In Defense of Cinema by J.M. Wagner

I just wanted to take a minute to express my growing frustration, disappointment and
embarrassment at how people at this school - and, of course, people in the broader
community - really have no idea what it means to study Cinema. And that includes those
who have legitimately studied in other artistic fields.

I think everyone I know in the department has had an experience where they've told
someone they're a Cinema major, and the response has been, like, "Oh... so you want to be
the next Michael Bay?" And, really, that might almost be an acceptable response... maybe
from someone who was in a really bad skiing accident or something. Frankly, who doesn't
want to be Michael Bay? (Answer: ultimately, probably Michael Bay.)

But being a girl in the Cinema department is even worse. At least a boy gets to be the
director in this delusion. 9 times out of 10 when I tell someone I'm a Cinema major, the
response is: "Oh, so you want to be an actress?"

I still don't even know how to respond to that. It's not that I think there's anything
wrong with being an actress or studying to be one. It just genuinely has absolutely
nothing to do with what I'm doing in the Cinema department. Here's a fictional short
scene I wrote to try to put it in perspective:

Student: My major is Marine Biology.
Possibly a Stroke victim: Oh, so you want to be a sailboat?

The truth is, I might see a sailboat. I might use a sailboat. I might read about a
sailboat? But do I want to be a sailboat... Let me get back to you after grad school.

That's actually the better of two situations. Because that type of person obviously just
has no idea what I'm talking about. At all. There is always another type of person who
asks me if I want to be an actress, but does it in a tone that is remarkably
condescending. Not only does this person think he knows what he's talking about - but he
thinks that I don't know what I'm talking about. Here's an equivalent dramatization:

Student: My major is Marine Biology.
Asshole: Oh... so you want to work at Petsmart?

Yes. That's what I want to do with my 6-12 years of higher education. I want to inventory
green plastic tank nets at Petsmart. (Dear cinema majors: there may be a good chance this
is what you're going to do with your 6-12 years of higher education.)

Our culture is so constantly overrun with visual imagery that people come to believe that
this stuff happens on its own. I'm sure you could shoot a video on your cellphone that's
going to appear to be better quality than some of the work I've seen (read: done) in the
Cinema department. But there is so much that goes in to creating Cinema and to studying
Cinema that people refuse to take into consideration. Tri Delts, I know you really felt
like you were in that courtroom with Elle Woods in 2001, but do you know how much work
went into to creating that courtroom? To giving you that feeling?

I think there's sort of this myth about the way the film industry works that is beyond
simplification. You might think that Bradley Cooper gets up in the morning, shits DVDs
and then sells them to you over Amazon.com*. In reality, there's a little more to the
process. You have to eat a lot of Chipotle before you're going to shit a gem like All
About Steve.

Um... I don't know if I had a point I was trying to make here. Just, uh, don't be stupid.
I don't come over to the English department and ask you if you want to be a Xerox machine.

* I'm pretty sure Tyler Perry is the only person in history to successfully employ this
method of filmmaking.



Thx.