Man Discovers his Spirit Animal is a Bichon Frise by Kaitlyn Grissom

Young Man Discovers his Spirit Animal is a Bichon Frise

Area youth Stephen Waters was dismayed with the outcome of his recent attempts to connect with his Native American heritage. Waters, 19, discovered in 2005 that he is one sixteenth Cherokee on his mother’s side, and has since researched Cherokee culture in order to rediscover his roots. His friend Chris says of his journey: “Yeah, Stephen’s mom told him his great-grandpa might have been half-Indian, or maybe just had a real nice tan. The next day, he bought a tobacco pipe in the shape of a wolf.”
But Waters’ quest for knowledge didn’t stop there. He has since bought a painting of Indian chief on black velvet canvas, which he keeps on his computer desk. Waters has also been observed wearing an arrowhead on a piece of twine around his neck. His deep connection to his ancestors has even culminated in brief but violent spurts of resentment toward the Founding Fathers.
Three months ago, after graduating from high school, Waters decided that it was time to become a man- a real man, in the way his great Cherokee ancestors would have wished it. Waters’ mother, Nina, comments: “Well, wouldn’t you know, little Stevie was all set to go on this fancy-schmancy spiritual journey with this fella Chief Standing Tree, who I guess he musta met on the interweb. So I says to him, I says, ‘Okay, mister, but do realize you’ll have to go outside and camp in a tent like other boys?’”
Waters’ journey began with a flight to Virginia, where Chief Standing tree guided him through a brief meditation, and then instructed Water to journey into Zoar State forest. Waters was to find and set up camp on the hallowed burial ground, where he would spend three days without food. After much intense prayer and fasting, said Standing Tree, Water’s spirit animal would come to him in a vision. “I was willing to do whatever my wise elder asked of me”, promised Waters, “except I had a couple wheels of Baybel cheese. And I may or may not have used my mom’s card to check into a hotel for a shower. My hair was getting sooo gross.”
Waters was understandably dismayed when, at the time of his vision, a small fluffy dog wearing a little doggy sweater appeared to him. Says Waters of his spiritual experience: “Man, that Standing Tree guy must have been a hack. My spirit animal is probably more like an eagle, or maybe a dragon. I’ll get mother to hire another guide.”

-Kaitlyn Grissom
Sophomore Editor