Rob and Taylor's [belated] Holiday List

Rob and Taylor’s “Holiday” List
(We really mean Christmas, but we provided you with 8 items if you choose to celebrate other holidays)

1. Stephen Hawking Wheelchair – Why would you have the Stephen Hawking Wheelchair if you are able bodied? Well you wouldn’t need it then. But, if you are too drunk and stoned to stand or even talk, then the Steven Hawking Wheelchair would provide you with normal communicative and transportation skills in your fucked up state, allowing you to attend class or other events without facing scrutiny from your peers.
2. Chad Ochocinco condoms* – “Catches everything your Johnson shoots!” This is an actual quote from the package.
3. Compilation of tits from childhood movies – Guys, remember the first pair of cans you ever saw? You know, maybe your mom didn’t know there was nudity in a movie, or one of your childhood bros’ older brother had some wisdom to pass down to you, wink wink. Well, how would you like to own every scene from these various movies, such as “American Pie”, “Titanic”, “Revenge or the Nerds” or for you freshmen “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”.
4. Gift certificate to a “bomb ass burger joint” – Like our hero Ray J, what’s a classier place to take five dime pieces (or one Kennedy fifty cent piece worth of bitches) than a “bomb ass burger joint?” And what is sexier than bomb ass burgers?
5. Baracksketball* – A basketball with a picture of Barack Obama. How to play Baracksketball: One person is the Barack and the rest of the players are the campaign aides. The campaign aides have to let the Barack win every time.
6. Tiger Woods Driving 2010 – a new game release from EA Sports, where the goal of the game is to outdrive Tiger Woods… in a car… racing away from his wife.
7. Bro Jersey* – There’s nothing finer than receiving a brand new bro jersey. Bro Jersey – a button down shirt that bros wear when they want to score, which is all the time.
8. Friends* – Just like every year, we ask for friends and we still don’t have any.

*These are actual products available at any common store
Love,
Rob and Taylor