The Bullsheet

Dear Everett,

I know that you must care deeply about these issues, because you've written in several times, and went to the trouble to talk to different groups to learn about the causes, and how to fix it. But I think that either you didn't present your ideas clearly, or you just really don't understand the issue, because your entry seriously pissed me off.

Despite your best efforts, you are perpetuating the problem. I don't believe that
women's education or awareness is the issue. I know far too many friends who have been sexually assaulted. I have nearly a dozen close friends who confided in me about having been sexually assaulted, if that helps you judge how widespread rape is. Personally I think statistics are irrelevant. See, the problem is women already know all about it. We know about the judgment that comes with this kind of violence. No matter what the woman is blamed- she shouldn't have drank so much, she shouldn't have agreed to go back to his room, she should have fought back. Most of the time rape isn't an attack in an alleyway or involving a date rape drug. It's the girl that goes home with that boy she dances with at that party, when he was just a little too pushy, and she sort of said no, but then things kept moving forward. They are in the grey area, and many women don't even realize that it was rape.

The problem that needs to be fixed here is male understanding and accountability. Why is there a fraternity that is joked about being rapists, but nothing happens? It's not just speculative- I know accounts of women raped by these assholes. The "nerdy" fraternity on campus stood behind a known rapist in their midst, even when it meant that several of their members left in protest. Why isn't something being done about that? Because every time I have to see him around campus I am infuriated at how they get to run around laughing and unharmed, while as a woman who had been raped, I have to live in fear, worrying all the time about whether I am "protecting myself" well enough. I shouldn't have to, and no other woman should either. The men should be holding each other accountable. All of those rapists have roommates and friends who knew what was happening, who saw when his forward advances were not warranted or appreciated, but he kept pushing her. The responsibility is not only on our shoulders. Men can drink as much as they want and never have to worry about being able to fend off someone much larger and stronger than them. Unless a woman is explicitly telling you that she wants to have sex with you, the answer is no. Just because you go back to a room together does not mean that she wants to sleep with you, and women who drink, even who drink recklessly are not all whores, and are definitely not asking for it.

And just to clarify, I'm not a feminist man-hater, I actually have a boyfriend and most of my friends are guys. They even threw me a party to commemorate an anniversary of sorts of when I was raped to come together and support me and what I've been through. There are amazing boys. I think generally most guys have good intentions and just don't realize that the women are not that interested. So just ask. Ask if it's okay, if they're sure they want to have sex. You'll come off as considerate and cute and the girls will love you for it. So next time just think before it happens. Just talk about it.

Courtney Ego
8686- ego_c