The Bullsheet

In Response to Christoffer Stromstedt:

I'm sorry, but I have no capacity to feel remorse for the perpetrator as a second victim. He isn't one. There was no crime committed against him, nobody forced his actions on him. He is only a victim of his inability to treat women like human beings. For an example, I'll compare to cheating. Now say this person whose been in an exclusive relationship for a long time goes out, has sex with someone else, feels bad about it the next day, and tells their partner what happened. I would find it hard to feel bad for the cheater simply because his conscience kicked in after the fact. The cheater broke the loyalty in their relationship, and they should feel guilty for it. That's what you (should) get for doing something wrong.

To bring it back full circle, I hope the perpetrators feel bad. I wish they did, it would be more of a comfort to me to know that they had a conscience, and weren't just a spineless bag of shit that deserves to spend the rest of his meaningless existence in the most excruciating version of his personal hell. Unfortunately, my rapist lives on, smoking and drinking his way through life and preying on teenage girls. I am left with what is termed 'Rape Trauma Syndrome', a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, which in summary means nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks, persistent fear and anxiety, and a "damaged sense of personal security". (My panic attacks come from the smell of Jack Daniels and some quality Metallica songs. It's fascinating how the mind can rewire your memories into triggers for danger instincts.) Rape Trauma Syndrome is actually pretty common, and can take years to get to the "renormalize" stage, where you can take it out of a central focus in your life. So no, I don't have any remorse for a rapist with hindsight guilt. So I wish that rapists would realize the effect of just wanting to get it on, as you put it. Rape is defined as having sex without consent, so if she isn't explicitly telling you she wants it, it's rape. It's something that can destroy women's lives, so if you care at all about the woman you're sleeping with, respect her enough to ask.

And as for Jayme's response, I know that not all feminists are man-haters, and most of the time I would call myself a feminist. It was just meant light-heartedly; I just didn't want people to ignore what I had to say because they thought I was just saying that all men were horrible, and was just writing an angsty rant about how much I hate them. In writing about such horrible things I try an keep it from being too scary- my boyfriend finds my jokes in the middle of rape conversation really unnerving, so I'm not surprised it came off the wrong way. Thank you for the correction and support.

Courtney Ego
ego_c/ 8686