and Taylor
I Shall Pong No More by Hedgehog 7426
After being written up for playing a festive game of beer pong, I have come to more fully understand what my actions mean to those around me, myself, and my community. I cannot express enough how badly I feel that I broke the law and put others around me at risk, and I fully understand that I cannot be caught doing this type of thing again. To ensure that this type of behavior does not happen again, I will refuse to touch unholy substances and liquids to my lips, and I shall strike down upon thee who attempt to harm my community through the unlawful consumption of said unholy substances. Furthermore, I previously refused to fathom the effects beer pong on the community but I am forced to come to terms with three simple facts; 1) pong balls make a lot of noise when you shoot them into cups filled with beer, 2) loud celebrations of shots made disturb those in the community, and thus I must ensure that silence is produced forthright and without disdain for the system, and 3) alcohol is not supposed to be consumed by young people as a form of college socializing at a small private school in Ohio. In terms of my personal habits as they relate to alcohol, I understand that although I was raised European style (I am British) and although the drinking age is 18 everywhere else in the world, Americans are much less fun and I must obey the rules as long as I stay here and attend this wonderful school. State law says I must be 21, and this institution does not allow drinking in dorm rooms. I do not want to get into any kind of trouble, so I shall restrict my beer drinking to when I am in the comfort of my own home. I can assure the school and the administration that I am not the kind of student who has finally gotten to the forbidden fruit of alcohol after years of stone cold sobriety, and therefore I don’t binge drink until I puke like many other kids at this school who were brought up without ever touching the stuff. I’m educated and responsible, and I don’t need to drink because frankly I do not feel that it is anything special. Thus, with this in mind, I can easily refrain from breaking the rules again and intend to do so as long as I am at this institution. Thank you.
The Hedgehog, 7426
The Hedgehog, 7426
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Stas Nogay,You Timorous Sod by Matt Miller
Dear Stas Nogay, you timorous sod,
It is I, not you, who should be grossly offensive.....ah, offended. The implication that
my critique of the aptly-named tit-curtain dresses stemmed from sexually-motivated
aesthetics and a desire to use the verb ogle transitively is a dastardly one! And you,
sir, are a dastard--a mean, sneaky coward who suggests in a very public forum with strong
language that I oppose the new feminist revolution of anti-attractiveness. If I could
type in italics for emphasis without seeming to favor Italians, long known to be the most
ardent saboteurs of the anti-attractiveness campaign, I would.
I did not have space in my original posting to elaborate on my aims for resolving the
tit-curtain dress issue, having much more time-sensitive issues to deal with--namely,
insulting Sweden for helping Nazis. Now, however, I feel that my plan must be fully laid
out.
I propose, with a hint of modesty, that this judgment of what women wear by basic tenets
of "Hey, did you rob a Calcuttan hobo for that?" and "Did you sew that yourself on a
Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday night?" might be avoided completely by simply
requiring that all men wear a set of blinders which would limit their viewpoints to only
the space twelve inches in front of their feet. This, I feel, would wholly resolve these
incidents of critique, as it is widely known that men serve as the root of all judgment
in areas of fashion. These blinkers would allow women to wear whatever they want--even
nothing!--without being criticized by male passersby. Furthermore, they would prevent men
from any ogling whatsoever, as well as continue the overall project of the tit-curtain
dress (this being, of course, to bring the human race to a swift and orgasm-less
conclusion) without the constrictive feelings of a poncho held up by bits of elastic,
prayers, and whatever the plastic surgeon has been able to endow you with.
So let us usher in a new era, Mr Nogay--one without the visual pleasure of a curve or
even the blanch of horror at what appear to be floral shroud wrappings; an era where,
with men's harshly critical eyes in all things concerning fashion shuttered, these brave,
airy women no longer face the scorn heaped upon them for looking as though they
accidentally robbed a fabric store and weren't quite sure what to do with their goods.
And, Mr Nogay, I'm glad you mentioned my lusty man-eyes; I've been waiting ages for
someone to notice them.
Competently yours,
Matt "uhhhh......... no gay?" Miller, 8368
It is I, not you, who should be grossly offensive.....ah, offended. The implication that
my critique of the aptly-named tit-curtain dresses stemmed from sexually-motivated
aesthetics and a desire to use the verb ogle transitively is a dastardly one! And you,
sir, are a dastard--a mean, sneaky coward who suggests in a very public forum with strong
language that I oppose the new feminist revolution of anti-attractiveness. If I could
type in italics for emphasis without seeming to favor Italians, long known to be the most
ardent saboteurs of the anti-attractiveness campaign, I would.
I did not have space in my original posting to elaborate on my aims for resolving the
tit-curtain dress issue, having much more time-sensitive issues to deal with--namely,
insulting Sweden for helping Nazis. Now, however, I feel that my plan must be fully laid
out.
I propose, with a hint of modesty, that this judgment of what women wear by basic tenets
of "Hey, did you rob a Calcuttan hobo for that?" and "Did you sew that yourself on a
Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday night?" might be avoided completely by simply
requiring that all men wear a set of blinders which would limit their viewpoints to only
the space twelve inches in front of their feet. This, I feel, would wholly resolve these
incidents of critique, as it is widely known that men serve as the root of all judgment
in areas of fashion. These blinkers would allow women to wear whatever they want--even
nothing!--without being criticized by male passersby. Furthermore, they would prevent men
from any ogling whatsoever, as well as continue the overall project of the tit-curtain
dress (this being, of course, to bring the human race to a swift and orgasm-less
conclusion) without the constrictive feelings of a poncho held up by bits of elastic,
prayers, and whatever the plastic surgeon has been able to endow you with.
So let us usher in a new era, Mr Nogay--one without the visual pleasure of a curve or
even the blanch of horror at what appear to be floral shroud wrappings; an era where,
with men's harshly critical eyes in all things concerning fashion shuttered, these brave,
airy women no longer face the scorn heaped upon them for looking as though they
accidentally robbed a fabric store and weren't quite sure what to do with their goods.
And, Mr Nogay, I'm glad you mentioned my lusty man-eyes; I've been waiting ages for
someone to notice them.
Competently yours,
Matt "uhhhh......... no gay?" Miller, 8368
Yes! The Bullsheet is Back! by Christoffer Stromstedt
Yes! The Bullsheet is back! And this time it's more interesting than ever because it's
(partly) about me and my character! I love personal attacks. I love personal attacks even
more than unsubstantiated complaints. So thank you Erin Mulhern, it's good to see that
someone will carry the torch of douche-baggery into the next school year. Unfortunately
(for you, that is), I will be graduating in the spring, but with Erin still around, you
can rest assured that douche-baggery will not relent on this hill.
Matt Miller, I'm glad you clarified Kaitlyn's point about Christopher Hitchens, because
it totally escaped me. I was like huh? And then I was like what? And then I was like
oooh...? But now that you let me know what her article was really about, I feel like such
a douche for criticizing her. Please forgive me Kaitlyn, I just didn't know. As for
Sweden's involvement with the Nazis during WWII, that too had completely escaped me.
Finally my country makes sense to me.
As you can probably tell by now, even though you're probably stupid, dear reader, I have
nothing to say in this article either. Writing about something substantial or important
just isn't as appealing to me as complaining, and I'm not very good at it either. I'm
really good at complaining though. So Matt Miller, and all you other people who could not
see the purpose of my complaints last week, there really wasn't any. Except some kind of
Socratic dismissal of everybody's intelligence (because we all know, I am a lot smarter
than most of you guys). In other words, if you want substantiated arguments, write it
yourself, or please find Darrin Collins. Actually, please find Darrin Collins anyway.
I must say, however, that some of the articles these last couple of days have been very
good. So thank you Rob and Taylor, and thank you Stas. And thank you Bullsheet editors.
Without you I would not be able to complain to anyone but my small group of friends, and
even they don't listen to me most of the time.
Christoffer "reason is just another system of belief" Strömstedt
PS.
Sarcasm: good, Israel: bad. Feminism: good, Hitchens: pretty dumb. The Bullsheet: great
(please JT, don't cry), its readers: so-so. Stas Nogay: eloquent, Matt Miller: I want to
say pretentious, but he sits next to me in class so he might punch me. Substantial
arguments: necessary, complaints: unnecessary. Darrin Collins: why did you graduate?,
academic integrity: way out of hand. Contradictions: good, absolutism: bad. You: good,
me: slightly better.
(partly) about me and my character! I love personal attacks. I love personal attacks even
more than unsubstantiated complaints. So thank you Erin Mulhern, it's good to see that
someone will carry the torch of douche-baggery into the next school year. Unfortunately
(for you, that is), I will be graduating in the spring, but with Erin still around, you
can rest assured that douche-baggery will not relent on this hill.
Matt Miller, I'm glad you clarified Kaitlyn's point about Christopher Hitchens, because
it totally escaped me. I was like huh? And then I was like what? And then I was like
oooh...? But now that you let me know what her article was really about, I feel like such
a douche for criticizing her. Please forgive me Kaitlyn, I just didn't know. As for
Sweden's involvement with the Nazis during WWII, that too had completely escaped me.
Finally my country makes sense to me.
As you can probably tell by now, even though you're probably stupid, dear reader, I have
nothing to say in this article either. Writing about something substantial or important
just isn't as appealing to me as complaining, and I'm not very good at it either. I'm
really good at complaining though. So Matt Miller, and all you other people who could not
see the purpose of my complaints last week, there really wasn't any. Except some kind of
Socratic dismissal of everybody's intelligence (because we all know, I am a lot smarter
than most of you guys). In other words, if you want substantiated arguments, write it
yourself, or please find Darrin Collins. Actually, please find Darrin Collins anyway.
I must say, however, that some of the articles these last couple of days have been very
good. So thank you Rob and Taylor, and thank you Stas. And thank you Bullsheet editors.
Without you I would not be able to complain to anyone but my small group of friends, and
even they don't listen to me most of the time.
Christoffer "reason is just another system of belief" Strömstedt
PS.
Sarcasm: good, Israel: bad. Feminism: good, Hitchens: pretty dumb. The Bullsheet: great
(please JT, don't cry), its readers: so-so. Stas Nogay: eloquent, Matt Miller: I want to
say pretentious, but he sits next to me in class so he might punch me. Substantial
arguments: necessary, complaints: unnecessary. Darrin Collins: why did you graduate?,
academic integrity: way out of hand. Contradictions: good, absolutism: bad. You: good,
me: slightly better.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Worst Day Ever by Slayter Box 7318
i woke up at eight for my eight thirty. flip flops are awesome, because mansauce oozed
between the tiles of the shower. i walked to class with my fly unzipped. since it was
trayless tuesday, i could only manage to carry a drink and a plate of "stir fry." orange
mandarin chicken was an exaggeration. shitty rice plus shitty vegetables plus shitty
chicken plus shitty curtissauce. man sauce and curtis sauce.
i learned some more stuff, which allowed me to come even closer to the realization that
no matter how much i know and read i will never have a girlfriend. thought about how hot
some of the freshman girls were, but then made the sad correlation between hot girls and
brofucks. took a nap. perhaps i had dreams. at least i was blissfully unaware of the fact
that my roommate sat a fat pair of arabian goggles on my peacefully closed eyes.
went to "meal exchange." but, since curtis is yet to provide me with a real meal i call
it "shit exchange." one turd for another. paid fifteen cents for extra crackers. ten
cents for water. read thomas pynchon. decided sodexho was somehow taking control of the
world. tired of sodexho, i shit it all out. change of tense. changed of tense. until the
next day.
did some homework. watched some porn. decided to smoke some pot with my "friends." got
caught by denny the ever-vigilant security guard. i am unfamiliar with libel shit so i'm
not sure what i'm allowed to say. this story isn't actually true anyway. bitter. returned
to my room. farted on my roommate's pillow. a skunk skunked skunk skeet right outside my
window. it almost smelled like the weed i got caught smoking. just kidding, i don't smoke
good weed. tomato bath. oedipa maas.
-RL
between the tiles of the shower. i walked to class with my fly unzipped. since it was
trayless tuesday, i could only manage to carry a drink and a plate of "stir fry." orange
mandarin chicken was an exaggeration. shitty rice plus shitty vegetables plus shitty
chicken plus shitty curtissauce. man sauce and curtis sauce.
i learned some more stuff, which allowed me to come even closer to the realization that
no matter how much i know and read i will never have a girlfriend. thought about how hot
some of the freshman girls were, but then made the sad correlation between hot girls and
brofucks. took a nap. perhaps i had dreams. at least i was blissfully unaware of the fact
that my roommate sat a fat pair of arabian goggles on my peacefully closed eyes.
went to "meal exchange." but, since curtis is yet to provide me with a real meal i call
it "shit exchange." one turd for another. paid fifteen cents for extra crackers. ten
cents for water. read thomas pynchon. decided sodexho was somehow taking control of the
world. tired of sodexho, i shit it all out. change of tense. changed of tense. until the
next day.
did some homework. watched some porn. decided to smoke some pot with my "friends." got
caught by denny the ever-vigilant security guard. i am unfamiliar with libel shit so i'm
not sure what i'm allowed to say. this story isn't actually true anyway. bitter. returned
to my room. farted on my roommate's pillow. a skunk skunked skunk skeet right outside my
window. it almost smelled like the weed i got caught smoking. just kidding, i don't smoke
good weed. tomato bath. oedipa maas.
-RL
And if You're Too Busy, Find Darrin Collins by Matt Miller
Dear Christoffer,
I think Kaitlyn's point was less that her articles were boring, and more that Hitchens
was a sexist prig playing grossly on stereotypes that we, as thinking adults , etc.,
should challenge. Which isn't to say that he's not witty or funny. Just that he's a
prig.
Incidentally, he's also not very good at applying scientific method to things other
than the things he doesn't agree with. For more on that, see my previous (and as yet
unchallenged, so we'll assume it's spot on) article concerning atheism.
I'll actually throw a commendation in there for JT- at least he's trying. He took the
time to write an article about something that interested/annoyed him, filled unoccupied
space in the Bullsheet, and prompted you to write a short and not particularly
substance-filled entry . I'll get back to this in a minute.
Linus, don't worry about it. I think instituting some means of evaluation mid-semester
could certainly be useful (as do a number of professors, who use this in their classes);
however, I think having a free-for-all, complain-as-often-as-you-like set up would also
be problematic. Maybe at the 5th week and 10th week marks.
Lastly, Christoffer, to your complaint about nostalgia for a time when the Bullsheet was
interesting: then make it that way. Give it a shot. Write about something you know, or
something that bothers you (and, while your problems with the Bullsheet would qualify, I
think you might have to expand your subject net a bit). Tell us about that translation,
or living in a foreign country, or Sweden in World War II (You lot fought the Nazis tooth
and nail, right? No? Neutrality, then? But...selling iron ore to Hitler? Why, you cheeky
dogs.)
The reason the Bullsheet doesn't seem to be interesting is that we don't have people
going on about racism (yet) or creating a fraternity dedicated to refusing to perform
cunnilingus or starting shitstorms over Palestine and Israel. So do it. Pick a fight.
Ask why there are all these damn dresses on campus that look tents hanging from girls'
chests, or why Denison insists on shining those stupid spotlights on the Campus Commons
every night in addition to the lighting encircling the oval (Seriously, Denison-- why?
It wastes electricity, is ugly as sin, and it's definitely more pleasant to cross when it
doesn't look like someone just broke out of your isolation ward.), or why we're all here,
anyway. Just try to give people something to talk about, argue, fight with.
And if you're too busy to do that, go find us Darrin Collins.
Matt Miller
I think Kaitlyn's point was less that her articles were boring, and more that Hitchens
was a sexist prig playing grossly on stereotypes that we, as thinking adults , etc.,
should challenge. Which isn't to say that he's not witty or funny. Just that he's a
prig.
Incidentally, he's also not very good at applying scientific method to things other
than the things he doesn't agree with. For more on that, see my previous (and as yet
unchallenged, so we'll assume it's spot on) article concerning atheism.
I'll actually throw a commendation in there for JT- at least he's trying. He took the
time to write an article about something that interested/annoyed him, filled unoccupied
space in the Bullsheet, and prompted you to write a short and not particularly
substance-filled entry . I'll get back to this in a minute.
Linus, don't worry about it. I think instituting some means of evaluation mid-semester
could certainly be useful (as do a number of professors, who use this in their classes);
however, I think having a free-for-all, complain-as-often-as-you-like set up would also
be problematic. Maybe at the 5th week and 10th week marks.
Lastly, Christoffer, to your complaint about nostalgia for a time when the Bullsheet was
interesting: then make it that way. Give it a shot. Write about something you know, or
something that bothers you (and, while your problems with the Bullsheet would qualify, I
think you might have to expand your subject net a bit). Tell us about that translation,
or living in a foreign country, or Sweden in World War II (You lot fought the Nazis tooth
and nail, right? No? Neutrality, then? But...selling iron ore to Hitler? Why, you cheeky
dogs.)
The reason the Bullsheet doesn't seem to be interesting is that we don't have people
going on about racism (yet) or creating a fraternity dedicated to refusing to perform
cunnilingus or starting shitstorms over Palestine and Israel. So do it. Pick a fight.
Ask why there are all these damn dresses on campus that look tents hanging from girls'
chests, or why Denison insists on shining those stupid spotlights on the Campus Commons
every night in addition to the lighting encircling the oval (Seriously, Denison-- why?
It wastes electricity, is ugly as sin, and it's definitely more pleasant to cross when it
doesn't look like someone just broke out of your isolation ward.), or why we're all here,
anyway. Just try to give people something to talk about, argue, fight with.
And if you're too busy to do that, go find us Darrin Collins.
Matt Miller
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
