You Can Buy Lappys for 400? Oh.

To the library circulation desk (and those accomplished folk who proudly stand behind the
materials security system, admiring their handiwork):

I'm not sure what a Nixon-era book burglar STOP system and a $400 Toshiba laptop have in
common, but if I had to guess, I'd assume that the speed dating between the two ranks
somewhere below Cupid.com's standards. In fact, I'd place those two on Craigslist--no
pictures please.

But alas, it remains that half of the time I walk out the library, my Toshiba sets off
the BOOKKIDNAPSTOP PRO 2000, which had to have been engineered by a five-year old
tripping acid. This magnetic marvel functions always to ensure that Denison students
aren't walking out with books and CD's that have not been checked out and thus
magnetically "deactivated", nevermind the fact that it makes much more sense to insert a
given CD into any computer and rip the files, allowing one to "steal" the content without
having the worry about scratching the fucking disk. And that nobody gives enough of a
shit about books to actually steal them. But I digress. I'm really looking forward to
the next several semesters of being frisked, until the person in charge of handing me my
laptop drops it on the ground and smashes the shit out of it. Then I'll be able to check
one out from the library.


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