by Nicholas Bailey
Senior Editor and Political Correspondent
DENVER, CO – Mere hours after two men were charged in a plot to kill Sen. Barack Obama, another has been charged in the plot to end the life of John McCain: Father Time.
McCain’s Over-the-Hillness was arrested late last night at a 24-hour McDonald’s, where he was drunkenly boasting of his plans to some locals. “First,” he is quoted as saying, “I’m gonna let him get elected. And then, two months down the line, when he least expects it... WHAMMO! Peacefully passes away in his sleep. Heh heh heh...”
According to a federal agent who questioned the Republican presidential nominee’s Un-Youth, “There is little to suggest that his Old Age could pull it off. Sen. McCain is not that old, in fact, and we believe that if he were to be elected president it would revive him in a way that no vitamin supplement or Viagra pill ever could.” He then added, “Then again... he’s kind of old...”
McCain was saddened and shocked to hear the news of the arrest. “It’s sad to discover that my Twilight Years are also my most devious.” The senator’s supporters can rest assured that even if McCain’s Old Timer status had never been caught, he probably would have forgotten all about his plan and settled down for a nice nap.
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