How Some People Spend Their Time on the Hill

I would say it was about a week ago when I was reading an article about ways to spice up one’s love life. I found the article extremely insightful and stimulating, however this question popped up in my mind. How can one spice up their love life when they are struggling to even go on dates? I give to you a list of date ideas that is sure to help you score some ass before we go home, eat turkey, and let ourselves go.
1. Pumpkin Picking. Ask a boy/girl to go pick pumpkins. Have a chat. Wrestle around in the pumpkin patch a bit and feel each other out.
2. Make a leaf pile. Be honest, who doesn’t love bright colors, crunchy leaves, and a cool fall breeze?
3. Take a girl to the couches in the basement of Smith. They are soft and have plenty of give. For those couples that move quickly, cover up the “in use” area of couch. It’s a popular spot if you catch the drift.
4. Once you have gone pumpkin picking, Carve that shit up. Make a scary face or a phallic. As long as you plant the seeds…in the ground, afterword, so that more pumpkins grow.
5. Go to the Observatory tower. Usually a popular spot so age gets priority. Bring a blanket, candles or maybe a telescope for the nerdy couples. Be sure to name a star after her. Gets’em every time.
6. Go to Curtis. Take some Ohio grown cider to go. Walk to the homestead and pound the night away- on their drums, next to a cozy fire.
7. A friendly game of squash. Get sweaty, swing hard, but always make sure to wear eye protection.
8. For those who are more dangerous, pretend you are a wingless angel, sneak into the cafeteria, but whatever you do, DO NOT PUT SHIT IN THE FOOD.
9. If you are looking for movies, I recommend Simon Birch or Beta House. Everyone enjoys a little hero or a few naked women.
10. Walk the halls of Shorney. Always a happy ending or your money back.
Peter Wall
Class of 2012