Bullsheet Submission Form by Kaitlyn Grissom

BULLSHEET SUBMISSION FORM

BODY FORMAT A:

Dear Denison Community,

I have noticed_______________________________________. What the fuck, Denison. I pay forty-five thousand dollars a year to go here, and this is what I get. Maybe if the (faculty / staff / administration) weren’t so busy _____________________________________________________, they would finally get there shit together and fix the ______________________.
And, on a completely unrelated note, fuck Sodexo. I just figure that if I restate what everyone else is already saying about Sodexo enough times, Sodexo will vanish in a puff of foul-smelling smoke. Then maybe it will be replaced by ____________________________________________.
___________________________________________________________
And also, fuck security. I hate it when I’m trying to get my fucking underage drank on, and some fucking security guard gets all up in my face, being like, all like, “Alright, kids, it’s quiet hours now,” or “Sorry but this is my job.” What a bunch of fucking pricks. Everybody knows that college was invented to allow me four years of doing whatever I want. Fuck rules. I just fucking want to fucking do the fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck



BODY FORMAT B:

Dear douchebag who wrote in yesterday,

You are such a douchebag. Maybe you should quit ___________________________________________, and get a life, like me. Obviously you have nothing to do but submit things to the Bullsheet.


PLEASE CIRCLE A CLOSING ADDRESS: sincerely / fuck you / peace / other___________

PLEASE CHECK NEXT TO PREFERRED SIGNATURE:
__ I prefer to use my real name. ____________________________
__ I have a good reason to submit anonymously, such as:
__ having witnessed a crime
__ having been the victim of sexual assault
__ having received previous threats of violence
__ I have none of the above reasons for not putting my name on my submission, but I’m going to anyway.

Thank you for filling out our submission form! The Bullsheet staff appreciates your contribution.

Form drafted by Kaitlyn Grissom, Sophomore Editor, and Duchess Sam Driver, Duchess / Guest Editor