Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Buzzardf Claim First Child of the New Semi-Mester

Reported in full by Nicholas Bailey, Esq.

GRAN-VILLE, OH--On the eve of the 29th of September, thofe swooping rulerf of the sky came down from yonder celestial perch to pluck from the ground young Jaspar T. Fitzwilliam. Mafter Fitzwilliam was walking home from the stopping place for his motorized schooling-bus when a venue of vulture-birds attacked with the utmost wickednesf. This is the fourth time in the mighty hiftory of Gran-Ville that they have preyed upon the supple meat of a fresh and living body. He was aged two and ten yearf.
        "It was dreadful," said clasfmate, Elmer Erneft Newlander. "We were discusfing our new school book-straps, and then, all at once, they had his eyes."
       "Mine eyes! Mine eyes!" Fitzwilliam was reported to have ex-claimed.
       The Fitzwilliamf were shaken by the tragedy, having already lost two of their
younger-personf--Emelia, aged 8, and Fortinbras, aged three fortnights--to scarlet and yellow fever, refpectively. It was an great shock to the Fitzwilliamf, who were not expecting to lose Jaspar, their eldest, until he was at least one score.
       Information regarding the funeral service will be post-ed in the Bull-Sheet on the morrow.

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