Velvet Ice Cream has profound effects on students' body

Robert Smith, a junior at Denison University, had nothing but praise for the school’s new ice cream selection when interviewed by the Bullsheet this past Thursday.

“The texture is so much smoother than whatever it was that they had for the past few years. I was getting tired of the standard vanilla and chocolate that we usually have.”

“Also,” Smith continued. “That dino crunch flavor totally turned my shit blue”

Velvet Ice Cream, a family business based in Utica, Ohio, has been serving up quality ice cream since 1914. It is the official ice cream of the Ohio State Fair, the Columbus Zoo, and Columbus Clippers. There are over 500 flavors, at least one of which will turn one’s feces a primary color.

When asked what flavors were his favorites, Smith replied: “Turtle tracks is up there, because I’m a big fan of caramel. I guess moose tracks is a time-tested classic. Overall, I’d say dinosaur crunch. It’s like nothing I’ve ever tasted. There are even little malted milk balls in there! Oh, and after eating it, my shit gets turned blue for a day. That’s the best.”

All natural and made with the highest quality ingredients, Velvet ice cream has been putting smiles on Denison students’ faces all week, one way or another.

--Alex "till you're blue in the face" Chan