“The very word "secrecy" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings. We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it. Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security (Bush much?) will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment. That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it’s in my control. And no official of my Administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.”
John F. Kennedy, April 27, 1961
But then they killed him. Every president since then has been decided not by the vote of the people, but by the men who really rule this country. Men like Rockefeller, Kissinger, Bush (both of em). Major military, oil companies, banks (including the Federal Reserve), utilities (including nuclear power), and national media (broadcast and print) are controlled by corrupt men who all work together in secret to move the state of our nation and the world in their intended direction. The office of the presidency is merely their puppet, their spokesperson.
Do some research on Bohemian Grove; Most of the most powerful men in the world gather at “summer camp” every year. While there, they all dress in klan style robes and participate in the “Cremation of Care” ceremony, in which they offer a mock sacrifice, burning a man in effigy to the ancient Babylonian owl god, Molech. This information is just to compliment my point that these powers work together to set social and cultural advancement according to their vision.
This election is just as much of a fraud as the last two, no matter who wins. You must be a little slow if you believe that this nation is divided in half in values, opinions, and more specifically, who we’re voting for. If the vote was held according to the voice of the people, Obama would nothing short of crush McCain. There’s no question about it. Polls telling us that it’s close are completely false, intended to perpetuate a polarization of the people that distracts us from the reality of what the powers are doing to us. Seriously, it doesn’t matter who wins, the outcome will be the same as we descend into chaos with World War III and a complete economic meltdown.
Here’s an economic quick fix. Federally legalize and control marijuana. Instantaneously, a massively successful industry is born. How many billions are made on Tobacco each year the US alone? I can’t find the figure, but in 1999, China brought in 64.5 billion dollars, and India made 47 billion. A marijuana industry would easily match the tobacco industry, if not blow it out of the water in profits…not to mention food sales would skyrocket. Alcohol is a far more dangerous drug…but it’s a natural way to kill off a good portion of the population. Name one danger of marijuana to society… not to mention, anyone that wants it manages to get it anyhow. BUT, it’s not going to happen, most likely because it would naturally produce an age of love and understanding. That’s not what they want though. It’ll never be an option on the table because society has been deceived into thinking a God-give herb is dangerous, criminalizing good people. My uncle is the most brilliant, wise man I’ve ever encountered, but he can’t get a job or even vote because he got caught with some weed. Actually, he started the first Political Action Committee in the entire country against the Patriot Act. As much support as he had, many went to his record to discredit him. (The CIA actually came into his little café in a small coastal town and stole the petition right off his counter) Besides the point… logic and commonsense have little place in our policies.
There were a million and one things they could have done to prevent this economic crisis. There are things they could do to bring us out of it. But no; instead they carefully crafted it to all go to shit right in the heat of this “historic” election. Honestly, I hope the election happens, but I wouldn’t be surprised if, say, a nuke went off in Atlanta this Sunday, a catastrophe easy enough to carry out, and would start a world wide panic, canceling Tuesday’s election. Human life is nothing to them. The people that they sacrifice are nothing but the people who take up their resources. They killed hundreds upon hundreds of people on September 11th , all to set up the most miserable fucking 8 years of deceitful manipulation of law. Why would G.W Bitchtits change all these laws to allow him to enforce martial law during a state of emergency, and even hold his seat as president through an emergency, if he didn’t intend to put his new policy to good (or evil, rather) use?
People say to me, then vote for Barack Obama, because he’s for Change. Change you can believe in. Believing in Barack Obama’s change is comparable to believing in Santa Clause. I expect he’ll end up president, but the changes that are happening won’t be anything like what we expect from his enticing tongue. That’s what Joe Biden meant when he got up last week and said “we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis…And he's gonna have to make some really tough - I don't know what the decision's gonna be, but I promise you it will occur. And he's gonna need help. And the kind of help he's gonna need is, he's gonna need you, not financially to help him, we're gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it's not gonna be apparent initially, it's not gonna be apparent that we're right.” There are a few really important hints here as to what we’re about to face: it’s going to be huge. Generated crises are not to test “him”. They are to inflict emotion in the people to get them behind a really bad idea. (See, Sept. 11th/Iraq War). What’s more, Biden assures that we’re not going to like what they’re doing, and they are encouraging whoever they can to “influence” their community…i.e attempt to suppress resisters to radical change that is clearly wrong.
Don’t take my word for anything. Do research. I wish I had time to record the vast amounts of evidence behind what I’m explaining, but I’m a student too. The proof is all around. If you need something to jumpstart your understanding, research the architecture and layout of the city of Washington D.C. It’s fascinating, and pretty terrifying.
But do not insult people who choose not to vote. There’s nothing unpatriotic or un-American about standing up in refusal to bend over and take it.
I’m not saying we are powerless as people. We are, however, powerless as a people. If this political high that everyone is on right now is more than just a fad for you, I encourage you to carry that momentum past the election, and into the future. If we’re passionate about it, and aware of past corruption, we can do great things to end it, but only if we can rise as a generation of understanding. The only change we can accomplish comes not from a vote; it comes from the work of the individual and the way he or she affects their world. If you fall into the illusion, the American dream, then you sacrifice your ability to accomplish anything.
If there’s anything we should be demanding of the president, it is that he back the 9/11 Truth movement… of course that won’t happen, because that would uncover all of the truth. Did you know that the BBC reported the collapse of WTC Tower 7 about 20 minutes before it happened? Have you seen the once confiscated video from a hotel security camera that clearly captures the strike on the pentagon, with no plane in sight at the time of the explosion? Check it out.
For some reason, it’s easy for people to say, “so what if it’s an inside job.” That’s just apathy—because the implications of a False Flag terrorist attack are just too terrifying. I wish someone could prove me wrong, I really do. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself,” because fear of the truth stops us from pursuing it. The overarching truth is a mosaic, and I can only explain it frame by frame, but the big picture becomes clear when you have enough pieces. I really don’t mean to upset anyone, but I feel as though it would be wrong of me to not share what I know. History is the greatest indicator of where we’re heading. An intense reevaluation of our priorities, and why we have them, is evidence in of itself. But don’t put rule out conspiracy because of the negative connotations of the word.
What's wrong with the world mama? People living like aint got no mamas I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism But we still got terrorists here livin In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz the Crips and the KKK But if you only have love for your own race Then you only leave space to discriminate And to discriminate only generates hate And if you hatin you're bound to get irate Yeah madness is what you demonstrate And that's exactly how anger works and operates You gotta have love just to set it straight Take control of your mind and meditate Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying Can you practice what you preach Would you turn the other cheek? Father Father Father help us Send some guidance from above Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love? It just ain't the same all ways have changed New days are strange is the world the insane? If love and peace so strong Why are there pieces of love that don't belong Nations dropping bombs Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones With ongoing suffering As the youth die young So ask yourself is the loving really strong? So I can ask myself really what is going wrong With this world that we living in People keep on giving in Makin wrong decisions Only visions of them livin and Not respecting each other Deny thy brother The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover The truth is kept secret Swept under the rug If you never know truth Then you never know love Where's the love y'all? (I don't know) Where's the truth y'all? (I don't know)
Where's the love y'all? People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying Can practice what you preach Would you turn the other cheek? Father father father help us Send some guidance from above Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love? I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder As I'm getting older y'all people get colder Most of us only care about money makin Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction Wrong information always shown by the media Negative images is the main criteria Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema Whatever happened to the values of humanity Whatever happened to the fairness and equality Instead of spreading love, we're spreading animosity Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying Can you practice what you preach Would you turn the other cheek? Father Father Father help us Send some guidance from above Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love?
Eric Elligott
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Students Lash Back at Administration: Key Card Reform
Denison student, Hayley Sparklers began her “walk of shame” back from East quad around 1:30 a.m. Wednesday evening. After only a couple of hundred feet into her journey, she realized that her boyfriends Hanes polka dot boxers, white tee shirt, and an oversized pair of boat shoes were not keeping her warm.
When arriving back at her boyfriend’s dorm, she was upset to realize that her key card was unable access entrance to Crawford Hall. The inability to access other dorms with key cards after the hour of 1 a.m. has become a growing problem on the Denison campus.
When an unnamed Denison official was asked about the issue, he had this to say “Our key card system is designed to keep the 28% of couples on campus from having the ability to engage in inappropriate and promiscuous behavior after the hours of 1 a.m. As my mom always said, ‘nothing good happens after twelve, only pregnancies’”.
It is true that couples can let each other into their respective dorms, but what guy wants to go down two flights of stairs and leave is game of Madden 09. The answer is no guy.
“I couldn’t get back in the dorm and my boyfriend wouldn’t pick up his phone after I gave him blue balls. I honestly didn’t mean to, I just got upset when I saw his IM conversation with a Shorney girl.”
After all of her confusion, Sparklers spend the night under a bush, using an abandoned cafeteria tray as her covers. She was found the next morning by Denison’s finest, Officer Tim Thomas. Upon further examination, Sparklers had frost bite on several of her extremities.
“Her thin, white t-shirt was a dead give away. She was either very excited or very cold. I assumed the latter” commented Officer Thomas.
The seriousness of this problem has inspired an uprising among students and Denison officials are looking into ways of fixing this dilemma. Stay tuned for future updates.
Yours truly,
The token Republican
Peter Wall
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Amanda Moore,
First of all I was kinda surprised to see you mention my name in yesterday’s sheet. I signed my previous submission with nothing more than my box number and I even emailed it from a non-school address, so how you figured that one out is beyond me. Anonymity allows us to express honest opinions without fear of reprisal, and now that I know that I can’t rely upon it for Bullsheet submissions, I’m less likely to speak my mind. Maybe that’s the way you want it though, given how you consider my opinions nothing more than whining. It’s no big deal, really. It’s just somewhat underhanded.
Anyway, my solution is to vote for people who aren’t Democrats or Republicans. Obama and McCain are different in many ways, but similar where it counts. Both of them will lead us to a more collectively-minded society and amp up government interference within our daily lives. During this cycle I voted for candidates who don’t share these aims. In your mind, third party voting may seem futile, but to me it makes a hell of a lot more sense than continuing to elect two sides of the same coin.
Peace,
8957
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I Just Want Everyone To Be Happy All of the Time, and for the Bullsheet to Live On!
The Bullsheet: More like the economy than you ever realized
That’s right, I said it. The Bullsheet, like the economy, goes through cycles, periods of ups and downs, changes. The current cycle we’re going through now and have been going through since last spring is all this business with the budget. Currently, we are printing more than our budget allows because we are committed to bringing this publication to the students on a daily basis…otherwise our slogan of “Granville’s Largest Daily Publication” would be false, and we don’t like liars. We also feel it’s an important opportunity for students to voice their opinions and thoughts, no matter how big or small, it’s all important because you say it, and you read it.
This is not the first period in time that the Bullsheet has been under scrutiny and the budget has been threatened. November 3rd, 1997 Megan Kellie, Wackie Hartman, Matt Hill (any relation to Evan Hill?) and Michael Peon published a sheet straight from the underground. From that ‘sheet: “Aw yeah. The Bullsheet’s gone indy. Upon eviction from our old haunt (414 Slayter, see the Denisonian’s page 1) we have decided to go militant.” This group of people got together and printed a Bullsheet strictly of their own funds and out of the office because DCGA suspended the funding for it, changed the locks on the office and thought they prevented the Bullsheet from coming out. So they went to “the catacombs beneath Swasey Chapel” to print a ‘sheet. This is the kind of dedication to information and the student voice that I have been missing lately. The Bullsheet may not be publishing next semester because of budget funding. No one really seems to care. THAT BOTHERS ME.
We are now on the internet: dubullsheet.blogspot.com reaching alums and those who are abroad this year. Anyone who wants to read it can.
Again, March 9th, 2006 Mike Sato published a ‘sheet dealing with the Wingless Angels, specifically about something they did in Curtis… sound familiar? What I’m trying to get at here is that nothing changes, ever, things go through cycles, our economy, our global climate, the Bullsheet, campus climate. It’s hard to ever really change something because things are inherently in cycles, our bodies are in cycles, I guess that way it’s just human nature. What we try to do is to bring the student body a voice they otherwise may not have and a medium to reach a lot of ears across campus (and abroad). This is a valuable opportunity and some say we may not be taking it as seriously as we should.
So here’s what I ask of you the students, e-mail us and tell us what you want out of the Bullsheet, we are a publication for the students, so it only makes sense that we ask what you want from us. We’re still working on telepathy but the fumes around the Bullsheet’s office from our ancient computer make it a little difficult to get brainwaves out. E-mail works best. Do you want political and social discourse? Something funny to read during lunch after a hard day of classes? Somewhere to rant and vent when no one else will listen? A combination? Let us know, we want to do what is right for the student body above all else.
-Laura Masters, Junior Editor
(Also, these Bullsheets can be found in the library’s archives, yea, we’re archived.)
That’s right, I said it. The Bullsheet, like the economy, goes through cycles, periods of ups and downs, changes. The current cycle we’re going through now and have been going through since last spring is all this business with the budget. Currently, we are printing more than our budget allows because we are committed to bringing this publication to the students on a daily basis…otherwise our slogan of “Granville’s Largest Daily Publication” would be false, and we don’t like liars. We also feel it’s an important opportunity for students to voice their opinions and thoughts, no matter how big or small, it’s all important because you say it, and you read it.
This is not the first period in time that the Bullsheet has been under scrutiny and the budget has been threatened. November 3rd, 1997 Megan Kellie, Wackie Hartman, Matt Hill (any relation to Evan Hill?) and Michael Peon published a sheet straight from the underground. From that ‘sheet: “Aw yeah. The Bullsheet’s gone indy. Upon eviction from our old haunt (414 Slayter, see the Denisonian’s page 1) we have decided to go militant.” This group of people got together and printed a Bullsheet strictly of their own funds and out of the office because DCGA suspended the funding for it, changed the locks on the office and thought they prevented the Bullsheet from coming out. So they went to “the catacombs beneath Swasey Chapel” to print a ‘sheet. This is the kind of dedication to information and the student voice that I have been missing lately. The Bullsheet may not be publishing next semester because of budget funding. No one really seems to care. THAT BOTHERS ME.
We are now on the internet: dubullsheet.blogspot.com reaching alums and those who are abroad this year. Anyone who wants to read it can.
Again, March 9th, 2006 Mike Sato published a ‘sheet dealing with the Wingless Angels, specifically about something they did in Curtis… sound familiar? What I’m trying to get at here is that nothing changes, ever, things go through cycles, our economy, our global climate, the Bullsheet, campus climate. It’s hard to ever really change something because things are inherently in cycles, our bodies are in cycles, I guess that way it’s just human nature. What we try to do is to bring the student body a voice they otherwise may not have and a medium to reach a lot of ears across campus (and abroad). This is a valuable opportunity and some say we may not be taking it as seriously as we should.
So here’s what I ask of you the students, e-mail us and tell us what you want out of the Bullsheet, we are a publication for the students, so it only makes sense that we ask what you want from us. We’re still working on telepathy but the fumes around the Bullsheet’s office from our ancient computer make it a little difficult to get brainwaves out. E-mail works best. Do you want political and social discourse? Something funny to read during lunch after a hard day of classes? Somewhere to rant and vent when no one else will listen? A combination? Let us know, we want to do what is right for the student body above all else.
-Laura Masters, Junior Editor
(Also, these Bullsheets can be found in the library’s archives, yea, we’re archived.)
ANARCHY strikes again! This time, not by the Wingless Angels, surprisingly
HEY!
What do you think of the country right now? Happy with the ever-expanding role of government in your daily business? Glad to see the death of individual responsibility? Is the steady march towards collectivism appealing to you? Great, then just don't vote and ignore the whole thing, or vote for McCain or Obama and pretend you're making a difference.
A dominant red wing or blue wing doesn't matter much when they're both attached to the same bird. Whether they woo you with appeals to tradition and promises of security, or grand visions of change and social welfare bribes, those in power are concerned primarily with perpetuating their control and subjugating you, the individual, to the position of a hopeless dependent. Being swatted across the false left-right paradigm like a ping-pong ball has made us dizzy enough to believe in genuine political options, but the final goal of each major party is domination. It's just a matter of picking your poison: the police state or the nanny state, the frowny face or the smiley face with a Hitler moustache. We're bred to believe that there is such a thing as good government vs. bad government, rather than government vs. liberty. In our search for this elusive "good government" we scurry between the two parties, hoping that one can pick up where the other failed last cycle and provide us with Change We Can Believe In™. This endless process of hope built upon past failure conveniently allows those in charge to tighten alternating bolts of oppression every few years.
So surely an open-minded, free-thinking campus wouldn't allow itself to fall into this current? Rather than memorizing inspirational slogans and hanging up propaganda posters of the Glorious Leader everywhere, Denison's student body would see both John McCain and Barack Obama for the agents of control that they are, right? Or maybe we just want to be controlled. It's easier than staying informed and thinking for yourself, that's for sure.
Love,
8957
What do you think of the country right now? Happy with the ever-expanding role of government in your daily business? Glad to see the death of individual responsibility? Is the steady march towards collectivism appealing to you? Great, then just don't vote and ignore the whole thing, or vote for McCain or Obama and pretend you're making a difference.
A dominant red wing or blue wing doesn't matter much when they're both attached to the same bird. Whether they woo you with appeals to tradition and promises of security, or grand visions of change and social welfare bribes, those in power are concerned primarily with perpetuating their control and subjugating you, the individual, to the position of a hopeless dependent. Being swatted across the false left-right paradigm like a ping-pong ball has made us dizzy enough to believe in genuine political options, but the final goal of each major party is domination. It's just a matter of picking your poison: the police state or the nanny state, the frowny face or the smiley face with a Hitler moustache. We're bred to believe that there is such a thing as good government vs. bad government, rather than government vs. liberty. In our search for this elusive "good government" we scurry between the two parties, hoping that one can pick up where the other failed last cycle and provide us with Change We Can Believe In™. This endless process of hope built upon past failure conveniently allows those in charge to tighten alternating bolts of oppression every few years.
So surely an open-minded, free-thinking campus wouldn't allow itself to fall into this current? Rather than memorizing inspirational slogans and hanging up propaganda posters of the Glorious Leader everywhere, Denison's student body would see both John McCain and Barack Obama for the agents of control that they are, right? Or maybe we just want to be controlled. It's easier than staying informed and thinking for yourself, that's for sure.
Love,
8957
Homestead Cat runs for President of the United States of America
DCGA PRESIDENTIAL WRITE-IN
Dear future Denison University Constituents,
After much personal debate, I, Miles the homestead cat, have decided to run as a write-in candidate for the DCGA presidential election. While those who know me recognize me as overqualified for this position, I am dedicating all 9 on my lives to the pursuit of a better campus for all, and the correction of the most recent atrocities on campus. Many of the candidates are speaking about issues like security being overbearing and the financial committee being incompetent. I am sure you are thinking, “Hey, you are a cat, how the fuck are you going to fix this shit?” Well let me begin by saying this, I have no problem shitting in the middle of someone’s house on their rug while they watch and cry, so I have no problem doing just that on the copy of the newest security policies. Furthermore, I’ve got a message for the finance committee: piss flows down hill. Unless you want to smell like cat urine for the rest of the year, I suggest making serious reforms to your policies and procedures. For example, I don’t see any supposedly outward reaching organizations funding events that include cats. Seriously, what the fuck? All I do is love this campus and it doesn’t always love me back. When does Cat Bowling night start? I mean, I showed up at financing hearings with my best bells and collar, but I did not get a compliment similar to “Nice matching polo shirts” like SAO.
Addressing the platforms of my “competitors” Dan and Sybille, both presently serve on the finance committee, which is ironic considering it is the committee they have both stated needs to most reform. What the hell were they doing last semester instead of reforming the committee? I mean I know what I was doing, sniffing my own ass out at the Homestead. I was only doing this because I had faith that they were getting their jobs done correctly… not that I am complaining about sniffing my own ass. However, at least I stopped at sniffing; unlike the finance committee I didn’t have my head up my ass the whole semester. I know that their fancy campaign slogans and signs might be overwhelming my future constituents with words like, “accountability” and “passionate.” Accountability simply means that you can blame them for what they fuck up after they are elected. Addressing their passionate stance on issues, I will say that I will actually do something with the issues brought to me by constituents. I have been known to throw-up hairballs and leave disemboweled mice on people’s door steps when I get behind a particular issue, this is the real meaning of “passion” that we need in DCGA.
So in conclusion, vote for Miles the Homestead Cat as the write-in candidate that is M-I-L-E-S T-H-E H-O-M-E-S-T-E-A-D C-A-T.
“If you want change, vote MEOW for Miles the Homestead Cat”
- Miles the Homestead Cat -8478
Dear future Denison University Constituents,
After much personal debate, I, Miles the homestead cat, have decided to run as a write-in candidate for the DCGA presidential election. While those who know me recognize me as overqualified for this position, I am dedicating all 9 on my lives to the pursuit of a better campus for all, and the correction of the most recent atrocities on campus. Many of the candidates are speaking about issues like security being overbearing and the financial committee being incompetent. I am sure you are thinking, “Hey, you are a cat, how the fuck are you going to fix this shit?” Well let me begin by saying this, I have no problem shitting in the middle of someone’s house on their rug while they watch and cry, so I have no problem doing just that on the copy of the newest security policies. Furthermore, I’ve got a message for the finance committee: piss flows down hill. Unless you want to smell like cat urine for the rest of the year, I suggest making serious reforms to your policies and procedures. For example, I don’t see any supposedly outward reaching organizations funding events that include cats. Seriously, what the fuck? All I do is love this campus and it doesn’t always love me back. When does Cat Bowling night start? I mean, I showed up at financing hearings with my best bells and collar, but I did not get a compliment similar to “Nice matching polo shirts” like SAO.
Addressing the platforms of my “competitors” Dan and Sybille, both presently serve on the finance committee, which is ironic considering it is the committee they have both stated needs to most reform. What the hell were they doing last semester instead of reforming the committee? I mean I know what I was doing, sniffing my own ass out at the Homestead. I was only doing this because I had faith that they were getting their jobs done correctly… not that I am complaining about sniffing my own ass. However, at least I stopped at sniffing; unlike the finance committee I didn’t have my head up my ass the whole semester. I know that their fancy campaign slogans and signs might be overwhelming my future constituents with words like, “accountability” and “passionate.” Accountability simply means that you can blame them for what they fuck up after they are elected. Addressing their passionate stance on issues, I will say that I will actually do something with the issues brought to me by constituents. I have been known to throw-up hairballs and leave disemboweled mice on people’s door steps when I get behind a particular issue, this is the real meaning of “passion” that we need in DCGA.
So in conclusion, vote for Miles the Homestead Cat as the write-in candidate that is M-I-L-E-S T-H-E H-O-M-E-S-T-E-A-D C-A-T.
“If you want change, vote MEOW for Miles the Homestead Cat”
- Miles the Homestead Cat -8478
Monday, October 27, 2008
Old Age Charged with Plotting to Kill John McCain
by Nicholas Bailey
Senior Editor and Political Correspondent
DENVER, CO – Mere hours after two men were charged in a plot to kill Sen. Barack Obama, another has been charged in the plot to end the life of John McCain: Father Time.
McCain’s Over-the-Hillness was arrested late last night at a 24-hour McDonald’s, where he was drunkenly boasting of his plans to some locals. “First,” he is quoted as saying, “I’m gonna let him get elected. And then, two months down the line, when he least expects it... WHAMMO! Peacefully passes away in his sleep. Heh heh heh...”
According to a federal agent who questioned the Republican presidential nominee’s Un-Youth, “There is little to suggest that his Old Age could pull it off. Sen. McCain is not that old, in fact, and we believe that if he were to be elected president it would revive him in a way that no vitamin supplement or Viagra pill ever could.” He then added, “Then again... he’s kind of old...”
McCain was saddened and shocked to hear the news of the arrest. “It’s sad to discover that my Twilight Years are also my most devious.” The senator’s supporters can rest assured that even if McCain’s Old Timer status had never been caught, he probably would have forgotten all about his plan and settled down for a nice nap.
Senior Editor and Political Correspondent
DENVER, CO – Mere hours after two men were charged in a plot to kill Sen. Barack Obama, another has been charged in the plot to end the life of John McCain: Father Time.
McCain’s Over-the-Hillness was arrested late last night at a 24-hour McDonald’s, where he was drunkenly boasting of his plans to some locals. “First,” he is quoted as saying, “I’m gonna let him get elected. And then, two months down the line, when he least expects it... WHAMMO! Peacefully passes away in his sleep. Heh heh heh...”
According to a federal agent who questioned the Republican presidential nominee’s Un-Youth, “There is little to suggest that his Old Age could pull it off. Sen. McCain is not that old, in fact, and we believe that if he were to be elected president it would revive him in a way that no vitamin supplement or Viagra pill ever could.” He then added, “Then again... he’s kind of old...”
McCain was saddened and shocked to hear the news of the arrest. “It’s sad to discover that my Twilight Years are also my most devious.” The senator’s supporters can rest assured that even if McCain’s Old Timer status had never been caught, he probably would have forgotten all about his plan and settled down for a nice nap.
Hit a Professor with a Pie!
What’s better than watching a professor get pied in the face? Being the student who throws the pie! On Thursday, November 13th at 12:00 on Academic Quad, Habitat for Humanity will be sponsoring a Professor Pie-in-the-Face Fundraiser. All proceeds from this event will go toward Habitat’s winter break trip.
Each professor who is involved in the event will have a bucket at a table in Slayer. All students will be able to buy raffle tickets to put into whichever professor’s bucket they would want to pie. At the time of the event, one ticket from each bucket will be drawn, and that student will be able to pie that professor in the face. In front of everyone. It will be hilarious. What could be better, right?
Curious to see if your favorite (or not so favorite) professor is going to get pied? Check out the Habitat table in Slayter...oh, and don’t forget to buy your tickets! We’ll be selling tickets 10/6, 10/7 and 10/10 through 10/13.
-Habitat for Humanity-
Each professor who is involved in the event will have a bucket at a table in Slayer. All students will be able to buy raffle tickets to put into whichever professor’s bucket they would want to pie. At the time of the event, one ticket from each bucket will be drawn, and that student will be able to pie that professor in the face. In front of everyone. It will be hilarious. What could be better, right?
Curious to see if your favorite (or not so favorite) professor is going to get pied? Check out the Habitat table in Slayter...oh, and don’t forget to buy your tickets! We’ll be selling tickets 10/6, 10/7 and 10/10 through 10/13.
-Habitat for Humanity-
Voting Day Volunteers
HEY!
What do you think of the country right now? Happy with the government? Want to see it stay this way for another four years? Great, then vote for McCain or just don’t vote and ignore the whole thing.
Want a better America? Want hope for your (eventual) childrens’ future? Want sound economic policies endorsed by economists and former government officials from both parties? Vote for Obama!
Already voted? Good job! You’re reducing lines on Nov. 4. But one more vote isn’t going to win Ohio for Obama. If you want to make a big impact, if you want to be a part of one of the most exciting historical movements of our generation, then you’re going to volunteer.
Luckily for you, it’s easy. All you have to do is email moore_a or baker_l and tell us what times you’re available now until election day. We want 50 volunteers on Nov. 4 making sure everyone votes and every vote gets counted.
Here are our events for the coming week. If you can make any of these, email LaForce or me and we’ll sign you up. Or just show up and we’ll fit you into the campaign. We’ll also be canvassing on campus all week looking for more volunteers and urging students to vote early.
Wednesday - Obama Speech Watch party - 8 pm, Smith Lounge, with a volunteer appreciation party to follow Thursday - Phone banking - 7 pm, 4th floor of Slayter, and data entry - 9 pm, 4th floor of Slayter Saturday and Sunday - Canvassing in Newark - Times TBA, transportation provided.
Even if you only have a half an hour to spare between tests and friends and everything else, get involved. What will this week’s papers and parties matter in January? In four years? Email moore_a or baker_l and get involved. What else are you doing?
Thanks for your time.
Best wishes,
Amanda Moore
President, Denison Democrats
What do you think of the country right now? Happy with the government? Want to see it stay this way for another four years? Great, then vote for McCain or just don’t vote and ignore the whole thing.
Want a better America? Want hope for your (eventual) childrens’ future? Want sound economic policies endorsed by economists and former government officials from both parties? Vote for Obama!
Already voted? Good job! You’re reducing lines on Nov. 4. But one more vote isn’t going to win Ohio for Obama. If you want to make a big impact, if you want to be a part of one of the most exciting historical movements of our generation, then you’re going to volunteer.
Luckily for you, it’s easy. All you have to do is email moore_a or baker_l and tell us what times you’re available now until election day. We want 50 volunteers on Nov. 4 making sure everyone votes and every vote gets counted.
Here are our events for the coming week. If you can make any of these, email LaForce or me and we’ll sign you up. Or just show up and we’ll fit you into the campaign. We’ll also be canvassing on campus all week looking for more volunteers and urging students to vote early.
Wednesday - Obama Speech Watch party - 8 pm, Smith Lounge, with a volunteer appreciation party to follow Thursday - Phone banking - 7 pm, 4th floor of Slayter, and data entry - 9 pm, 4th floor of Slayter Saturday and Sunday - Canvassing in Newark - Times TBA, transportation provided.
Even if you only have a half an hour to spare between tests and friends and everything else, get involved. What will this week’s papers and parties matter in January? In four years? Email moore_a or baker_l and get involved. What else are you doing?
Thanks for your time.
Best wishes,
Amanda Moore
President, Denison Democrats
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Secret Ball Pit Discovered in President Knobel's Office
GRANVILLE, OH - In a shocking turn of events, a ball pit has been discovered in a secret room adjoined to President Dale T. Knobel’s office in the Doane Administration Building.
The ball pit was discovered by a member of the custodial staff during a routine cleaning of the president’s office. "I was just polishing the things on his shelves when one of them tilted forward and this panel went all like ‘WHOOSH!’ and there it was," said Denison Sanitation Engineer Phil Meehup.
The ball pit, measuring 49 square feet in area, was installed by President Knobel at some point in the last year. Rumor has it the president used funds from the tremendously successful ‘Higher Ground’ fundrasing campaign to construct the secret compartment. A further investigation into these allegations is currently under way.
The ball pit was discovered by a member of the custodial staff during a routine cleaning of the president’s office. "I was just polishing the things on his shelves when one of them tilted forward and this panel went all like ‘WHOOSH!’ and there it was," said Denison Sanitation Engineer Phil Meehup.
The ball pit, measuring 49 square feet in area, was installed by President Knobel at some point in the last year. Rumor has it the president used funds from the tremendously successful ‘Higher Ground’ fundrasing campaign to construct the secret compartment. A further investigation into these allegations is currently under way.
Amidst these rumors, Knobel stands by his decision to have the room built in the first place. "After a hard day of fixing leaky faucets and shaking hands, there’s nothing I find more relaxing than taking a dip in the pit." said Knobel, "It’s a stressful job, you know?" Knobel contends that the high stress nature of his job demands that he have some form of relaxation readily available. Others are concerned, however, that Knobel has ‘abused’ the ball pit, using it instead as a refuge/hiding place from unwanted meetings and visitors.
The Board of Trustees held a special session where they voted for immediate removal of the ball pit. President Knobel made an appearance in his own defense. In an effort to get the Board on his side, he shared his balls with them, encouraging them to "pick them up, squeeze them, roll them around in your hands. Feel the joy emanating from these balls." Despite Knobel’s emotional speech and subsequent outburst, the decision was passed and Denison Security officers were dispatched to remove the offending balls from the premises.
"You don’t even wanna know some of the stuff we found in there," said DU Security officer Mike Rokosm, "bottles, both empty and half-empty, a half-eaten sandwich, two copies of Gigli, and what appeared to be a slightly chewed deck of cards...and thats just the stuff I’m allowed tell you about."
The Board of Trustees held a special session where they voted for immediate removal of the ball pit. President Knobel made an appearance in his own defense. In an effort to get the Board on his side, he shared his balls with them, encouraging them to "pick them up, squeeze them, roll them around in your hands. Feel the joy emanating from these balls." Despite Knobel’s emotional speech and subsequent outburst, the decision was passed and Denison Security officers were dispatched to remove the offending balls from the premises.
"You don’t even wanna know some of the stuff we found in there," said DU Security officer Mike Rokosm, "bottles, both empty and half-empty, a half-eaten sandwich, two copies of Gigli, and what appeared to be a slightly chewed deck of cards...and thats just the stuff I’m allowed tell you about."
- Josh Mankoff
Senior Co-Editor
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
ACO Says Farewell
To the Denison community,
Today's Denisonian is running an article regarding the closure of the chapter of Alpha Chi Omega here at Denison, but we, the women of AXO, wanted to take this opportunity to announce this news ourselves.
On Sunday, October 12, the women of the Delta Xi chapter of Alpha Chi Omega voted unanimously to surrender our charter to the AXO National Headquarters, rather than allowing the AXO National Council to revoke our charter. The decision to close our chapter was made for many reasons, including concern for the wellbeing of the women in the chapter (particularly in regards to time and energy commitment), low membership, and whether or not our Greek experience was what a "true Greek experience" should be. We would like to make it clear that we have not been asked by Denison administration to leave for reasons involving alcohol abuse, hazing, or anything else of the sort.
Although we had hoped for the opportunity to go through formal recruitment in January to try and build our numbers back up, unfortunately, AXO Headquarters thought it would be a wiser decision to close the chapter effective at the end of this semester. As of this coming spring, the women in the chapter will be alumnae members of AXO.
We thank you in advance for your support and understanding through this very difficult time, and the period of transition that will no doubt come as we get closer to the end of the semester. Thank you to those members of the Denison community who have already offered their support, and thank you to the Denison community at large. We've had a great run, for the good and the bad, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Remember that the words sorority and fraternity have nothing to do with houses, parties, or alcohol--the true meaning of sorority is sisterhood, and the true meaning of fraternity is brotherhood. No one could ever accuse us of being typical sorority girls, but a truer sorority you will never find.
Our sisterhood is not written on a piece of paper, and it is not contained in a house. Sisterhood is in our hearts. We are Alpha Chi Omegas for now and always. We have always worn our letters proudly and we will continue to do so. But you don't need to "remember" us; we are not gone.
We hope that you will turn out to support Mr. Nice Guy, our upcoming philanthropy event, in support of domestic violence awareness. The final competition will be Thursday night at 8pm in the Roost.
The sisters of Alpha Chi Omega, Delta Xi Chapter
Today's Denisonian is running an article regarding the closure of the chapter of Alpha Chi Omega here at Denison, but we, the women of AXO, wanted to take this opportunity to announce this news ourselves.
On Sunday, October 12, the women of the Delta Xi chapter of Alpha Chi Omega voted unanimously to surrender our charter to the AXO National Headquarters, rather than allowing the AXO National Council to revoke our charter. The decision to close our chapter was made for many reasons, including concern for the wellbeing of the women in the chapter (particularly in regards to time and energy commitment), low membership, and whether or not our Greek experience was what a "true Greek experience" should be. We would like to make it clear that we have not been asked by Denison administration to leave for reasons involving alcohol abuse, hazing, or anything else of the sort.
Although we had hoped for the opportunity to go through formal recruitment in January to try and build our numbers back up, unfortunately, AXO Headquarters thought it would be a wiser decision to close the chapter effective at the end of this semester. As of this coming spring, the women in the chapter will be alumnae members of AXO.
We thank you in advance for your support and understanding through this very difficult time, and the period of transition that will no doubt come as we get closer to the end of the semester. Thank you to those members of the Denison community who have already offered their support, and thank you to the Denison community at large. We've had a great run, for the good and the bad, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Remember that the words sorority and fraternity have nothing to do with houses, parties, or alcohol--the true meaning of sorority is sisterhood, and the true meaning of fraternity is brotherhood. No one could ever accuse us of being typical sorority girls, but a truer sorority you will never find.
Our sisterhood is not written on a piece of paper, and it is not contained in a house. Sisterhood is in our hearts. We are Alpha Chi Omegas for now and always. We have always worn our letters proudly and we will continue to do so. But you don't need to "remember" us; we are not gone.
We hope that you will turn out to support Mr. Nice Guy, our upcoming philanthropy event, in support of domestic violence awareness. The final competition will be Thursday night at 8pm in the Roost.
The sisters of Alpha Chi Omega, Delta Xi Chapter
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
How Some People Spend Their Time on the Hill
I would say it was about a week ago when I was reading an article about ways to spice up one’s love life. I found the article extremely insightful and stimulating, however this question popped up in my mind. How can one spice up their love life when they are struggling to even go on dates? I give to you a list of date ideas that is sure to help you score some ass before we go home, eat turkey, and let ourselves go.
1. Pumpkin Picking. Ask a boy/girl to go pick pumpkins. Have a chat. Wrestle around in the pumpkin patch a bit and feel each other out.
2. Make a leaf pile. Be honest, who doesn’t love bright colors, crunchy leaves, and a cool fall breeze?
3. Take a girl to the couches in the basement of Smith. They are soft and have plenty of give. For those couples that move quickly, cover up the “in use” area of couch. It’s a popular spot if you catch the drift.
4. Once you have gone pumpkin picking, Carve that shit up. Make a scary face or a phallic. As long as you plant the seeds…in the ground, afterword, so that more pumpkins grow.
5. Go to the Observatory tower. Usually a popular spot so age gets priority. Bring a blanket, candles or maybe a telescope for the nerdy couples. Be sure to name a star after her. Gets’em every time.
6. Go to Curtis. Take some Ohio grown cider to go. Walk to the homestead and pound the night away- on their drums, next to a cozy fire.
7. A friendly game of squash. Get sweaty, swing hard, but always make sure to wear eye protection.
8. For those who are more dangerous, pretend you are a wingless angel, sneak into the cafeteria, but whatever you do, DO NOT PUT SHIT IN THE FOOD.
9. If you are looking for movies, I recommend Simon Birch or Beta House. Everyone enjoys a little hero or a few naked women.
10. Walk the halls of Shorney. Always a happy ending or your money back.
Peter Wall
Class of 2012
1. Pumpkin Picking. Ask a boy/girl to go pick pumpkins. Have a chat. Wrestle around in the pumpkin patch a bit and feel each other out.
2. Make a leaf pile. Be honest, who doesn’t love bright colors, crunchy leaves, and a cool fall breeze?
3. Take a girl to the couches in the basement of Smith. They are soft and have plenty of give. For those couples that move quickly, cover up the “in use” area of couch. It’s a popular spot if you catch the drift.
4. Once you have gone pumpkin picking, Carve that shit up. Make a scary face or a phallic. As long as you plant the seeds…in the ground, afterword, so that more pumpkins grow.
5. Go to the Observatory tower. Usually a popular spot so age gets priority. Bring a blanket, candles or maybe a telescope for the nerdy couples. Be sure to name a star after her. Gets’em every time.
6. Go to Curtis. Take some Ohio grown cider to go. Walk to the homestead and pound the night away- on their drums, next to a cozy fire.
7. A friendly game of squash. Get sweaty, swing hard, but always make sure to wear eye protection.
8. For those who are more dangerous, pretend you are a wingless angel, sneak into the cafeteria, but whatever you do, DO NOT PUT SHIT IN THE FOOD.
9. If you are looking for movies, I recommend Simon Birch or Beta House. Everyone enjoys a little hero or a few naked women.
10. Walk the halls of Shorney. Always a happy ending or your money back.
Peter Wall
Class of 2012
Ravings of a Lunatic
I am sincerely torn, McCain would be good for my family, but I think Obama would be better for the country as a whole, I hate choices, I'm indecisive. And, it's cool to like Obama, if I don't like Obama, I will be scorned and marginalized by my peers. I mean, I do like Obama and in all honesty will probably vote for him, but I also think McCain has a lot to offer, that is if he doesn't die and Palin is President, then we're all going to shit. What we need to understand as college students is that neither guy is the best for the job. No one that is running has been the President of the United States of America before. I try to look at it the same as parenting. My parents had no clue what they were doing, they let me carve a pumpkin by myself, with a knife, when I was four, idiots. They put my play pen next to a large potted plant that I knocked over and ate the dirt out of, they let me roll on a bed by myself, which I consquently fell off of. Clearly, I did not come with a manual, and I'm guessing our country does not either. They are as prepared as they are, they have studied, they have gone through practice rounds and have tried to get as much experience as they can, but we will not know how they will do in office until they are actually there. So really, we vote for the one we feel will do best, and hopefully whoever gets in office will live up to the expectations of the American citizens. There's a lot weighing on their shoulders, neither guy is bad, neither will allow our country to fail miserably because both of these dudes have a ton of patriotism, I think that's part of the job description. And I've found recently, that apparently it's not that cool to be proud to be an American. WHY!? Yea, there are a lot of crappy things that go on here, but we have freedom, we have a justice system (that at times is not that just, but at least we have one), we have jobs open to people, we're doing pretty good on feminist and racial issues in comparison to other countries, anyone over 18 can vote, we have mandatory public schooling paid for by our government, what a luxury in some countries. It's pretty cool to live here, I think. As a woman I received an education paid for by my government, I can vote, I can work wherever I want, I can make decisions for myself, I can press charges against someone who has illegally done something against me, I can receive confidential health help for whatever I need. Shit's pretty decent here. It just bothers me that people think it would be "cooler" or more "in" to live somewhere else.
Laura Masters, Junior Editor
Laura Masters, Junior Editor
LaForce on Obama
When I think of Barack Obama there are three words that come to mind— pragmatic, wise and charismatic. Yes, Obama is an amazing orator, in that he expresses ideas in a way that is like no other, but that is not why I used those words to describe him. I use those words to describe him because of the policies that he has proposed that just make sense if we want to get America back on track.
There are three issues that warrant the aforementioned characterizations. The fact that he was one of the earliest opponents of the Iraq War which displays his wisdom even though he is a first term senator. His pragmatism is illustrated in his healthcare reform policies in that he wants to give a $2,500 in order to offset the cost of people’s current healthcare plans. Lastly, his charisma would inspire students to accept his proposal to help with funding for college education by requiring 100 Hours of Service in return for a Opportunity Tax Credit that is worth $4,000 a year. Those are the three biggest reasons why I support Senator Obama and I hope everyone does there research, so they will know why they are casting their vote for him as well.
LaForce Baker
There are three issues that warrant the aforementioned characterizations. The fact that he was one of the earliest opponents of the Iraq War which displays his wisdom even though he is a first term senator. His pragmatism is illustrated in his healthcare reform policies in that he wants to give a $2,500 in order to offset the cost of people’s current healthcare plans. Lastly, his charisma would inspire students to accept his proposal to help with funding for college education by requiring 100 Hours of Service in return for a Opportunity Tax Credit that is worth $4,000 a year. Those are the three biggest reasons why I support Senator Obama and I hope everyone does there research, so they will know why they are casting their vote for him as well.
LaForce Baker
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wingless Angels? Also, that Brandon kid
Dear Wingless Angels,
So, I found a flyer in my room today (I’m assuming one of my roommates found it and set it down on the table or something) and read it during my breakfast this morning. In case anybody is wondering, the flyer basically states that because Curtis and Huffman have been found to have some health compliance issues (surprise, surprise), we should boycott dining hall food this Friday. They’re angry at the administration for letting Sudexo feed us crap and they aren’t going to stand for it anymore, and neither should we! At first this doesn’t seem too bad of an idea. A kind of lame idea, but whatever. Then comes the best part. The Wingless Angels don’t quite believe that anyone will have the guts to pull this boycott off. So they’re going to force the boycott. The idea is that they are going to put feces (horse, or otherwise) into the dining hall food this coming Friday and if we don’t want to eat it, we better not go to the dining halls.
So let me get this straight. You’re mad at the administration for feeding us below par food. So in retaliation, you’re going to punish the student body by giving them an ultimatum to eat either shit or nothing? I mean I guess you put in something about how upperclassmen should help out by offering their kitchens up. But why should they have to? Why should any of us have to change our routine? Because you stuck up bastards think that this is a good idea? What really pisses me off is that you act under the guise that you are the protectors and the voice of the student body. But if so, then why the fuck are you dealing with dining hall food? I think on a scale of one to ten, most of us give dining hall food a low 2 on the don’t-give-a-shit-o-meter. And now you’re forcing this onto us?
Personally, I think you’re lying. What better way to get people to go along with what you want than by lying about something like this so we have to think twice about eating at the dining halls. But then again you might be telling the truth. And this coming Friday you’re going to pull some useless stunt that’s not going to change anything except to have a lot more of the student body pissed off at you guys. I remember a few years ago when I was eating, having a quiet dinner at Curtis with my friends, when a bunch of Wingless Angels assholes burst into the dining hall, knocked tables over, pushed people, threw flour everywhere, and then left the dining hall staff to clean up the mess. What caring activists. What great representatives of the student body you are. And the reason you gave for doing this? Crappy dining hall food.
You know, there are a lot of things to get mad at the administration about. There are the rapes and sexual harassment cases that seemed to get pushed under the rug for instance. Where are you then? Do you care about that? I can tell you that the student body cares a lot more about that shit than it does about Curtis and Huffman’s crappy food. But I guess that’s why we’re talking about this isn’t it. You don’t really give a shit about the student body. You just like running around in stupid masks pushing people over, playing in your imaginary gang.
Zak Bouc
7894
I would like to comment on two things being the barmy old codger that I am.
1. upon hearing in Curtis Dining Hall, "Dude, fire has got to be the best invention ever," I shuddered. Fire is not an invention for all those who think it is, but the lighter? That’s an invention. Things will continue to burn long after we’re gone, and let’s not forget the ultimate burn when the sun envelopes the earth!
2. To whomever it was that justified the crime reports. Stop. Yes, you’re right, if somebody is assaulting people on campus then students have a right to know. But how often has that happened in your time here on the hill? How about if the crime is bad enough, there will be a story on it... does that not work? I mean it’s funny to read sometimes—I always enjoy seeing the phrase ‘marijuana cigarettes’ as though we don’t know what a ‘joint’ is, but stop. When you’re walking around campus at night do you look at that car and say, "Good Golly Miss Molly I heard about this vehicle in the Denisonian Crime Reports, the driver could be intoxicated!" and dive into the bushes? No, and if you do, then more power to you, but you could just watch and make sure every car that drives by doesn’t hit you. My point is, if we want to have a community where people can move on from these "heinous" mistakes, because they are so dangerous, should we keep bringing them up in their face or should we just let the law handle it and leave out the whole being in the proverbial stocks for a week so the campus can spit on you shenanigans?
John "Brandon McAdams" Daly
edited by Michael Vick
So, I found a flyer in my room today (I’m assuming one of my roommates found it and set it down on the table or something) and read it during my breakfast this morning. In case anybody is wondering, the flyer basically states that because Curtis and Huffman have been found to have some health compliance issues (surprise, surprise), we should boycott dining hall food this Friday. They’re angry at the administration for letting Sudexo feed us crap and they aren’t going to stand for it anymore, and neither should we! At first this doesn’t seem too bad of an idea. A kind of lame idea, but whatever. Then comes the best part. The Wingless Angels don’t quite believe that anyone will have the guts to pull this boycott off. So they’re going to force the boycott. The idea is that they are going to put feces (horse, or otherwise) into the dining hall food this coming Friday and if we don’t want to eat it, we better not go to the dining halls.
So let me get this straight. You’re mad at the administration for feeding us below par food. So in retaliation, you’re going to punish the student body by giving them an ultimatum to eat either shit or nothing? I mean I guess you put in something about how upperclassmen should help out by offering their kitchens up. But why should they have to? Why should any of us have to change our routine? Because you stuck up bastards think that this is a good idea? What really pisses me off is that you act under the guise that you are the protectors and the voice of the student body. But if so, then why the fuck are you dealing with dining hall food? I think on a scale of one to ten, most of us give dining hall food a low 2 on the don’t-give-a-shit-o-meter. And now you’re forcing this onto us?
Personally, I think you’re lying. What better way to get people to go along with what you want than by lying about something like this so we have to think twice about eating at the dining halls. But then again you might be telling the truth. And this coming Friday you’re going to pull some useless stunt that’s not going to change anything except to have a lot more of the student body pissed off at you guys. I remember a few years ago when I was eating, having a quiet dinner at Curtis with my friends, when a bunch of Wingless Angels assholes burst into the dining hall, knocked tables over, pushed people, threw flour everywhere, and then left the dining hall staff to clean up the mess. What caring activists. What great representatives of the student body you are. And the reason you gave for doing this? Crappy dining hall food.
You know, there are a lot of things to get mad at the administration about. There are the rapes and sexual harassment cases that seemed to get pushed under the rug for instance. Where are you then? Do you care about that? I can tell you that the student body cares a lot more about that shit than it does about Curtis and Huffman’s crappy food. But I guess that’s why we’re talking about this isn’t it. You don’t really give a shit about the student body. You just like running around in stupid masks pushing people over, playing in your imaginary gang.
Zak Bouc
7894
I would like to comment on two things being the barmy old codger that I am.
1. upon hearing in Curtis Dining Hall, "Dude, fire has got to be the best invention ever," I shuddered. Fire is not an invention for all those who think it is, but the lighter? That’s an invention. Things will continue to burn long after we’re gone, and let’s not forget the ultimate burn when the sun envelopes the earth!
2. To whomever it was that justified the crime reports. Stop. Yes, you’re right, if somebody is assaulting people on campus then students have a right to know. But how often has that happened in your time here on the hill? How about if the crime is bad enough, there will be a story on it... does that not work? I mean it’s funny to read sometimes—I always enjoy seeing the phrase ‘marijuana cigarettes’ as though we don’t know what a ‘joint’ is, but stop. When you’re walking around campus at night do you look at that car and say, "Good Golly Miss Molly I heard about this vehicle in the Denisonian Crime Reports, the driver could be intoxicated!" and dive into the bushes? No, and if you do, then more power to you, but you could just watch and make sure every car that drives by doesn’t hit you. My point is, if we want to have a community where people can move on from these "heinous" mistakes, because they are so dangerous, should we keep bringing them up in their face or should we just let the law handle it and leave out the whole being in the proverbial stocks for a week so the campus can spit on you shenanigans?
John "Brandon McAdams" Daly
edited by Michael Vick
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Student Posts
“If this were a dictatorship this would be a heckuva lot easier… just so long as I’m the dictator”
-That Guy We Didn’t Impeach
I was intrigued by Skye’s submission yesterday. Especially the line, “I am voting for Barack Obama, but I know that I should be voting Nader.” Also, “…the fact that Nader is on 45 state ballots and was still restricted from the debates…” Some might call this pessimistic, but I have come to a conclusion that the best way to make “my voice heard” in this election is to abstain from voting. There are other candidates that are speaking out against the vast and pervasive corruption in our government today, and they have been censored out of mainstream eye. It is a fact that the major networks censored Ron Paul out of the election, look it up. Ron Paul’s not a Republican; he only joined the party to get mainstream exposure on networks, and that didn’t even work. Massive voter fraud aside, through the Electoral College, our government ensures that our vote will not count…the only way they can get us to vote is to continually scream in our faces through peppy ad campaigns and activism that it’s important, and our duty to vote. Here we are at a fork in the road, choosing the lesser of two evils because they have control of the masses through media. It’s a harsh reality that goes against everything we think we stand for... some people agree, but refuse to vote outside the Dem/GOP binary (just for you Brandon. Good talkin with ya) “don’t want to waste their vote.” I feel naïve and apathetic when I look at it that way. Some say these views are disloyal to our country. But the direction our country is moving in is the true disloyalty to our country, and both parties are full speed ahead to World War III and radical destruction our rights and freedoms as Americans. There’s so much on the line right now. This article breaks it down in pretty simple terms:http://www.infowars.com/?p=5288 “October Surprise” has traditionally been the term to describe a news event, smear, or attack that influences the election. A few examples: Gore v. Bush…days before the election they called out Bush on a drunken driving arrest. Some can be more significant, such as the October 29th video from Bin Laden which brought the War on Terror back to issue #1, which is widely considered to be the thrust Bush needed to win the election over Kerry. Current examples are ACORN, registration fraud, Ayers, all of which have the potential to influence the vote. I believe that Ralph Nader’s accelerating media attention is an October Surprise of sorts for a last minute movement to steal votes from the Red or Blue. I think “October Surprise” will take on a whole new meaning this year. National Security Presidential Directive 51 and Homeland Security Presidential Directive-20 give George W. Bush full legal authority to DEFINE and DECLARE an emergency. During said emergency, that doesn’t end until he declares the emergency over, he is given total authority over all levels and branches of government. During such an emergency, elections and changes of the presidency are suspended.
BUSH CHANGED THESE LAWS. WHY WOULD HE IMPLEMENT SUCH OUTRAGEOUS POLICIES IF HE WASN’T PLANNING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM? I believe that our economic collapse is a vicious October Slap In the Face. The media is engaging in aggressive propaganda, reporting on murder-suicides and saying they’re likely to skyrocket over this inevitable crisis, taking advantage of the Copycat Effect in media. The more they tell us not to worry, the more the people panic. The only reason this crisis is inevitable is because Bush carefully crafted it to force our country to unravel. Whether it’s Bush, Mccain, or Obama, one of these men will then take the threads of a forgotten dream and sew it back together in a new way. There is an increasingly obvious movement toward total globalization, and we’re being lead to believe this WORLDWIDE economic crisis can only be solved with huge changes to global market and finance.
This is the beginning of the end of nations.
Cultures and Societies have always developed in the same way: Savagery àBarbarismàCivilization. Anthropological theory has long followed this model. But what comes next? Our world of science has been obsessed with discovering what came before savagery. Where did we come from, evolution, biology, etc. But I think it’s important to balance the equation: àSavegeryàBarbarismàCivilizationàx I was never any good at math, so I’m glad it’s not essentially necessary to discover x. My theory is that x equals world order, an ultra-civilization if you will. If you think about it, how can we progress in the way we do, while social advancement sits stagnate as civilized? The United Nations and the way wars and religion have been used to justify globalization are simply tactics to advance toward a perfect world created by the elite of the elite. Did you see Obama’s largest speech to date when he spoke to 200,000 people…in Berlin. His rhetoric is fascinating,
"Yes, there have been differences between America and Europe. No doubt, there will be differences in the future. But the burdens of global citizenship continue to bind us together. A change of leadership in Washington will not lift this burden. In this new century, Americans and Europeans alike will be required to do more — not less. Partnership and cooperation among nations is not a choice; it is the one way, the only way, to protect our common security and advance our common humanity.”
Sounds better than Bush’s method of tyrannical invasion and power siege, but the goal and the cause are similar. Agenda 21, and national committees for sustainable development postulate that the world population should not be over 500,000,000. Cool. Wait…there’s 6 BILLION people now… I’ll do the math. That’s a 93% reduction of the world’s population. Planned Parenthood won’t cut it. Sustainable development is the idea of meeting the needs of today’s population without harming the ability of the future generations to meet their own needs. Well, it’s irrefutable that we’re not meeting the needs of the future, and apparent that we’re not even meeting our own needs. This is where it gets harder to sugar-coat it: You can’t reduce a population by 93% without actively killing people. (Check out the youtube video titled Agenda 21: Sustainable development). Under the event that Bush declares a national emergency, he’s also changed the law to give him the authority to declare Martial Law. Under martial law, all our rights are suspended. They can come and take your guns and start policing your curfew bound streets, if you’re lucky. If you’re one of the unfortunate masses, they can take you to a concentration camp. These camps are built and ready to operate. MTV has already run public service announcements that help desensitize us to the idea. In one, police forces storm a subway train with guns and dogs and everyone panics. In the other, SWAT teams storm a family’s home in the night and load them into a truck. Search for the video titled “MTV Martial Law Warnings” to see them. The kind of emergency needed for the government to do these things is only a nuclear warhead or market collapse away. Remember September 11th? Those false-flag attacks were the birth of the changes he made…the next false-flag attack is when they go into effect. Sorry, that’s a lot to digest. My point is, I think I’m justified in abstaining from voting this time around… although it could very well be my last chance to vote. In the meantime, I’m gonna go can some food…
-Eric Elligott
Ps. I’d love some reasonable criticism and debate, but character assaults should be directed to my inbox @elligo_e
Hi all,I'm writing in regards to some bumper stickers that were torn of my friends car while it was parked on campus. They were stickers that took a pro-life stance and represented her belief that abortion is wrong. Being someone who disagrees with her and finds abortion to be an acceptable means of dealing with unwanted pregnancy, I think that it is important to address this issue through dialog (as well as other topics that might arise during this politically turbulent season), not cowardly actions in the night. We're at college so that we can gain an education, let's try and put it to good use and allow people who may think differently to co-exist peacefully.
-Matthew Ezzard
-That Guy We Didn’t Impeach
I was intrigued by Skye’s submission yesterday. Especially the line, “I am voting for Barack Obama, but I know that I should be voting Nader.” Also, “…the fact that Nader is on 45 state ballots and was still restricted from the debates…” Some might call this pessimistic, but I have come to a conclusion that the best way to make “my voice heard” in this election is to abstain from voting. There are other candidates that are speaking out against the vast and pervasive corruption in our government today, and they have been censored out of mainstream eye. It is a fact that the major networks censored Ron Paul out of the election, look it up. Ron Paul’s not a Republican; he only joined the party to get mainstream exposure on networks, and that didn’t even work. Massive voter fraud aside, through the Electoral College, our government ensures that our vote will not count…the only way they can get us to vote is to continually scream in our faces through peppy ad campaigns and activism that it’s important, and our duty to vote. Here we are at a fork in the road, choosing the lesser of two evils because they have control of the masses through media. It’s a harsh reality that goes against everything we think we stand for... some people agree, but refuse to vote outside the Dem/GOP binary (just for you Brandon. Good talkin with ya) “don’t want to waste their vote.” I feel naïve and apathetic when I look at it that way. Some say these views are disloyal to our country. But the direction our country is moving in is the true disloyalty to our country, and both parties are full speed ahead to World War III and radical destruction our rights and freedoms as Americans. There’s so much on the line right now. This article breaks it down in pretty simple terms:http://www.infowars.com/?p=5288 “October Surprise” has traditionally been the term to describe a news event, smear, or attack that influences the election. A few examples: Gore v. Bush…days before the election they called out Bush on a drunken driving arrest. Some can be more significant, such as the October 29th video from Bin Laden which brought the War on Terror back to issue #1, which is widely considered to be the thrust Bush needed to win the election over Kerry. Current examples are ACORN, registration fraud, Ayers, all of which have the potential to influence the vote. I believe that Ralph Nader’s accelerating media attention is an October Surprise of sorts for a last minute movement to steal votes from the Red or Blue. I think “October Surprise” will take on a whole new meaning this year. National Security Presidential Directive 51 and Homeland Security Presidential Directive-20 give George W. Bush full legal authority to DEFINE and DECLARE an emergency. During said emergency, that doesn’t end until he declares the emergency over, he is given total authority over all levels and branches of government. During such an emergency, elections and changes of the presidency are suspended.
BUSH CHANGED THESE LAWS. WHY WOULD HE IMPLEMENT SUCH OUTRAGEOUS POLICIES IF HE WASN’T PLANNING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM? I believe that our economic collapse is a vicious October Slap In the Face. The media is engaging in aggressive propaganda, reporting on murder-suicides and saying they’re likely to skyrocket over this inevitable crisis, taking advantage of the Copycat Effect in media. The more they tell us not to worry, the more the people panic. The only reason this crisis is inevitable is because Bush carefully crafted it to force our country to unravel. Whether it’s Bush, Mccain, or Obama, one of these men will then take the threads of a forgotten dream and sew it back together in a new way. There is an increasingly obvious movement toward total globalization, and we’re being lead to believe this WORLDWIDE economic crisis can only be solved with huge changes to global market and finance.
This is the beginning of the end of nations.
Cultures and Societies have always developed in the same way: Savagery àBarbarismàCivilization. Anthropological theory has long followed this model. But what comes next? Our world of science has been obsessed with discovering what came before savagery. Where did we come from, evolution, biology, etc. But I think it’s important to balance the equation: àSavegeryàBarbarismàCivilizationàx I was never any good at math, so I’m glad it’s not essentially necessary to discover x. My theory is that x equals world order, an ultra-civilization if you will. If you think about it, how can we progress in the way we do, while social advancement sits stagnate as civilized? The United Nations and the way wars and religion have been used to justify globalization are simply tactics to advance toward a perfect world created by the elite of the elite. Did you see Obama’s largest speech to date when he spoke to 200,000 people…in Berlin. His rhetoric is fascinating,
"Yes, there have been differences between America and Europe. No doubt, there will be differences in the future. But the burdens of global citizenship continue to bind us together. A change of leadership in Washington will not lift this burden. In this new century, Americans and Europeans alike will be required to do more — not less. Partnership and cooperation among nations is not a choice; it is the one way, the only way, to protect our common security and advance our common humanity.”
Sounds better than Bush’s method of tyrannical invasion and power siege, but the goal and the cause are similar. Agenda 21, and national committees for sustainable development postulate that the world population should not be over 500,000,000. Cool. Wait…there’s 6 BILLION people now… I’ll do the math. That’s a 93% reduction of the world’s population. Planned Parenthood won’t cut it. Sustainable development is the idea of meeting the needs of today’s population without harming the ability of the future generations to meet their own needs. Well, it’s irrefutable that we’re not meeting the needs of the future, and apparent that we’re not even meeting our own needs. This is where it gets harder to sugar-coat it: You can’t reduce a population by 93% without actively killing people. (Check out the youtube video titled Agenda 21: Sustainable development). Under the event that Bush declares a national emergency, he’s also changed the law to give him the authority to declare Martial Law. Under martial law, all our rights are suspended. They can come and take your guns and start policing your curfew bound streets, if you’re lucky. If you’re one of the unfortunate masses, they can take you to a concentration camp. These camps are built and ready to operate. MTV has already run public service announcements that help desensitize us to the idea. In one, police forces storm a subway train with guns and dogs and everyone panics. In the other, SWAT teams storm a family’s home in the night and load them into a truck. Search for the video titled “MTV Martial Law Warnings” to see them. The kind of emergency needed for the government to do these things is only a nuclear warhead or market collapse away. Remember September 11th? Those false-flag attacks were the birth of the changes he made…the next false-flag attack is when they go into effect. Sorry, that’s a lot to digest. My point is, I think I’m justified in abstaining from voting this time around… although it could very well be my last chance to vote. In the meantime, I’m gonna go can some food…
-Eric Elligott
Ps. I’d love some reasonable criticism and debate, but character assaults should be directed to my inbox @elligo_e
Hi all,I'm writing in regards to some bumper stickers that were torn of my friends car while it was parked on campus. They were stickers that took a pro-life stance and represented her belief that abortion is wrong. Being someone who disagrees with her and finds abortion to be an acceptable means of dealing with unwanted pregnancy, I think that it is important to address this issue through dialog (as well as other topics that might arise during this politically turbulent season), not cowardly actions in the night. We're at college so that we can gain an education, let's try and put it to good use and allow people who may think differently to co-exist peacefully.
-Matthew Ezzard
Two Chicks at Once! High Schooler Marvels at Luck, "Gift from God"
by Nicholas Bailey
Senior Editor & Farm Correspondent
CHASKA, MN – Some days are just ordinary days; others contain miracles. In what he later described as a "total gift from God," Chaska High School senior, Kevin Bartlett, experienced what few have experienced: two baby chicks hatching out of one egg. He witnessed the birth Monday during his early morning chores, which he performs every day before heading to school.
Senior Editor & Farm Correspondent
CHASKA, MN – Some days are just ordinary days; others contain miracles. In what he later described as a "total gift from God," Chaska High School senior, Kevin Bartlett, experienced what few have experienced: two baby chicks hatching out of one egg. He witnessed the birth Monday during his early morning chores, which he performs every day before heading to school.
"Yeah, sometimes it's hard to get up and do them," said Bartlett. "But I need to help out my family, we're farmers, you know, and I like it. And every once in a while you get a totally cool, freak occurrence like this."
Actually, this freak occurrence has happened to the Bartlett farm twice before, the first time being seven years ago and the second just last year. Two chicks hatching from one egg usually indicates two yolks. Typically one yolk out competes that other and only one chick is hatched, ad in many instance both die before they hatch.
Kevin realized how lucky he was. "Just once is a rarity, so the fact that we got three is really cool." He banged twins later that night.
Student Submission
Last Sunday (10/12) at 6:30pm was the 10 year anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard. He was beaten and left for dead tied to a fence post. Three days later he was taken off of life support. Over the past ten years hate crimes based on sexual orientation have increased. Currently there is no federal hate crime protection based on sexual orientation and gender identity. I ask nothing more than for us to take a moment and think of those whose lives were cut short based on nothing more than who they love or how they perceive their genders.
This Thursday at 6:30pm Outlook is showing the first half of the Laramie Project during our meeting. As always, they're open to all.
Thursday, 6:30pm, University Room.
~Lisa Schilansky, Safe Zone Coordinator
This Thursday at 6:30pm Outlook is showing the first half of the Laramie Project during our meeting. As always, they're open to all.
Thursday, 6:30pm, University Room.
~Lisa Schilansky, Safe Zone Coordinator
Student Submission
Former New York Times reporter recently wrote this forward thinking and realistic assessment of our current political predicament:
"I place no hope in Obama or the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party is a pathetic example of liberal, bourgeois impotence, hypocrisy and complacency. It has been bought off. I will vote, if only as a form of protest against our corporate state and an homage to Polanyi's brilliance, for Ralph Nader. I would like to offer hope, but it is more important to be a realist. No ethic or act of resistance is worth anything if it is not based on the real. And the real, I am afraid, does not look good."
I am voting for Barack Obama, but I know that I should be voting for Nader. I suppose it is the fluffy hope that Obama speaks of in his carefully crafted speeches... the idea that Obama could be a third party in disguise. If the fact that Nader is on 45 state ballots and was STILL restricted from the debates does not set off red flags in your mind, you must be truly blinded. But if there is not radical reform of our government, then this country is going to become a lot more pathetic... maybe even dangerous. The corruption has permeated all aspects of the legislative, executive and judicial. The empire is out of control.
Eventually there will be a call to arms to end the corporatocracy and dismantle the military industrial complex (look it up)... to restore the integrity of the Republic. The people forgot Vietnam and did not feel the Iraq War, but they will feel the next one, and when they start to suffer, they will cry out for another Ralph Nader, Mike Gravel, or Ron Paul. Till then and beyond we must take after the Founding Fathers and be skeptical of those who rule, and take action when they become incompetent.
With a glimmer of optimism,
Skye "da shizzle" Wallin
"I place no hope in Obama or the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party is a pathetic example of liberal, bourgeois impotence, hypocrisy and complacency. It has been bought off. I will vote, if only as a form of protest against our corporate state and an homage to Polanyi's brilliance, for Ralph Nader. I would like to offer hope, but it is more important to be a realist. No ethic or act of resistance is worth anything if it is not based on the real. And the real, I am afraid, does not look good."
I am voting for Barack Obama, but I know that I should be voting for Nader. I suppose it is the fluffy hope that Obama speaks of in his carefully crafted speeches... the idea that Obama could be a third party in disguise. If the fact that Nader is on 45 state ballots and was STILL restricted from the debates does not set off red flags in your mind, you must be truly blinded. But if there is not radical reform of our government, then this country is going to become a lot more pathetic... maybe even dangerous. The corruption has permeated all aspects of the legislative, executive and judicial. The empire is out of control.
Eventually there will be a call to arms to end the corporatocracy and dismantle the military industrial complex (look it up)... to restore the integrity of the Republic. The people forgot Vietnam and did not feel the Iraq War, but they will feel the next one, and when they start to suffer, they will cry out for another Ralph Nader, Mike Gravel, or Ron Paul. Till then and beyond we must take after the Founding Fathers and be skeptical of those who rule, and take action when they become incompetent.
With a glimmer of optimism,
Skye "da shizzle" Wallin
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Controversy Shmontroshmershy
I'm always amazed at how most Bullsheet controversy seems to dissipate after a few days. Someone says something of an "UH-OH!" status, another responds, double sheet, double sheet, double sheet, everyone stops talking about it. The formula is always the same. It never changes. Whatsamatta, dorks? Don't you care about anything? Apparently not! So, to get your juices flowing, I have come up with a list of controversial topics, opinions, and questions for you to discuss with your friends.
1. Competitive abortion-getting: Horrific new pastime or a woman's right to choose?
2. Republicans: a healthy mix of the wealthy and the ignorant
3. Hey, Homesteaders, I've seen that garden. It's just weeds.
4. Fish-bombing from helicopters in the Alaskan wilderness
5. Unsolicited assisted suicide in the Alaskan hospital
6. New study confirms gays can't read
7. Shampoop: Terrible idea or most terrible idea of all-time?
8. White people < Black people < Darrin Collins < Me
9. Sarah Palin: Is she a Fembot?
10. Will Barack Obama change our babies? Because they're shitting everywhere.
11. Weird Al's Pulitzer: Where is it?
12. Let us return to the time of Eden, strip off our clothes, and have sex with our children.
13. Satan: Better than God, or just more fun to hang out with?
14. Prostitution is hard. No one wants to have sex with my dog.
15. Do the Beijing Olympic medals contain lethal amounts of lead?
-Nick Bailey, Senior Editor
1. Competitive abortion-getting: Horrific new pastime or a woman's right to choose?
2. Republicans: a healthy mix of the wealthy and the ignorant
3. Hey, Homesteaders, I've seen that garden. It's just weeds.
4. Fish-bombing from helicopters in the Alaskan wilderness
5. Unsolicited assisted suicide in the Alaskan hospital
6. New study confirms gays can't read
7. Shampoop: Terrible idea or most terrible idea of all-time?
8. White people < Black people < Darrin Collins < Me
9. Sarah Palin: Is she a Fembot?
10. Will Barack Obama change our babies? Because they're shitting everywhere.
11. Weird Al's Pulitzer: Where is it?
12. Let us return to the time of Eden, strip off our clothes, and have sex with our children.
13. Satan: Better than God, or just more fun to hang out with?
14. Prostitution is hard. No one wants to have sex with my dog.
15. Do the Beijing Olympic medals contain lethal amounts of lead?
-Nick Bailey, Senior Editor
Buzzardf Claim First Child of the New Semi-Mester
Reported in full by Nicholas Bailey, Esq.
GRAN-VILLE, OH--On the eve of the 29th of September, thofe swooping rulerf of the sky came down from yonder celestial perch to pluck from the ground young Jaspar T. Fitzwilliam. Mafter Fitzwilliam was walking home from the stopping place for his motorized schooling-bus when a venue of vulture-birds attacked with the utmost wickednesf. This is the fourth time in the mighty hiftory of Gran-Ville that they have preyed upon the supple meat of a fresh and living body. He was aged two and ten yearf.
GRAN-VILLE, OH--On the eve of the 29th of September, thofe swooping rulerf of the sky came down from yonder celestial perch to pluck from the ground young Jaspar T. Fitzwilliam. Mafter Fitzwilliam was walking home from the stopping place for his motorized schooling-bus when a venue of vulture-birds attacked with the utmost wickednesf. This is the fourth time in the mighty hiftory of Gran-Ville that they have preyed upon the supple meat of a fresh and living body. He was aged two and ten yearf.
"It was dreadful," said clasfmate, Elmer Erneft Newlander. "We were discusfing our new school book-straps, and then, all at once, they had his eyes."
"Mine eyes! Mine eyes!" Fitzwilliam was reported to have ex-claimed.
The Fitzwilliamf were shaken by the tragedy, having already lost two of their
younger-personf--Emelia, aged 8, and Fortinbras, aged three fortnights--to scarlet and yellow fever, refpectively. It was an great shock to the Fitzwilliamf, who were not expecting to lose Jaspar, their eldest, until he was at least one score.
younger-personf--Emelia, aged 8, and Fortinbras, aged three fortnights--to scarlet and yellow fever, refpectively. It was an great shock to the Fitzwilliamf, who were not expecting to lose Jaspar, their eldest, until he was at least one score.
Information regarding the funeral service will be post-ed in the Bull-Sheet on the morrow.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Bullsheet Online: Coming Soon!
In response to high reader demand and budget issues, The Bullsheet has added this website to help give the students of Denison an opportunity to read the 'Sheet from anywhere at anytime. We're in the process of getting set up at the moment, but check back soon for an online version of The Bullsheet.
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