The Bullsheet

Dear Denison population,

   First let me say that as the incoming president of the Denison Democrats I’m very happy Karl Rove is coming to campus and I applaud the College Republicans for bringing in such a qualified and world-renowned figure instead of another Ann Coulter-esq shock jock.   Anybody studying campaign strategy (and not just American. The guy worked for the Swedish Moderates) decades from now will be seeing Rove’s name often and in bold print. And for good reason.  , The man perfected what Andrew Jackson started- the smear tactic- and has had one of the most successful political careers in recent memory because of it. The man is the modern day politics’ Napoleon.  But, as our good friends in the College Republicans can’t deny (government subpoenas aren’t easily forgotten, guys), Mr. Rove’s record, though incredibly impressive in a Machiavellian sense, is far from stainless.  This is not to say Democratic politics is not without figures who have partaken in morally/ethically reprehensible or illegal behavior (Chicago is sketchy, we get it). But, in good natured humor, we of the Denison Democrats wish to remind our college community of Mr. Rove’s, shall we say, more interesting moments.  Thus, I give you Call Karl.  

-       Need help outing a C.I.A. op whose husband, a member of the state department, had questioned your administrations claims regarding a Middle Eastern dictator’s supposed acquisition of African uranium?  Call Karl.

 

-       Need help defaming the military service record of opposition who had served in Vietnam by coordinating a 527 attack group based on dubious or fallacious testimony while the highlight of your candidate’s military record is favorable treatment stateside in the Texas Air National Guard?  Call Karl.

 

-       Need help convincing the American people that your candidate had nothing to do with or had any connections to above 527 when all evidence points to the contrary?  Call Karl.

 

-       Having trouble finding examples of senior White House staff guilty of conflict of interest involving personal stock holdings and policy negotiation?  Call Karl.

-       Considering playing a role in the firing of U.S. Attorneys on grounds of political allegiance?  Does refusing to submit to a subpoena, hiding under executive privilege, and being held in the Contempt of Congress sound fun?  Call Karl.

-       Looking for great examples of offensive, sometimes racist, push polls and their employment in campaigning?  Ever felt the urge to suggest that your opponent in your party’s own presidential primary had fathered an illegitimate black child?  Call Karl. 

 

 

If anyone has any questions regarding what is being alluded to or sources or wants to come up with a funny phone number for Karl, please feel to contact me at gordon_a@denison.edu. 

 

Andrew Gordon

7602        

P.S.  A Fun Fact: President Bush’s nickname for Mr. Rove was “Turdblossom”.  I’m not even kidding.  Turdblossom .