Denison Welcomes Handicapable Student by Kaitlyn Grissom

Denison Welcomes Handicapable Prospective Student

Doane Administration was abuzz Thursday as tour guides vied for the chance to show high school senior Phoebe Myers just how accommodating Denison can be. Myers, whose early battle with cerebral palsy left her confined to a wheelchair, dazzled the Admissions staff with her district swimming records and enthusiasm for fine art and biology.
“I was so excited to show Phoebe the new wing of Cleveland Hall,” said one perky tour guide, who shoved several of his colleagues to the ground in order to get to Phoebe first, “I was sure she’d be really impressed. And she was- once she unstuck her wheelchair from the murky slush after tumbling end-over-end down the South Quad hill. What a trooper!”
Myers expressed her love of ceramics passionately as she wheeled up the sidewalk of the front entrance ramp. “It was… (pant)… a very… (pant)… a very nice… (hacking cough)…facility…I loved the…Oh, shit!” Phoebe then hit a slippery spot in the inch-thick layer of ice covering the 19-grade hill, slipped, and narrowly avoided death under the wheels of a careening semi truck by swerving into a patch of thorn bushes. Heaving herself back into her chair with bloodied arms, Myers could be heard mumbling: “How… (pant) …how in God’s name… (pant) …can they call this place ‘handicap-accessible’?... (cough)…I’m applying to fucking Kansas State.”
After stopping to catch her breath in the exact center of A-quad, on the eight square feet of level ground available on Denison’s campus, the tour guide suggested many more exciting locations.
“How about the Mitchell athletic center? It’s right at the bottom of the...the hill. Okay, maybe not. Ooh! Or we could go to Mulberry Lab, in…never mind.”
“How about the Homestead? That sounds like f-“
“Hey! You know what’s fun? The Fellows computer lab! Let’s go!”
After lunch (during which Myers was treated to Denison’s finest Sodexo catering, brought to her wrapped in a napkin at the bottom of the Curtis steps), Myers wheeled herself to Whistler Medical Center to treat that morning’s wounds. The long, uphill slope back to A-quad was a breeze for the athletic Myers, who only passed out from exhaustion/hypothermia twice during the trip. Arriving at Fellows, the tenacious prospie was duly impressed by the building’s accessibility.
“Wow,” said Myers, “A ramp. Awesome.”