Tios for Freshmen by Rob and Taylor

Rob and Taylor’s tips for freshman
1. There are hand sanitizers all over campus- drink them like jell-o shots.
2. Never attend class.
3. Drink everyday but Tuesday. You wont have time to drink, when you’re jobless.
4. Always drink Thursdays- there’s good tv on.
5. Try to find the secret tunnel to the basement of brews.
6. Pregame all labs.
7. Pregame all classes.
8. Try to get in the Denisonian Crime Report to establish your rep.
9. Bro hard or bro home.
10. Play Sherlock Holmes: blackout and try to piece together your night through a series of clues you left behind. Make sure have an accompanying Watson who is still shit-faced drunk to ensure you’re the one who solves the mystery, not him.
11. And most importantly: If you can’t remember it, it didn’t happen. Despite what others may tell you.
Love,
Rob and Taylor