Dear Bullsheet,
It has come to my attention that people at Denison enjoy social events called "grind-fests". I, too, would like to get my groove on. What is the best way to make a good impression at this weekend’s celebration?
-Sheepish in Shorney
Dear sheepish,
Honey, all you need to do to make a good impression is show up in a Forever 21 dress and leggins, drink whatever is handed to you in an unlabeled container, and do whatever you can to make your parents ashamed of you. Just remember: freshmen girls aren’t so much people as party hors d’oevres. You just keep them laying around for the guests to pick at. Have fun!
-The ‘Sheet
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