Right. So. This was going to go in a few days ago, err like Monday actually, but things kept coming up (like dinner, and like dinner) but today I ate early so here it is.
An open letter mostly to Kaitlyn (but to a few other people too now that I've procrastinated this for a day*):
Personally, I think Redneck Literature Hour sounds hilarious. I tend to have kind of a weird sense of humor though, so I checked with other people, and according to my thoroughly unscientific random survey of people I've seen in the last few hours, Redneck Literature Hour is, actually, extremely funny. At any rate, I'm sure your friends have probably been deluged with requests and so on, but - can we get H.P. Lovecraft on this too? Redneck H.P. Lovecraft would be just incredible levels of awesome.
As for a venue, I do a radio show Sunday nights, 9:30 to 11:30 PM, and all I play really is "that indie shit," so it'd be nice to shake things up with a guest spot or two. Maybe the Redneck Literature Half-Hour? The Redneck Literature Twenty Minutes? Because, quite honestly, Jane Austen, no matter what accent it's in, is a lot more interesting than anything I'm bound to discuss in between shitty indie songs (nipples, the Nazi Youth). Exec's opinion seems to be that your friends needed to tighten up their show - the only thing I had to tighten up when I was a newbie was my sleeping schedule, but again, whatever - so I daresay that might give them a bit of practice too, if they're interested in that kind of thing. My show's pretty casual, people come and go, some guy in Heath calls in and asks for groovy chick music. This is the first semester I've been completely awake for the whole thing, so it's at least marginally classier than it used to be.
Now, I was a bit confused when Jacs referred to the skill level of your friends' dancing - the most energetic ever, apparently, but still not up to Doobie standards regarding dance. I am awfully touched that WDUB at least occasionally chose to make dancing one of the requirements for their auditionees. Dance and radio have always been deeply intertwined art forms, and I'm so glad that the Doobie prioritized finding DJs who are really capable of exploiting the visual possibilities of radio.
No, I'm a bit fucking confused actually. When I auditioned as a freshman, you got asked about the music you wanted to play, any show ideas you'd suggested, and a few funny questions to see if you could think on your feet. You didn't even audition in person; you talked on a mic and heard a few members of the station talk back to you over the headphones. Now I hear that you have to stare down the entirety of exec in a room and do whatever weird shit they egg you into doing. If I'd been asked to dance for a room of ten people or so during my audition, I would've walked out. Maybe that makes me one of those awful snotty shy people, maybe it means I don't have enough of a sense of humor, but it still wouldn't have made me a bad DJ.**
It seems like it wasn't that long ago when the Doobie was pretty chill, open to just about anybody with a student keycard and interesting taste in music. Now when I suggest to someone that they audition, I tend to get a lot of shrugs. Whether it's true or not, a lot of people have started to think you need to be in a specific crowd to get in. I have a friend who's been rejected twice. He can run a station better than I can, and he has interesting music taste, but it's just never gelled for him. And he doesn't dance either. I don't have anything to do with auditions, and all I represent on the Doobie is myself (full disclosure: I was suspended last semester for absences, and quite right too), but I guess I'd like to say that I'm sorry that quite a lot of the people I've talked to had a crummy audition experience. There was an executive decision to make the auditions more like a fraternity/sorority rush process. For some people, sure, that's fun, but for a lot of people it feels like elitism. Look, I listen to opera and the Magnetic Fields, I wear vintage, I have an American Apparel t-shirt, if I got any more elitist I'd pretty much have to shoot myself.***
As for Alex's argument, I have to wonder how much concern the FCC really is. This was covered in my apprenticeship - the FCC defines indecent material as "language that, in context, depicts or describes, in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium, sexual or excretory activities or organs." The FCC is concerned with swear words. For the most part, they do not give a shit about racism, and if they did, there's a lot of conservative daytime talk-radio that would be completely screwed. The FCC expects you not to offend the reasonable person, not the reasonable knee-jerk liberal. As long as you're not reading Jane Austen's sex scenes in a redneck accent, you're pretty much in the clear. Could they decide to fine us for some "indecent" offense? Absolutely. But in order for that to happen, sufficient numbers of listeners have to be offended enough to write to the FCC. The FCC is not actually wiretapping us themselves. They just have the legal right to.
And Alex made an excellent point about the Doobie representing Denison - but unfortunately that was the same day that the Denisonian published their fascinating array of sex tips for the young collegian. Personally, I think that the Denisonian represents us more than the Doobie does - there's the name, after all, and besides - radio is ephemeral, newspaper gets archived. How is it that a publication that is so out of touchit suggests you send a $200 designer coin purse to your sweetheart is now more cutting-edge than we are? What the hell, Denisonian? And what's with advising your female readers to buy expensive lingerie so they can "dress to impress," which is apparently their duty because "men bear the burden of an exceptional performance"? That's a bit fucked up, eh? I'm sure all the straight men on this campus are delighted that you've let their girlfriends know that all they have to do is lie back and think of the homeland; the burden's all on the guys! The only situation I can think of in which the woman can acceptably just lie there and not bother herself is if you're dating a necrophiliac and you're really the best he can do. Frankly I think every guy who has a crummy lay Valentine's Day should write to the Denisonian and let them know. Necrophiliacs included.
So yeah. Alex, obviously we can't get a sex columnist of our own. Let's try to talk the Denisonian out of using theirs again. Otherwise we're going to be at stalemate, and to be honest I don't know where we can go from here.
Thanks,
Kim Davies
Class of 2009, used to be 2010... it's confusing. Go see "Art" next weekend.
*Lots of days.
**All the times when I screw up the computer and there's like forty seconds of dead air... that makes me a bad DJ. Also, sorry to anyone who listened over the last couple of semesters and caught me doing the station ID in Esperanto. That was offensive, I apologize.
***I haven't bought anything from Urban Outfitters yet, but I did once apply to work there, so I guess that doesn't help me. Never mind.
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